


Thy healer who no longer resides in thy heaven

by Raphael0s



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, All The Archangels need a Hug, All-Knowing God, Almost A Whole Chapter Of Torture, And Aziraphale Him, And so is Beelzebub, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Archangel Angst, Avoiding Stuff, Beta Read, Character Death, Confused Sandalphon (Good Omens), Confused The Them (Good Omens), Crowley Loves the Bentley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves the Houseplants (Good Omens), Crowley Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley's Fall (Good Omens), Grief, Half Insane Crowley, Hell Trauma, How Do I Tag, Hurt, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt Gabriel (Good Omens), Hurt Michael (Good Omens), Hurt Uriel (Good Omens), I suck at tagging, I'll Probably Over React With Tags, It gets dark, Knowing Lucifer, Lucifer Needs a Hug, Lucifer Redemption, Lucifer is a Softie, Not Romance Based, OC-Characters - Freeform, OR IS THERE, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Lucifer, Protective The Them, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Sandalphon Being A Little Shit, Sass, Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Torture, Tortured Crowley (Good Omens), Trauma, Understanding Anathema, Understanding Newt, Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens), You Can't have a story without OC's, and Aziraphale - Freeform, and being a demon, do not copy to another site, i still dont know how to tag, it can be dark, mostly In Chapter 3, so many original characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23925241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raphael0s/pseuds/Raphael0s
Summary: A few months after the Armageddont or the apocawasnt, everything had been going smoothly afterwards, Crowley and Aziraphale had become friends with Anathema, Newt, Adam and the Them. But what is going on when a supposed dead archangel returns soon after Crowley disappears? And what of heaven and hell when it reaches both sides, old wounds and deep secrets is reopened by both sides. (I Suck At Summarys)
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley & The Them (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Raphael (Good Omens), Crowley & Michael (Good Omens), Crowley & Raphael (Good Omens), Crowley & Uriel (Good Omens), Crowley/Gabriel (Good Omens), Newton Pulsifer & Lucifer
Comments: 107
Kudos: 249





	1. A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Fanfic, so don't expect anything too big, Let me know if you like this and would like me to continue writing it and maybe other stuff. I have too many ideas, i just need a bit of motivation, anyway! Please say if there is any grammar mistakes, i have the classic excuse, english isn't my first language. Please leave a review and enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update- The first chapter deos now have a wonderfuly better grammer.

In Tadfield lies an ordinary cottage. Said ordinary cottage was, at the moment, occupied by a dog, 5 humans, a witch, a former Witchhunter Newton Pulsifer, a former antichrist and two celestial beings. The celestial beings sat in the cottage’s sofa while talking to the witch, while the former antichrist, his dog and the Them sat in the kitchen watching Newt in an apron saying ‘kitchen witch’ that he got from Anathema. He took newly baked cookies out of the oven.

"Ahh, that hurts!" exclaimed Newt as he took the second pair of cookies out of the oven, then shook his burnt hand.

"Are you alright, Newt?" asked Adam with a worried and curious face.

"Yeah, don’t worry, just burnt my hand a bit. At least the cookies aren’t burnt," Newt explained as Anathema and Aziraphale walked in with matched worried expressions.

"Are you sure Newt?" said Anathema. "That burn you got looks painful. I can go look for a healing spell?"

"No, no honestly, it’s fi-" Newt tried to say. 

"Or you could get Aziraphale to heal it for you; see angelic healing magic at its finest," Crowley yelled from the living room. Newt flinched, as much as he may enjoy spending time, in the last few months, with the apparent demon, he was still a bit uncomfortable in his presence. It could have been the ‘small’ pranks here and there, or simply because he was a demon, and demons were Evil’s servants, not that it of course bothered him or Crowley for that matter.

Newt looked confused as the cogs in his brain were turning to register the demon's newest quip. Aziraphale blushed slightly embarrassed.

"Well, I wouldn’t call it the finest. Really I was never the best, that was and will always be the first healer himself," said Aziraphale as he walked over to Newt with slightly outstretched hands. "Now this won’t hurt a bit my dear," he said as he took a hold of the former witch hunter's burnt hand. As curious gazes around the kitchen began to form and one from the living room simply looked on, a small white glow came and he slowly took his hands back, stepping back and looking proud at what he just did.

"Y-you mean Raphael? The archangel, I mean," Newt said as he looked up from inspecting his hand with Brain and Wensleydale.

"The archangels aren’t nice, they wanted to end the world," Pepper said strongly, only a quick note of uncertainty.

Both Aziraphale and Crowley look sad at the mention of the archangel, unknown to the others and each other, for two different reasons. Aziraphale, for mourning, thinking back at how creative and kind the Archangel was to all and everything, and Crowley. He was not exactly mourning, not the way you would think. He was mourning the loss of identity, of who he used to be. Not all demons forgot who they were. Once they fell, some did, others chose to ignore their past completely, few like Crowley remembered it all, and hoped that one day, forgiveness would come to them, before the end. Crowley cleared his throat and looked away.

Aziraphale opened and closed his mouth before answering. "Well, it’s a miracle how humanity has come to know of Raphael’s existence, it really is; he was a great angel, truly kindness and love.” He stopped and looked at Crowley, ignoring the confused looks sent Crowley’s and his way, silently asking the demon to continue on the subject. Crowley looked anywhere but him, feeling slightly guilty for not saying anything.

"You see well, before the earth, in Heaven there was a war - the first war to be precise. In that war, many angels fell and became demons, some died, and others survived, but, uh, Raphael... he went missing during the war, killed by Lucifer in fit of rage. All of Heaven felt it, to be honest," Aziraphale finished sadly while looking down.

"What do you mean by the ‘all of Heaven felt it?" Adam asked slowly, uncertain if it was alright to ask questions yet.

"Angels weren't created to die, still aren't. Archangels even more, so when one dies all of Heaven would feel it," Crowley replied quietly with a hint of regret and guilt. If anybody heard it, they did not point it out.

While Aziraphale and Crowley either looked down or looked anywhere but the other beings in the room, Anathema awkwardly coughed.

"So, um, how are the cookies?" she said, pointing to the newly baked cookies on the kitchen table. 

"Yes, they look good, anyone want to taste?" Newts asked looking around "Or shall we take them with a cup of tea instead?"

"A cuppa would be nice. If you still have more questions you can of course ask them there, and we can answer some of your other questions Anathema," said Aziraphale.

…

Sitting now on the living room couch was Anathema, Newt and Aziraphale and almost laying down in an armchair was Crowley, with the Them sitting on the floor, on blankets and stolen pillows from the couch, with their tea cups, petting Dog, and the newly baked cookies laying on the living room table.

"So, Raphael," Anathema said after finishing sipping tea. "If he is missing, how is it that we know of him? And didn’t he visit and help Tobias, and with that fish?"

"That is the question, my dear. Did he guide Tobias and much more, or maybe it was Michael who did it, so you would all get the chance to know of him? He really was quite wonderful," Aziraphale said. He took another slow sip of his tea.

"He sounds nice. Maybe his death is the reason the archangels are so mean now," Wensleydale said, eating a cookie.

"Don’t be stupid. If Raphael was still here, he probably would’ve been mean too," Pepper interrupted.

"No, no, dear, Wensleydale does have a point. The archangels were the closest of angels. If he still was here, Heaven would have clearly had better days..." he said distantly, shaking his head, holding his cup of tea but not drinking it.

"Do you guys really have wings since your angels?" Wensleydale asked curiously, changing the subject. 

"Do you have special colours? Or more than one pair?" Brain added, equally curious, holding a half bitten cookie in his hand.

"One angel and a Fallen angel," Crowley corrected, looking at the Them through his dark glasses.

"I saw your wings, didn’t I? When you stopped time and talked to me, I saw your wings. Only one pair each? Do some angels have more than one pair of wings?" Adam asked. The Them sent surprised looks at him.

"Yes. The higher spears, or ranks, you would call them. It got leaked down here somehow - I have no idea how, really," Aziraphale said. "But yes. Cherubs have two pairs, seraphim and Archangels have three pairs; Archangels have a bit bigger wings. Others only have one pair," Aziraphale informed, happy to answer their question.

"What rank are you Aziraphale?" Anathema asked and leaned interested towards Aziraphale. And theThem listened curiously, as they took more cookies. The pile was nearly gone.

"I’m really nothing special, just a mere principality," Aziraphale said, as he blushed a bit. "Archangels are the only angels who have coloured wings. I have only once seen their wings: when I was only a mere fledgling, but it was still an honour," he added, holding his mug.

Aziraphale didn’t understand when the Them looked at him with innocent, almost puppy like, gazes. He simply thought they asked for more cookies, or another pillow from the couch - that was until he looked at the two humans on the couch sharing similar gazes. He then looked at Crowley, confusion in his eyes, who silently told him they wanted him to tell them about meeting the archangels before the war. Aziraphale made an ‘oh’ face, and spoke. "Oh, alright, I can tell you some,"

Taking a small bite out of his first cookie, he began.

[FLASHBACK]

He opened his eyes, a warm feeling of love around him. He looked around. Beside him were newly created angels, like himself. Fledglings. Yes, they were fledglings. How he knew, he did not know. 

"Welcome to Heaven, my dear children," said a warm voice, he and the other fledglings looked around to identify the warm voice’s origin and saw winged figures. Many, in fact, all looking either curiously or happily at them, but none of them originated the voice. Closest to themselves were five winged beings, standing in a line. They instinctively somehow knew who they were: the archangels, the youngest to the oldest of them. First was the fire of God, Uriel, with beautiful pairs of yellow and orange wings, the primary and secondary feathers a beautiful orange, the coverts a nice, almost shining yellow. Beside her, the messenger, Gabriel, with copper and light purple coloured wings. His primary and coverts were a light purple, and secondary feathers were copper. The healer, Raphael, was standing next to Gabriel. The bend of his wings were shiny silver and his coverts were a light blue mixing into the green primary parts of the wings, but that was not the only thing. You could see a special kind of dust, specifically stardust, brushed over his wings as if he came in a hurry from the cosmos to see this. Next, the Morningstar, Samael. The Morningstar was beautiful and shining, his wings even more so, primary and secondary feathers white gold and the rest was a beautiful white, shining brightly as a star. He, too, had stardust on his wings as if he came with Raphael from the cosmos, seeing as he probably did. Beside him was the eldest of them all, the general and warrior, Michael. Michael had bright and dark blue wings with silver in a high tip in the primary and secondary feathers. All of their wings stood calmly behind the five beings, as they smiled at the fledglings.

"As the Almighty said: ‘Welcome to Heaven’. We all welcome you here and hope you are taken kindly to, and take kindly to others as well. The other Archangels and I will help and guide you all. Bless the Almighty for creating you all," Michael said, having opened her arms in a warm, welcoming gesture.

Other angels slowly began to fly away either in big or small pairs. All that remained were the newly created fledglings, not having learned to fly yet. Archangels Gabriel and Uriel stood waiting, being Michael needed to make the training grounds ready for the new fledglings, and Samael and Raphael flying into the cosmos once more. The remaining Archangels smiled kindly at them, then began to explain things and show them around, from the big green garden to other places. Their tour ended in the training grounds, where they were supposed to learn to master their abilities, fly and learn to fight and defend themselves. They did not know back then why they had to learn to fight. There was not anything bad, there was peace and love, wasn’t there? There was only peace and love. That was until Lucifer and the war. Angels learned of sin, of evil, of madness, guilt, and grief.

…

When he finished his story, he looked around to meet awed gazes and a quiet uncomfortable looking demon looking down.

"Who is Samael?" Pepper curiously asked.

"Well you see, shortly before the war, Samael changed his name to what you all know him as: Lucifer," Aziraphale explained. "He is also known as the devil, Satan and other silly names," he then added.

"So, Lucifer was the Morningstar? The guy who created the stars with Raphael? Well, your dad did do some good Adam" Pepper said in a teasing way looking at Adam. 

"He’s not my dad anymore, never was," Adam said, petting Dog, slightly angry from the tease.

"But Raphael, he also created the stars? They did it together! Why did Lucifer kill him if they were so close?" Anathema asked, remembering their past talks.

"I honestly don’t know my dear. I'm sorry I can’t answer. If anyone knew it’d be Lucifer himself or Raphael, if he still was here," he said quietly. An awkward silence fell in the room. The tea had slowly gotten cold a while ago, and the cookies still tasted like cookies should, just without their newly baked warmth now.

"Wait maybe he still is! Crowley. Crowley dear, did you see Raphael before or during the Fall?" Aziraphale suddenly exclaimed.

Crowley who had by now, laid all over the armchair avoiding gazes, silently listening to the conversations. Now sat up, looking uncomfortable. "Yeah, sorry angel, was a bit busy trying not to die during it all," he said slowly then adding a bit fast, "But no, I never saw him during the war or after," he said wrinkling his nose and then looking at the now very interesting window.

"Ah, yes, of course. But, Crowley,  _ do _ you, well, remember anything? From before the Fall, I mean," Aziraphale asked nervously, glancing at the others in the room.

Crowley remained silent and looked at his cold cup of tea, then slowly said, "Does it matter? I mean come on, it was a long time ago."

"So... You do remember," Anathema said.

"It doesn’t matter," snapped Crowley beginning to sit more upright. "It was a long time ago."

Crowley sat uncomfortably, ready to stand up, looking at the visible dust flying around in the sunlight coming from one of the windows, slightly annoyed at the current discussion going on. He didn’t like discussing his past, or who he was, disliking it even more so because they literally talked about him - him, for crying out loud! But he was just a Fallen version, a different version. It was not his fault. He asked the wrong questions, then ended up Falling, but that did not mean it did not hurt when discussing it, with or without him present for it.

The Them had until now sat quietly and listened to Aziraphale’s story and petting Dog even until the new argument slowly heated up. But until now things did not begin to shake and cold tea spilled on the floor, while things began falling off the table and windowsills.

"Um, guys," Newt warily said, as he looked at the liquid in his cup shaking. Dog began to bark and stood up and looked at the demon.

"Dog be quiet! Quiet, shush!" Adam said trying to get Dog to stop barking, but Dog did not seem to want to stop.

As things slowly stopped shaking, Crowley irritatedly mumbled "Oh keep quiet, we get it, I get it." Just as Dog stopped barking, feeling really proud of itself. Crowley began to saunter over to the door and said, "I am going for a walk,  _ alone _ ,", opened the door and left.

"That went well," Newt signed, taking his face in his hands, "I'll go get some towels to get this cleaned up," he said as he got up and walked over to the kitchen to get some towels.

"Should we follow him?" Anathema asked uncertainly, looking at Aziraphale.

"No, probably not, he will come back and if anything happens, we can just call him or he can call us," Aziraphale said reassuringly.

-

Crowley was walking down the road, deep in thought. He was thinking about the past and his dear old sibling, on how it all ended up like this. Oh, how he missed them even after all this time. No. They tried… they wanted to kill Aziraphale, even still when he walked in Heaven’s halls, looking like Aziraphale. Having been missing his home, through it all, he was shocked to see it had changed so much. It felt warm, but the warmth did not reach anyone. It hurt even more, when he talked with Gabriel, and saw Uriel and him standing behind their cold façade. It hurt him to see them like that. That was not how he expected their first family reunion to be after all these years, having highly doubted one in the first place.

Continuing to walk, he saw all kinds of people, old and young, well, in human standards, even the elderly man he asked for directions to the Tadfield airbase, while Armageddon was still ongoing. The man did not seem to be looking or notice him for that matter. He did not want to answer questions to why his precious Bently was burning, he was too tired. After having walked for some time, he found a bench and decided to sit down. He looked at nature and its big trees and all kinds of flowers sitting in the ground. He sat there for some time, either thinking or just simply staring into nature and its beauty, in periods. When he could see the sun slowly beginning to set, he sighed and decided it would be best if he began walking back. Cannot have Aziraphale worrying, of course. While walking back, he could feel something or someone watching him. Shaking it off he continued.

"Hey laddie, I have to return something! Do you know when I can do that?" someone annoying said, in a false, humoristic way.

Something hit Crowley in the back of his head, he fell to the ground looking up. His sunglasses lay broken on the ground. "I’ll just have to return it now, laddie," the annoying someone said - no, a  _ demon _ said, looking down on him. Stupid demons, he thought as everything went dark.

When Crowley woke up, all he could do was stare, thinking ‘what the f***?’.


	2. The loss of a known reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this Chapters writing style, i had to use my school computer to finish this and it messed up the way it all stood but i hope you like this chapter anyway.  
> I had to cut it short due to it being 1 am, so i apologize if some of the writing was a but weird, since i have been nodding a bit off to sleep. Thank you for the kudos!

When Crowley woke up, all he could do was stare, thinking ‘what the f-’ knowing that this was it...

Crowley sat with chains attached to the manacles on his hands, knees, and feet. They were slightly bloody in the dark prison cell - it was probably in Hell . Where else would it be in these times anyway?

He was not an ordinary prison cell, Crowley knew. It was a holding cell, just as it was a prison cell. Holding him for what, exactly? His doom, probably. Hell had gotten their hands on him, a fallen Archangel, yet again, despite the fact that they didn’t know what he was. He looked around, hoping to find some sort of escape hatch, but could not find any. Frustrated, he tried to transform into a snake but found he could not do that either. Annoyed, he hissed at the bars, trying to kick them with his foot, but then remembered it was chained, and could not be moved a lot. He signed and laid his head back in annoyance and frustration, waiting for a terrible rescue plan from Aziraphale. Or maybe Beelzebub, and possibly even his fallen brother. Could he still call him that? He did make him quite mad last time they met; it may not have been under great circumstances either.

He didn’t know how long he sat there bored, occasionally shouting annoying or snarky remarks to a passing demon or his lazy warden, not that many other demons did come. Only a few, he hadn’t been able to see or hear if there were any others down here with him.

But what did Hell want with him? Other than end him of course, Insanity, madness? He could do with a drink, maybe more after he gets out, if he got out.

"Crawly," he heard Beelzebub say as ze walked in with two demons behind zir, one he recognized to be Hastur, who both went to talk with his lazy warden.

"Lord Beelzebub," Crowley sarcastically replied. He tried to mockingly bow down, only to realize his chains were shortening, forcing him up with a painful force. A pained sound made its way through his throat. Walking up to Beelzebub's side was Hastur smiling evilly. “Oh, don’t sound like that, we have not even begun yet."

"We already know your crimes and therefore will execute you, without trial and without failure, but first. Due to your last failed execution, you will receive a special treatment and die this time," Beelzebub explained, the flies above zir head flying up and down agreement.

"Belphegor! Are you ready yet?" Ze asked impatiently.

The demon talking to the ward turned around and smiled wickedly and said, "Oh yes, I am," showing a tool in their hand. Beelzebub and Hastur turned and walked away, "Bye, bye Crowley," Hastur tauntingly said.

When Belphegor stood in front of him, Crowley could see he had dark short hair filled with burning ash and the end of his hair was weakly burning. He had an oblong milk coloured face with rotting spots, a strong nose and black eyes like Hastur, but Belphegor’s had a red iris. His thin red lips wore a crooked smile; he also wore a half open black leather jacket with a grey shirt, white tie and black ash filled pants. Somehow, he still looked like the type of guy you give respect to.

A table full of tools was by his side; all Crowley could do was bite his lip to avoid screaming and giving in when Belphegor began. That was what Hell wanted, was it not?

After a long time, he screamed, for a while that was all you could hear near the holding cells in Hell .

...

Back in Anathema's cottage, Aziraphale sat worried on the sofa, hoping Crowley would return soon. It was not like the demon to have left for so long, especially without his precious Bentley. Maybe something had happened to him? No, it is Crowley he’s thinking about, Crowley knows how to defend himself, but still, the demon would never have left for so long. He has not even called saying, well, anything. Deciding he had to do something, he stood up, walked to the door, dismissed the idea a second later. He then began walking over to the kitchen, where Anathema and Newt were talking and watching the Them playing outside with Dog, who was sniffing at the blue Dandelions in the early afternoon.

"Anathema, my dear," Aziraphale began, looking at Anathema. "Do you know any locator spells?"

Anathema looked at Aziraphale’s worried expression, then said, "Crowley has not returned yet?" Aziraphale nodded. Somehow, perfectly timed, the Them walked in with Dog right behind them.

"Yeah, I am sure I have a locator spell. I will go look for it," Anathema said, sounding worried.

"Or guys we could just go outside and look for him?" Wensleydale said, surprised that none of them thought about the simple option.

"Then why don’t we go outside and split up and search?" Adam said, taking up the role as leader for this plan. "Anathema, you go with Pepper; Newt, you go with Wensleydale; and Aziraphale and Brian go with me. We will meet back here at 6 pm. (18:00)" They all nodded and began to leave after getting a flashlight from the kitchen drawer.

…

The three groups, having chosen different places to search so they covered more ground, set off. Anathema and Pepper took the small streets of Tadfield. Newt and Wensleydale searched the large lawn near the forest. Adam, Brain and Aziraphale combed the green forest for any sign of Crowley.

"I really hope nothing has happened to him; that would be really bad. No one touches my best friend," Aziraphale said as the three walked, shining their flashlight, looking around in the forest.

"How long have you two been friends?" Brain asked, poking in the ground with a big stick he found earlier.

"Since the garden of Eden, I should think," Aziraphale answered.

"That really was real?" Brain asked, surprised that Eden really existed.

"Of course, it was real. If angels and demons exist, the garden would’ve probably too," Adam said looking around.

"That is a good point Adam," Brain said, looking at him. 

"I know," Adam agreed, as he kept on walking.

"Do you think he might be at our secret place in the forest?" Brian asked.

"Maybe, let’s go take a look," Adam said, beginning to change direction along with Brian and Aziraphale, walking behind them.

…

Walking around in the streets of Tadfield were Anathema and Pepper, looking for a certain demon to show himself.

"Would we not have spotted him by now if he were here? I mean he cannot be that hard to see. He can’t really hide behind much, can he?” Pepper said, waving the flashlight around. "With his height? Where would he be hiding? An oversized bin?"

"I don’t know Pepper, we just have to look in the right places; we will find him, don’t worry," Anathema assured, looking at the ground. She remembered how the demon had acted before. Crowley looked like he had secrets, ones that he did not want to share - at least, not yet.

He owed the Them another round of ‘Pirates vs Demons’. Last time they had to stop the game due to lunch being ready and being forced by Aziraphale to finally answer some of his questions, during and after lunch.

"Look Pepper, maybe we should go close to the paths next to the forest. Crowley does seem to like plants. He did give a lot of flowers to the garden, even helping them grow a lot."

"Let’ s go there, come on," Pepper said, walking closer to the forest.

"Wait, hold on! Is that...?" Anathema exclaimed, "Oh no, we need to find the others!" she then said urgently, holding something black in her hand. On closer inspection, Pepper could see it was the demon’s dark glasses, only they were broken, and a part of the glasses seemed to be missing. Looking at the ground, she could not see the missing part. Looking up, she saw Anathema was already walking into the forest in search of the others. Pepper began running over to Anathema.

…

Newt and Wensleydale had been walking on the big green lawn in Tadfield for some time now, even after both of them ended up falling in a pool of mud from last day’s rain. They decided it could wait to change clothes, it was mostly dry now.

They kept on trying to find Crowley, having not seen him yet, they decided maybe, he was in the former church. They began to walk to the former church, hoping Crowley might have gone in there.

"Do you think he went in there? I mean, it doesn’t exactly look like a place he would go to," Newt said as they were walking over to the entrance. 

"I don’t know, but if I remember right, I think this was a church before I was born, so I think you might be right. Let’s better look there anyway,” Wensleydale replied. 

They stood in front of the entrance, where a sign said ‘Tadfield Manor.’ It was filled with stuff, cones, barrels, other stuff, racks, cupboards, more stuff and even more stuff. At first glance it looked like a failed military course.

When they went to the door, they could see there was still light inside, so they decided to knock and hope anyone was there, opening the door was former Sister Mary Loquacious.

"Can I help you two?"

…

In the former church was Mary Hodges, formerly Sister Mary Loquacious. She was usually working around this time, checking the papers of what had happened during the day and the usual stuff you can check, like bills and purchases - she was running the place after all. But what she did not expect was any visitors, they never got visitors this time of day, but when they did, it was usually people who were lost and needed to ask for directions. Walking through one of the halls, she was humming to herself when she heard someone knocking. Thinking it was some lost people again, she went to answer it, only to be greeted with an adult and a kid, both male and also covered in mud. She looked surprised for a second, then quickly put on a calm expression, failing a bit. She decided to ask why they had come and if the two needed help with directions. "Can I help you two?"

Newt was about to say something when Wensleydale cut him off.

"Yes, Hello, my name is Wensleydale, and this is my friend Newt," Newt gave an awkward wave. "And we are looking for our friend and we thought he might have gone in here."

She looked baffled at the child for a second before speaking apologetically. "No sorry, I have not seen anyone come here beside yourself and the people from the team building event earlier. Maybe he was among them. What does he look like?"

Newt and Wensleydale both shook their heads. "No, he probably wasn’t.” Shrugging, Wensleydale looked at Newt and Newt looked down at him and mumbled something, then began to describe Crowley to Mary. He talked about how he had red hair and always used sunglasses and wore black clothes.

As Newt was talking it dawned on her that who he was describing sounded a lot like Master Crowley from all those years ago, hoping she was not right. She avoided making a surprised sound, and listened until he finished describing him.

"Have you seen him?" a voice piped up beside Newt, when he had finished explaining. She was looked at with grey eyes. She shook her head, "No, I- I haven't seen him, sorry, hope you find who you're looking for, now goodbye," she quickly said, closing the door behind her.

"Well that was an unexpected ending."

"That may be true. Maybe we should begin to head back, it is beginning to get dark," Newt said and pointed at the almost dark starry sky.

Walking back to Anathema’s cottage, they were both worried and hoped that the others had found something, and that something being Crowley. While walking they saw Aziraphale, Adam and Brian walking. “Hey! Hello, guys, it’s us," Newt awkwardly waved as he shouted, while both Wensleydale and he caught up to them.

"Ahh, goodie," Aziraphale said, a worried expression on his face. “Did you find anything?"

"No, we didn’t, what about you three?" Wensleydale asked.

"No, we did not find anything in the woods either, we even searched our place there, but we could not find him," responded Brian.

"Maybe Pepper and Anathema have gotten something. Don’t worry Aziraphale," Adam said to Aziraphale’s now really worried expression. Aziraphale was about to protest that he was not that worried, even though it was pretty obvious, when Wensleydale cut in saying that they should head back to the cottage now where Pepper and Anathema could be waiting for them.

…

Back in Anathema’s cottage was Pepper and Anathema herself. They had decided to head back after they had searched a bit more after the discovery of Crowley's glasses.

Anathema was looking in some sort of book once in a while and getting what looked like herbs and other stuff and apparently a banana.

"Why are you getting a banana? Weren't you about to make a spell or something. Can you even use a banana for a spell?" Pepper asked as Anathema was about to take the banana up, she looked at Pepper and said, "Bananas are good, they also give a lot of potassium, yes, that is healthy. Always bring a banana to a party, Pepper," she said, took a bit of the banana, then picked up some more ingredients. Getting more stuff, she suddenly took a big, deep, and wide brown bowl and put it on the table and began to put some of the items in it, and then cutting others.

Someone knocked on the door.

Someone knocked again, this time a bit more impatient.

"I’m coming, I'm coming," Pepper said as she went to answer the door. When she opened it, she saw Aziraphale, Newt, Adam, Wensleydale and Brian. Suddenly Brian rushed past her.

"Sorry, but I really need the toilet."

As the others went inside and began to join Anathema near the kitchen, she was immediately bombarded with questions asking if she found anything. Looking a bit surprised at the sudden questioning she answered by showing them Crowley's glasses and quietly continued cutting the last ingredients to the locating spell.

"Oh dear," Aziraphale murmured, putting a hand on his heart, he went to sit down at the table.

"Do you think that I mean that Hell got him?" Newt said after a pregnant pause. Aziraphale looked warily at Newt. 

"I hope you are not correct, but I believe you might be right my friend," Aziraphale said and looked down at the table quietly.

"What is that?" someone asked Anathema, she was not quite sure who, but answered anyway.

"It is one of the ingredients in the spell."

"What spell?" Brian asked.

"A locator spell," Pepper answered Brian.

"I am almost done, Newt can you cut the last one," she asked. Newt walked over and began cutting. He may not be good with computers and other kinds of technology, but he did know his way around the kitchen and miraculously not breaking the oven or stove.

After having cut the last things, they were all gathered around the table, watching Anathema put it in the bowl and mix it together with a long silver pen, murmuring something. She looked down as the substance changed from brown to inky black.

"So, is that it?" Adam said, sounding disappointed, "It did not do anything." Just as he said that Anathema took Crowley’s dark glasses and put them beside the bowl.

"I don’t know if it will work well on celestial beings but let’s try," she said as she looked at Aziraphale and he nodded.

"Anthony J. Crowley," she said as she held the glasses for ten second.

The inky, sulphur colour began changing to a red before moving a bit aggressive around in the bowl then to a lovely green forest colour, settling for the colour it began to thin out and write something.

"Oh dear..."

…

He did not know how long he had been tortured by Belphegor or when he had stopped screaming due to his throat being sore from it, only a whimper made its way through every once in a while. Nor did he remember when Belphegor had stopped to take a little break; ‘to admire his work a bit,’ he said. It was during one of these breaks, when he was somehow in consciousness, he heard someone walk in.

"Pathetic," he heard the voice say. Was it Hastur? He could not hear much due to being almost unconscious but tried to listen anyway.

"Did you do as instructed?"

"Yes, I did. Special treatment and a little extra for fun, consider it a gift. Special delivery after all."

"Good, you two, come here!"

"Yes, Lord Hastur,” they both said as they came over. “Get him up, he is ready."

His chains tight hold began loosening on his arms, legs and his bloodied wings that came out sometime during the torture. He shivered and collapsed forward, getting caught by arms dragging him up, steading, he looked down on himself, seeing the blood on his trousers and shirt, he sighed and tried to walk after someone pushed him.

"You are pathetic, Crowley, just look at yourself right now, so weak, so small, pathetic," Hastur taunted, Crowley looked up at Hastur with foggy eyes. He gave a weak smile which turned into a ugly, pained grimace. “Well maybe I am beginning to resemble you now," he snarked. Hastur stopped and looked at him, the duke looked annoyed maybe even a bit insulted, he could not say.

"Do not play clever Crowley, it does not suit you," Hastur said to him, annoyed. He began walking faster, forcing Crowley and the two holding him, trying to keep up without falling or walking into someone.

Coming to a halt, they stopped in front of a dark door, Hastur made the two demons who held Crowley, walk away as Beelzebub came up beside him. Wait, when had ze joined them? He had not noticed zir before now. It was probably while he was focusing on not collapsing as they almost ran through the thick crowds.

Hastur nodded at Beelzebub and began walking away. Ze knocked on the door as Crowley steadied himself on a wall. He could not run away in his current condition, so he had to go with whatever they were doing - hopefully it was not anything too bad.

As the door opened, it showed a dark room with what looked like a chair and someone sitting lazily in it.

"Prince Beelzebub," a voice said. "Demon Crowley,” After a moment Crowley recognized the voice. 

It belonged to none other than Lucifer himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like siser Marys appearence?  
> Can some of you regonize the doctor who reference i put in, if you did, feel free to let me know,  
> Thanks again!
> 
> *Chapter two has been edited.


	3. Distant memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it took so long to upload this chapter, i just got new internet and it couldn't be used until the next day and the old had already been removed and also for more luck, a part of my violin broke and getting it fixed in these times, well you can guess the struggle, but luckily it is getting fixed now! Anyway thanks for patience and the kudos, it really makes my day.  
> Note: since i forgot to say it: I do not own Good Omens.  
> Also, this chapter gets dark with more torture, mostly white torture, link about it is at the end of the chapter, anyway enjoy!

’Prince Beelzebub,’’ a voiced said. ‘’Demon Crowley,’’ the voice said again, after a moment Crowley recognized the voice it belonged to none other than Lucifer himself. 

‘’Lord Lucifer,’’ Beelzebub said as ze bowed down to the king of hell, as she began walking further into the room, she motioned for Crowley to follow, being in pain and filled with dizziness he complied with still no other choice and began walking in like someone, who was very drunk. 

As the lights in the room turned on, Crowley saw Lucifer sitting lazily sideways on his throne but not in his beast form strangely, maybe he trusted Beelzebub more than he thought. His current form right now looked similar to his original one but this one had really, really dark red hair similar to his own but darker and his eyes were still a light red close to brown at first glance. Looking down he saw Lucifer holding a green object in his hand. 

When they were in front the throne, Beelzebub bowed down again and whispered to Crowley, saying he needed to bow as well. Sighing, he tried to bow down, only to begin falling forward, he tried to steady himself with his wings, by flapping them, only to end up with more pain, he succeeded by falling sideways instead. 

Beelzebub sighed, a bit of amusement shone in her eyes, ‘’we are sorry for the wait my lord, but we have him here now. The demon Crawly, fresh from the waiting cellz,’’ she said calmly, Crowley up looked at her as he got up, a bit insulted, he was about to say how it is Crowley now before Lucifer began. 

‘’Yes, I can see that, but I did say not to be so harsh on him,’’ he said calmly, you could hear a bit of irritation at the edge of his voice. As he began standing up, you could see him holding a green feather in his hand, ‘’go now, leave us Beelzebub,’’ Lucifer said. 

When Crowley looked him in the eyes, he could see that Lucifer looked exhausted and closed, he doubted that the others could see it. A void appeared when Lucifer looked down at the green feather, it was if he missed the owner of the feather or had a bad memory associated with the it but a memory no less, but of who? He briefly wondered who the owner of the feather was and who would have given it. 

He sucked in breath, it was habit by now, as he realized it was not any feather, it was HIS! 

He remembered when he gave Lucifer his feather from before the fall and how happy he was. He remembered how his wings used to have green on them, all the colour from his wings had sadly been turned into a sulphur black in the fall, he shook at the thought as memories of the fall played in his head. He never meant to fall and take the drop downwards, but he did and he can thank the former angel now demon who held onto him in his weakened state as it happened, it was a long time ago, he got over it. Right? 

But if Lucifer still had his feather, that would mean there was still some part of his brother in there and not just Satan, the devil, king of hell. A little annoying part of him that still considered Lucifer as the big brother to seek comfort in, desperately wanted to go hug him so he could take the bad away. 

He was brought out of his thought by a door closing, looking up he saw Lucifer standing and watching him with a questioning and curious look, feeling a bit vulnerable he began doing the same, looking, he could see that Lucifer was wearing a black long suite jacket and a red shirt under with some sort of fancy lose bow tie. 

After having looked each other in the eyes in silence for a few minutes, Lucifer decided to break it, ‘’You have a lot of nerves doing that, not many would dare do that with me,’’ he said wanting to hear why he did it. 

‘’Yeah, well I am not anyone,’’ Crowley said, attempting a smirk. 

It must have failed since Lucifer laughed albeit it sounding hollow, walking closer he put the feather in his chest pocket, he then began circling around Crowley. 

‘’Are you sure we have not met before? I feel like I should know you,’’ Lucifer asked him, pointing at Cowley. ‘’Yet you say we did not, you may not use words, but I know you deny it. Your eyes, your eyes tell a different story, I saw it when we had or little staring contest, recognition and hurt, you hid it pretty good, I will admit.’’ 

Biting his lip, he quietly cursed himself for trying to be a smart ass, he did not want Lucifer to know, that they know, or should he say knew? Each other, nor did he want him to realize who he was. 

It would be too painful for him. 

‘’Listen, why do we not make a deal with the devil? It’s not so bad, ‘’ Lucifer suggested, still strangely curious, you would think he did not have much to do here other than staring into a wall or looking over at a bit of paperwork from the day. ‘’Why don’t I heal some of the bigger parts of your many wounds and you will answer some of my questions, hm?’’ Lucifer said to him, as he looked at his bloodied wings. 

‘’Well, uh it is a very nice offer, but I have to decline it… My lord’’ Crowley declined. 

‘’Listen, I am not in the mood for this right now and would rather sit and dwell in my own thoughts than do this,’’ Lucifer explained quickly, sound annoyed. Sighing, Lucifer looked at Crowley and held his hand up and waved it a bit and some of Crowley’s bigger wounds began healing. 

Looking at his wings he took a deep breath and folded up his wings and got them into another plane. Taking a chance, Crowley said, ‘’then why did you heal me? If you obviously do not want to do this, just- just let me go, it will save you the trouble.’’ 

‘’Lucky for you, someone made sure I could never bare seeing anyone in pain for too long,’’ Lucifer said, ignoring him. 

‘’Lord, you do not mind me asking right? Who exactly made sure of that?’’ 

Lucifer looked him dead in the eyes with a sorrow full expression, quickly changing it to a cold stare, ‘’my younger brother, I’m sure you’ve heard of him: Raphael, *sigh* Well, it did get stronger after... You have heard of his fate, right? How he got murdered in cold blood.’’ Beginning to pace around the room, yes again, he continued, ‘’and you know what? They blame me! ME! As if i would ever kill my own younger brother, one of whom I grew up with! You know if I ever find the one who really did it.’’ Lucifer stopped and looked him dead in the eyes. ‘’I will kill them, no matter what.’’ He stopped and walked closer to Crowley again, who had just stood awkwardly and listened as Lucifer unconsciously told him stuff, he normally would not share with anyone, but he was not anyone. 

Lucifer laughed, sounding a bit insane, pointing at him, ‘’you see this proves it, I would never tell anyone this much, not even Beelzebub and ze is my right hand.’’ 

A pregnant pause came over the room as Lucifer went back to his throne and sat down, looking distant for a minute. 

Crowley was a bit shocked to say the least, he felt happy he made sure Lucifer did not like to watch people suffer, but just hearing Lucifer blurt out all his problems again was a stab right in the gut as a reminder of what used to be and how he was used to hearing his siblings telling their problems to him, hoping for some brotherly wisdom or a bit of advice? Or maybe just simply someone to listen, you do not always need advice, just someone to listen and hear what you have to say. But hearing it like that was a bit worrying and coming from Lucifer, he could expect a lot of build-up anger issues and probably more. He looked a bit wary and also hurt, was that how the others also felt about his supposed death? He was dead, no, Raphael was dead and in his burnt-out fire was he, Crowley, he was here now, at least some part of him was still here, still a bit of fire burning, trying to give comfort? But would it be enough? Even if he told Lucifer and the others that some part of good old not dead Raphael was still here, still kicking even after the last executions failed, he hoped this one would too. Would they even accept him? He was a demon now, cast out by god, looked down upon by the angels, all expect Aziraphale, poor Aziraphale, he never looked down upon him, only with unwanted pity and forgiveness. Aziraphale was only just a bit slow to realized they were not just co-workers from different areas and actually friends. He was saddened by the fact that he probably would not be able to see him one last time. Oh well, maybe he would be granted a last wish, he could write something to him, he just had to ask. Lucifer had been kind to him so far, mostly due to a strong recognition, he wondered how others were treated then? Seeing Satan in action of ‘justice’ was not something on his bucket list. 

‘’Now, I do not want to torture it out of you, and I have a small feeling your too stubborn to say, for now at least,’’ Lucifer drawled the word small out. 

Lucifer walked back up to his throne and sat down sideways again, giving off an aggressively clam vibe. 

A chair appeared beside Crowley, he looked confused down at it. 

‘’Sit,’’ a voice ordered. 

He sat down. 

‘’Listen, we have been at it for a long time now and I will ask you again,’’ Lucifer said patiently as he leaned forwards, ‘’Who. Are. You. Or should I say were.’’ 

No answer. 

Silence. 

Silence... 

More silence. 

‘’Very well then.’’ 

Lucifer stood up and walked over to Crowley stopping 3 feet in front of him, he looked down on him with a shadow on his face. 

Lucifer went in front of him and knelt down and took his face in his hand turning it to the right, ‘’so, you do not mind me asking why you have that tattoo/mark. (what should I call it?) and why it looks so familiar.’’ 

Crowley tried to get up but felt himself being held down by Lucifer 

‘’I have always had it,’’ Crowley said, worry creeping into his voice. It was technically the truth, he had always had the snake tattoo/mark, even before the fall, back then it was just above his corporeal body’s heart and a golden colour. 

‘’He had one as well, a snake just like you, the lines were just a bit more organised and golden in colour,’’ Lucifer silently said. ‘’How dare you pretend to look like him!’’ lucifer hissed at him. 

‘’What makes you think I am pretending?’’ Crowley snapped back at him. 

‘’You are a brave one, I admit, but saying that? Listen friend, Raphael is dead and will not return as far as anyone can tell. Look at god, she never brought him back! Did she even care for us? Her own children, was it all just lies? Did he have to die so her silly plan could work out her way, if he did, I do NOT want to be a part of that story anymore.’’ Lucifer exclaimed fast. 

Crowley had to admit, Lucifer did have a point in some aspects, did god even care of them? And were they just pawns in her story? Was all of this amusing for her? All this suffering? Seeing it all happen and be solved in another fifty years only to return one later. Did she really want him to fall and for what? 

If he didn’t fall, he would not have stopped Armageddon with Aziraphale and the others, if he was still up there, he probably would not give a damn about it, he really could not care if he did not want to. 

‘’Raphael?’’ 

He was driven out of his thought by that single word, slightly tensing by the sound of it, he looked down feeling vulnerable again, it was happening too much, he did not want to be an open book for anyone to read. 

Lucifer was mad, he was furious, yet a little part of him was hopeful, not that he minded that part much attention and when he probably did, it would be too late, but it was there and that little part had a hope that maybe, maybe his younger brother was not dead, but a demon instead, maybe he chose to join him instead, but why did he never come to see him? Okay he was a bit closed off the first few centuries but still. Just the mention of that name back then would have done it, right? He was so desperate to find him back then, but here he was denying the very thing he spent this day and many before mourning, searching, wishing for him to return in some form. Even if he came to him as a demon, he would be a bit surprised that god made Raphael fall, but he would help his brother no matter what and how he looked. 

Blinded by guilt and anger, Lucifer snapped, ‘Raphael,’ he said, he looked down at Crowley watching him tensing and quickly looking down. Lucifer tilted his head and looked cold and calculating down on him. 

Suddenly Crowley felt himself being lifted off the ground and his corporeal body’s throat being closed; something was pressing down on it. He could not move, no matter how much he struggled and fought back with his own powers, but he could never out match Lucifer. 

Suddenly, he hit the ground. 

Did he win? 

His head was forced up, looking up, he saw Lucifer walk at his right side. 

‘’Demon Crowley, hell have to make examples of traitors, I have to. You are already condemned to death by holy water but before that there is a surprise. Ever heard of ‘white torture?’ 

‘’No,’’ Crowley said, paling, he did know what it was and if he still knew hell, they would have a room specially for that and probably somewhere where time moved even faster than here for the fun of it. 

‘’So, you do know it,’’ Lucifer hinted, ‘’well I would not be surprised for someone who was tasked with being the surface dweller for a supposed eternity.’’ Lucifer snapped his fingers, suddenly the door opened, and three people walked in two of whom he recognized to be Beelzebub and Hastur, but the last he had a bit of trouble with. Alastair, it was Alastair, Alastair was rarely seen, usually in the deeper parts of hell, where he was going now. 

Alastair had tall sharp features and she had a big arse spider on both her shoulders, it looked like they were making a web in her dark hair. She had a plague doctors' jacket on which shielded most of her body. 

‘’Boys,’’ Alastair said, her voice sounding like a sing song, sang too sweet, two demons appeared and took a hold of Crowley. 

They began dragging him out of the room followed by Abaddon and Hastur, looking back he saw Lucifer sitting on his throne with a distant look and Beelzebub standing by his side talking to him as if ze was talking to an old friend. 

… 

As they were walking Hastur suddenly spoke to him, ‘’as much as I never wanted this to be your fate. You deserve something for killing Ligur,’’ He said quietly, not wanting to continue a conversation. 

They had been walking for a while now, down a couple of corridors and a few stairs. Crowley did not know hell as much as he thought, this was deeper part, too deep underground for his liking. 

Finally, after what felt years, they stopped in front a white door, the only door in the small, deserted corridor. 

‘’Say your goodbye Hastur,’’ a female voice said, ‘’he might need it,’’ it giggled again. 

‘’Bye, bye Crowley see you in a few hours or should I say years, time does move differently down here,’’ Hastur said, giving a grimace of a smile and walked away. 

The door opened. 

Walking in he could immediately feel it, the time shift, what could be second even hours out there would be weeks and clearly months in here, he wondered If he could see Hastur Slow walking back up again. 

Inside the room was an Alarmingly white corridor with white doors, it was clean looking, too clean, even clean could be too much for Crowley's standards. Looking more around, he saw more demons down here, all in white clothes not making a sound, he recognized one as Paimon, he liked Paimon, he had only met him once, a bit of soul business. 

Suddenly, he was dragged towards a white chair, pushed down so he was forced to sit, down. 

‘’Well, well, well, what should we give ya?’’ Snapping her finger, Crowley’s original clothes was suddenly gone, replaced with a white shirt and pants plus cheap looking white shoes. 

‘’Get up,’’ Alastair said. 

He took a moment, deciding to ask if he could write that letter. He opened his mouth about to ask. 

Then he heard a ‘no.’ 

Sighing, he got up and sadden, followed Abaddon over to one of the white doors. 

‘’Inside,’’ was all he heard before he was pushed into the white room. 

As he fell, he tried to steady himself, falling on his hands as the door closed with no sound at all. 

He got up and looked around and saw a white blanket laying on the floor and nothing on the walls, it was just completely white and nothing else. 

Deciding he did not know when he would get out, he wanted to try and sleep through most of it, he got over to the blankets and laid down on it and tried to sleep. 

Nothing happened, it was as if something was blocking him from it, in these circumstances there probably was. 

Sighing, he wondered what else he should do now, plan his escape? try sleeping again? Or just walk around or talk to himself? 

He wondered how long he would have his sanity in check. Deciding to still lay down, he sprawled across the floor, doing whatever you do when you're bored and want to pass time. 

… 

He did not know how long he had been in the stupid room, hours? Days? Weeks? Or more, it did not matter he still had not succumbed to any loss off sanity yet, had he? Noo, it was hard remembering how he had acted before the white room, he missed colours, white was boring, annoying, and mean! When he got out, if. He would never ever have anything, white ever again! The colour meant nothing to him but if Zira wanted white, he could accept it. Didn’t he also have white curly hair? 

He did! 

Didn’t he? 

It was all a bit fuzzy, some bits more than others, who... Who was Zira again? It was not his real name, he was not sure, was it Zirafell? No, no, Aziraphale? Nooo, wait! It was, oh, how he missed the guy, he had always been so kind to him ever since he met him around sometime, he did not recall when at the moment. 

… 

Letter. What letter? Why was he thinking about letters? Thoughts about writing a letter suddenly came to mind, he did not remember why or who he could write to, maybe that witch friend and her boyfriend, girlfriend? And, and those who... He did not remember! He felt himself panic and moved around in the corner he had laid himself in. 

He tripped on something, falling face forwards, ‘’Owwww,’’ someone said, Crowley looked frantically around trying to identify the voice but found none, only himself, it must have been him, he hadn't spoken in a while now, only looked around and sat in the corner after he saw red, which he discovered was his own hair, he had tried to see more of it but failed and got pain instead, a pained sound had escaped his throat, he got scared again and tried to find any other presence in the room, desperately wanting for someone to be there with him and yet wishing to be left alone: he had screamed. 

For the first time he was not staying quiet with an occasional sound coming through. 

… 

He had lost it. After what who know how long, years? He did not care anymore; It all became dull a while ago and he began retreating into himself, going through whatever memory wasn’t all that fuzzy and still had some meaning, it didn’t matter he wasn’t able to identify most of the people there, he just gave them nicknames like bow tie or purple eye, white wing, glitter, silver tip, glasses one and two, Clumsy kid. He knew he knew them and cared for them but it was hard to care for someone who was all blurry and fuggy in your mind, one part did not care about it and the other half panicked about it, not caring for people you know was bad. Just another reminder of what has currently happening, but there he was sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, quietly humming an old tune to himself, feeling strangely comforted by it, he absently minded who he had heard it from... 

… 

Silence. It had long since been accepted and despised by Crowley. He hated it, but he hated the fact more that no one was there or even came to visit him, why would they? Did they even care for him anymore? What about the one who created him, always silence, he just wanted an answer just like he does now, just from more people as well. Getting up from the floor, he began walking around the room, annoyingly hit himself, he was bored! Awake 24/7 would do that for you, with nothing to entertain. This place was driving him mad, he thought, he began laughing which turned into an insane laughing fit, collapsing in his corner again he put his head in front of his knees and began humming an old, forgotten tune that calmed him down after these stupid, stupid episodes! 

He missed the outside world and how it looked, he missed the plants and the sun, oh the lovely sun, even the moon, it looked nice as well but most of all he missed home and the people there. He wanted to go home but he was not sure about where home was anymore or who the people there were, he just wanted to see a garden again. 

… 

He was being dragged around by someone, he did not remember when he had gotten out, wait. He had gotten out! He immediately felt happy or he thought he did, but how did he get out? WHY DID EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO FUZZY... 

Crowley sat in His corner, head behind his knees, arms full of old cuts, his mind closed, he had shielded himself from the outside world, hiding in his mind, doing nothing else but staring distantly at a wall or nothing at all. 

Suddenly a door that had not been there for a long time appeared and someone walked in and began talking. 

‘’Is he ready? Yes, yes of course he is d ready! well I am sorry you had to wait a few hours up there, yes, I kno’ I did not send a message, givin progress, but can ya blame me? Time moves slower down ‘ere, and it has been a really long while down here, yes, we are coming up. As I say to all, be warned, they are a changed person,’’ laughing. Alastair ended the call and got two other demons in to get him, having worked way down here, made you see a few things and even some demons couldn’t handle it but other did and eventually ignored it all together and made it as a regular day, which it was, there was more screaming and silence combined. 

... 

Crowley did not pay attention when they walked, seemingly going on auto pilot, and following the others as much as he was being pulled. Still inside his mind, he looked distant and insane, which he was. Seemingly halting somewhere for a few seconds before going through a door, Crowley was pushed down on a chair and sat down, still silent. 

‘’There, ya happy now?’’ Alastair said. 

‘’Yes, he is ready, execution is now, now you may go Alastair, you have done your job,’’ a voice said. 

Bowing, Alastair walked over to the door and exited with the two demons she brought with her. 

Silence. 

‘’Someone is quiet, are they not?’’ 

No answer came. 

‘’No snaky comments either, huh?’’ 

Still no answer came. 

‘’Good, we do not want you to interrupt your own execution yet again, not that it looks like you can,’’ the voice said amused. ‘’Get him. It is over now. On my command.’’ 

Being lifted off the chair over to his end, Crowley was still quiet, no fear or worry was there, he could not care anymore. 

Most of what made him, him was taking away, he just wanted some peace now, if he even deserved that, even after it all. 

‘’Now.’’ Was the last thing he really heard before he felt something pull at his mind, as if searching but unable to, was it a spell? Bit late for that, he took a closer look at it and decided to try and write the letter he had wanted to for the last uh, time, he tried to write something with the spell and felt it pull and then accept it, he wrote what first came to mind, he didn’t really care or notice what it was but hoped the message could be understood and wrote: 

Zira, it’s me? I’m sorry, Crowle- 

All went black as he felt something pierce through his stomach, they clearly did not have any spare holy water. 

As all went dark, he felt a peaceful eave come with it, he welcomed it. 

... 

‘’What? How? Why?!’’ Someone exclaimed terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But honestly, don't you like a cliffhanger? Me neither.  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_torture If wiki doesn't help explain it try other sites for more answers.


	4. Memories of the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking so long in updating, i now have fully almost fledge school days again and my usual routine have been chaos these past few days but i finally got it done! I hope you enjoy.  
> I must thank my mom for wanting to read this and who kept bugging me to finish it and my friend who encouraged me to keep this going and who's birthday is today, Happy birthday!  
> *note: i wanna say before the confusion, the memories are in the past before Lucifer became Samael.

Being dead was a one of a kind thing, you could say that death was another way of taking a resting or a really deep sleeping, at least for angels and demons.

Since Humans and other animals had heaven and hell as their end destination but between angels and demons, it was always theorized about what happened after their death.

Some believed they would become a star, shining brightly along with their fallen brethren and the other stars. Others believed that you simply just got erased from existence after you die, there was no heaven, hell or even purgatory for them. At least not of what they know of, no one had ever come back from the dead. At least not yet.

Crowley did not know how much time had passed or where he was nor did he really care about it, where ever he was, he felt at rest and at a peace, a feeling he had not felt in a long time.

There was not much he could do wherever he was, but sometimes he went through a few memories, they were a bit distant or he just wasn’t focusing on it properly due to being caught in another wave of peace or sleepiness and had welcomed it.

Today, well whatever day it was, he decided he wanted to go through some available memories and picked one he felt was a good one, he rarely found a bad one but when he did, they were blurry and distant and quickly got blurrier and he quickly got out due to a weird shock.

…

_He was flying through a big garden, his gaze looking down, searching for someone, he did not have to search long thankfully, as he flew down, he was greeted with three pairs of white wings that engulfed him along with a hug, laughing, he greeted the person with the three pairs of white wings, ‘’ Samael, what are you doing?’’ He said amused._

_‘’Well this is how I greet my younger siblings, Raph and you, my dear younger sibling, is one of them,’’ Samael answered smugly, extending one arm over him._

_Ducking under the arm, he turned to Samael curiously, ‘’but why did you call for me? I do not think it was just to greet me, I was forced to cancel my promise to teach Uriel how to take care of some of the flowers so I could meet you here.’’ He said, hoping for an answer._

_Samael smiled smugly at him, ‘’do not worry, I would never waste your time brother, but this is what we have been waiting for! She accepted our request of taking the dark away and giving it colour!’’ He said looking up, spreading his arms, excitedly smiling._

_‘’She-she accepted it?’’ He said surprised, excitement coming into his voice._

_Nodding, Samael’s smiled widened, ‘’Yes, she did! She said she would join us at some point and do something, I do not know what and I can’t wait till we get started! Can we please get started now? We promised we would do it together, we can ask if the others want to join later, can we start now? Please,’’ Samael confirmed and asked, giving a one of a kind puppy eyes._

_‘’Yes, yes! I did not cancel anything to just stare at the ground, well I presume I can just go back and say ‘let us go in the garden, nah, do not worry, I cancelled it just to realize I did not want to do it.’_

_Samael stared at him confused._

_He began laughing, a twinkle in his eye, ‘’Shall we go my dear brother?’’ He amusingly asked._

_Samael smiled at him and motioned for him to follow and was about to before he remembered something._

_‘’Wait!’’ He said quickly._

_Samael stopped and looked at him confused as to why he suddenly stopped._

_‘’Before we go I want to give you something, I have wanted to give it for a while, but I-I kept delaying it, due to me being nervous or both of us not having time and forgetting, I know you gave me one but I also wanted to give one to you,’’ he held out his hand, something green was laying on it as he rambled on._

_Samael looked down at his hand, taking in, what was in it, contemplating with himself weather he should take it or not, unable to get a word out of his traitorous throat, he strongly pulled Raphael into a hug, silently but carefully taking a hold off the green object._

_‘’a-are you sure?’’ Samael tried to say, still unable to say anything, only those three words got out, continuing to hug him for a little while longer until he finally stepped back and looked at the green feather, smiling he said, ‘’well, honestly? I love it, thank you, little brother,’’_

_‘’No problem Sam.’’_

_‘’We should go and begin before well, you know,’’ Lucifer tried after a comfortable silence._

_Nodding, he agreed, motioning for Samael to follow him after Samael had placed the feather some where he could get it afterwards, he realized he did not know the way. He chuckled, finding amusement in it._

_‘’What is it?’’ Samael asked, curious as to why he chuckled._

_‘’Well I-I motioned for you to follow so we could go but I just realized I did not know the way and yet I began moving away,’’ he said between small laughs._

_Samael looked dumbfounded at him, a smile slowly showing on his face, ‘’oh Raph, I cannot avoid loving your humour, what would we do without you?’’ Samael said as he began flying away with him following behind, suddenly flying up beside him, ‘’probably something else, really, just do not, do not get so sad if something ever happened… Do not worry, nothing is going to happen, nothing will, trust me,’’ he babbled._

…

As Crowley was in one of his memories, everything suddenly became a bit less focused again, he felt himself beginning to get a bit exhausted, trying to keep the good memory in focus, manging some of it.

…

_‘’Are you ready?’’ a voiced asked._

_‘’Together,’’ he answered._

_‘’Together,’’ the voice repeated._

_A dark, quiet space was in front of them both, deciding to start with something so simple as different colours, they agreed to, instead of just making an orange dot here and a blue dot there, they decided to kind of push it together and mostly just hope for the best._

_He held his left hand out to his side and waited for it to be taken and it did. Light suddenly filled both their hands, taking different forms and getting brighter until it looked as bright as a... A star, yes that sounded about right, that word. Throwing their hands out, the colour quickly swirled somewhere and what it did you could resemble to exploding yet it looked nothing like it, but it immediately ‘exploded’ And began forming some sort of pattern._

_‘’You did it! Ha!’’_

_‘’Well you also did it, it wasn’t me alone you know,’’_

_Smugly smiling he said, ‘’Well, what a star,’’ tasting the new word, he continued, ‘’Morningstar.’’_

…

An abruptly force forced him out of a memory, it almost felt like a careful shove or pull he mused. He did not feel sleepy nor exhausted, it was something else then... But what?

There was nothing to see, all was still quiet, no noise either, it was all just dark and quiet, nothing else, he looked around again, still seeing nothing other than darkness until he looked closer, becoming brighter and brighter was what looked like a swirling white circle, wishing for him to come closer, promising things would change. For the better or worse it did not say. Flying? Walking closer to the swirling mass, he felt something warm reach out to him, he wantd to trust it he really did.

...

Screaming, all he heard was screaming, all on fire, no, no he was not on fire, falling, no, being pulled painfully. he did not feel anything, he could only see, watch, and listen to it all.

Something on his side began aching painfully, copying what he was seeing. A memory something supplied him, his memory. The pain in his side began aching more painfully, it probably was not only his side hurting. Biting back a scream as a light engulfed him, trying to sooth him, claiming they would meet again.

...

‘’What? How? Why?!’’ Someone exclaimed terrified.

As the mass finally revealed a location but it was not a location, it was words, written if someone was hurrying to write it and close to forgetting what they were writing:

Zira, it’s me? I’m sorry, Crowle-

‘’Crowley, Crowley! Oh no, no, no. He-he would not, not...’’ Aziraphale protested to himself, looking up, fear for the first time visible on his face.

Everyone stood quietly, not doing anything else,

‘’Are we sure it works on demons?’’ Pepper slowly said, hope visible in her voice.

‘’I-I don’t know, it should but-but I honestly don’t know,’’ Anathema stammered, unsure if it even worked.

The writing in the bowl looked and resembled Crowley’s writing but how could he be sure? It could just be a trick, made by who? Hell? Heaven? No, no it could not be heaven, they would not care about Crowley, except if he were smitten. Could it have been hell? But how could he be sure? Crowley would not just wander around or get napped, last time he did get kidnapped, they were both meant to get kidnapped, only so they would not be bothered anymore by both sides. Well it appears to be a failure with hell, he hoped heaven was not involved in it, oh lord, why did she have to do it? Why him?

Aziraphale sighed, looking up he saw everyone else looking either with worry or sympathy.

Thinking about trying to say something, he opened his mouth.

No words came out.

‘’Are-are you sure it is his writing?’’

Somehow finding his voice, he answered, ‘’Yes-yes, I am sadly quite sure it is his writing. I have known him for thousands of years; we have worked together for most of them but still, it was my fault for not realizing our friendship sooner.’’

‘’Is there a chance we know for certain he is not what we have been implying for the last few minutes, maybe this is just a sick joke he made for. For… I do not know.’’ Adam speculated poorly.

‘’Can we not well, I do not know, ask someone who can clarify if...’’

Someone knocked on the door.

Again, Knock, knock.

The Them, Anathema, newt and Aziraphale stood for a moment listening, a hope swelled up in Aziraphale’s chest before Anathema, Newt and he went to answer the door.

As Anathema, who reached the door first, opened it only to see who they guessed to be a really late mailman driving away quickly.

On the doorstep laid a small letter, it looked old but well-kept in shape, a name was written in a classy old writing. Agnes Nutter writing.

‘Oh no,’ Aziraphale heard Anathema quietly mumble to herself as he bended down to pick up the letter, inspecting it slowly before following the witch and former witch hunter back to the living room where the Them had went and sat down, this time taking the couch and chair, well Dog had taken the chair.

‘’Who was at the door?’’ Adam asked.

‘’You know, just the mailman carrying yet another thing from Agnes.’’ Anathema informed an edge to her voice.

‘Eh’ Aziraphale said as he tried to hand the letter to Anathema, she shook her head motioning for Aziraphale to read it.

_As they had made them selves as comfortable as they could at the moment, he began reading the letter aloud._

_As ye did not expect me to write thy a letter, dis different. Ye’re friend, thy demon has sadly passed, I am sorry for it is I who has to giveth thee message all thee way back from 1656. Fear not foolish angel, ye are strong like a fyre and shall not needth to worry much longer. He will come in front of thy see through brick, be wary, he has thy answers._

_Your dearest Agnes Nutter._

_See his eyes, ye foolish angel._

As he finished reading, he looked up to see the shocked and surprised faces of Anathema and Newt, he looked at them confused,

‘’What?’’

‘’Did she just,’’ Newt said, looking surprised at Anathema.

‘’Yeah, I think she did,’’ She answered.

Still not getting what they were implying, he turned and looked at the Them, who did not know who Agnes was. ‘’She was flirting with you!’’ Adam informed him, beginning to laugh with the Them.

‘’Oh dear.’’ Aziraphale murmured.

‘’Well what do you guys think she meant with ‘he will come in front of thy see through brick.’’ Anathema questioned after Aziraphale had gotten what they were saying.

‘’I believe she would be talking about me, young lady.’’ A dark figure said, standing in front of a window.

The people immediately tensed up from the new sudden appearance.

‘’Death.’’ Aziraphale acknowledge, a worried edge to his voice, ready to defend his friends, he stood in front of the Them and looked death in the eyes. ‘’what are you doing here? I assure you no one has died. At least not here anyway,’’ He asked.

‘’Or hello as some people would say,’’ Death said.

What are you doing here?’’ Aziraphale repeated.

Death ignored him and proceed to look around the room and the other occupants, his gaze lasting a second longer on Adam before looking at Aziraphale with a mysterious twinkle in his almost none visible eyes and said, ‘’to answer some questions,’’ He said lazily.

‘’About what?’’ Adam asked, still having nerves to ask death and not go hiding immediately afterwards. Death looked down at the former antichrist.

‘’I think you and your friends know the answer young boy,’’ Death answered.

‘’Crowley,’’ it was a whisper but loud enough so death could hear it, with or without supernatural senses.

‘’Your old friend is not here anymore, besides that is not his true name nor did the spell you performed fully work, you got through but not fully.’’ Death informed.

A silence fell over six of the occupants in the room while the other simply waited, ever patient.

‘’Before you ask why or any other questions, you all should know by now that names have power, some more than others. The given name or those you use to hide or disguise something.’’

Yet another silence filled the room.

‘’Does that mean what I think it does... W-’’ Anathema slowly stated before being interrupted.

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Wait your real name is not death?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Crowley’s real name isn-’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Then if your real name is not death, then what is it?’’ Adam suddenly asked.

‘’You already know the answer, all of you yet again. You should know this Aziraphale,’’ Death answered.

Aziraphale was about to say something about how he did not know but if he supposedly knew, he was not sure if he should say it. ‘’What about Crowley’s?’’ A quiet voice piped up.

‘’That is not for me to tell young one. Crowley is who he is and is who he was and is who he will always be.’’ Death confusingly replied after mumbling something about ‘meeting all’ and ‘always saying who you were old friend.’

‘’I believe it is time for me to go now, we shall see each other in the future,’’ Death said with a mysterious gilt in his eyes, ‘’Should children this age not be asleep by now?’’ He continued before disappearing.

A small pause came in the room.

‘’Well do not sit there, d-death was right it is almost 12 am (24)’’ Anathema suddenly said, guiding the annoyed Them towards the door.

‘’We will come back tomorrow, goodnight!’’ Adam said before being hurtled outside by Dog,

‘’I will be back in a few minutes, by the way Aziraphale, if you want you can stay here for the night, we have a spare room,’’ Anathema said.

‘’Thank you for the nice offer, I-I think I can stay for the night but I do not need sleep, is it okay if I use the living room to read for the night?’’

Anathema nodded before following the Them home.

…

After Anathema had come back, she and Newt bid Aziraphale goodnight and went in for the night. Aziraphale sat down in the living room couch and decided to miracle a book from his bookshop so he could read during the night instead of dwelling over his many thoughts.

(sorry a bit rushed I know)

…

It was during the late noon, and the Them had returned as they promised the night earlier.

All seven of them were discussing in the garden about what death had said and what they could and would do now, when a sudden rush of a strong power blew past them, so near and strong that any human in the near 50 mile radius would have felt something. Aziraphale looked up as did the others.

‘’What was that?’’ Anathema asked.

‘’It looks like someone is falling… Like a meteor towards the... The forest of all places, we should probably go and look,’’ Pepper said.

Nodding the group of humans and an angel went over to the forest in a hurry.

They met that angry old man, as he was walking his dog. Ignoring his silly remarks about running in the streets, they continued.

When they reached the forest, they did not expect to see a person laying on the ground looking dizzy, but that was what greeted them when they arrived, they inspected the man lying on the ground. When he suddenly looked up at them, he said shocked and surprised, ‘’Aziraphale,’’ before he passed out.

‘’What the-


	5. A long awaited talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it took so long for me to wirte it. I had a bit of trouble with the beginning but figured it out but stuff kept happening.  
> An angst warning is being placed here.

_A light engulfed him, soothing him, claiming they would meet again._

…

When the light finally ended, he got to consciousness shortly before falling into unconsciousness again, fighting to stay awake, he tried to focus on his blurry surroundings, when he finally manged to focus on some parts, he realized he was falling or rather sauntering fast. He wanted to scream. If that was not what made him fully awake, he did not know.

Trying to look down? Up? So he could see where he was heading, now dangerously fast, finally finding the right direction. He quickly began panicking about where he was, was this another tick by hell?He tried to see where he was but with his fast speeding downwards, it was a bit problematic; He tried, to slow his fall down, only to end up doing a flying back flip, finally finding the direction he wanted, he looked down at the different countries, guessing he was somewhere around the north... Ohh, why was he so dizzy? It was all confusing right now, maybe because everything was upside down, oh yeah should be able to do it. Feeling to too tired and exhausted to do anything about it, he distantly decided to close his eyes for a few seconds...

Crowley awoke after god know how long, feeling himself falling closer and closer to earth in an immense speed, not being able to do much about it, except at the impact, he tried to slow down, not feeling his wings, he began to panic, silently begging for nothing to have happend to them. Too caught up in his panic he did not realize the moment he landed and how much it probably would hurt later on...

It hurt.

Everything hurt. Crowley had expected it to hurt more like last time... what last time? From when he fell the first time? Or like hell tortured him? The mere mention of it made him shiver... It strangely did not hurt like that, at least not as much.

He was shocked he was not as… Well as insane, but he somehow was not, did death do that to you? Or was it what or whoever brought him back. 

He was happy about the insanity part, but what about the memories and the trauma they carry? Feelign less like a coward, he tried looking at his memories of how hell had thier fun with him, he found stuff that was msotly blurry. Figuring it as some kind of defense, since his mind had tried to block the memories but having half success. He knew he would remember more later and in more vivid details later on.

Crowley didn't understand.

Had he come back to life only to fall again? So soon? He never asked for a second chance... WAIT! He was alive? Why? Did God bring him back or, or-

He could not dwell on that thought too long, until he saw blurry figures come up to him, momentarly stiffning as some appeared closer than others, forcing his eyes to focus, he squinted them before finally seeing more than blurry figures, he looked up at the closest one and saw a top of white hair, recognition dawn on him and he surprised said, ‘’Aziraphale,’’ before he felt himself slip into unconsciousness again, but not before feeling proud that he regonized a face.

‘’What the f-’’

‘’Language!’’

‘’Sorry, sorry.’’

‘’uhm, who is that man? Is he even a man?’’

‘’He just fell from the sky. The sky!’’

‘’Oh no, oh no.’’

‘’How is he still alive?’’

‘’He said your name, he said-’’

‘’Everyone just be quiet! Please,’’ Aziraphale snapped between the many voices. Looking around, he saw shocked faces and one unconscious, ‘’well, we should probably help him,’’ Aziraphale said slowly as he pointed to the unconscious redhead on the forest ground surrounded by leaves.

…

Back in the cottage were a celestial being, six humans, one a witch, another an ex-witch finder, a former anti-Christ and his three friends and an unknown unconscious man.

Angel? Demon? If that was the case, there were then two celestial beings in the cottage again. But if he was an angel. He certainly did not look like a demon, no demonic traits, except that fiery auburn hair. Painful reminders... No! No time to think about that, but maybe... No! But still...

"Aziraphale?" Anathema said, driving him out of his thought process, he was so sure he said out loud but did not.

He turned around, looking at Anathema questioning. ‘’About this guy, he does not look human. I mean his aura does not fit one, it is too big, and it feels powerful, really powerful! Do you think he is an angel or?’’ Anathema said.

‘"Well I am not quite sure myself yet, we will have to ask him ourselves to get the answer. I am afraid that must wait since he seems to be unconscious at the moment.’’ Aziraphale answered.

"We can get some drinks while we wait?" Newt piped in.

"Of course, Newt, you don't need to ask me that, I think everyone could do with one at the moment, maybe even our unconscious friend would like some too when he wakes up,’’ Anathema stated.

"If he wakes up,’’ came a mumble from the Them sitting in the kitchen.

"I heard that!’’ Anathema yelled to the kitchen.

"Sorry!’’ one of the Them said and all four of them began laughing as if they had heard a really funny joke.

Aziraphale sat in the living room on the armchair thinking about who the man lying on the couch was, he had some theories, but none that made sense. He also had questions, questions he was not sure could be answered, but he had to hope that some of them could even if it were only one of them. He wondered when the red haired man would wake up, if he woke up, he would wake up, nothing too serious happened to him, well other than falling hundreds of hundreds miles from heaven? Or somewhere else maybe, he was not quite sure, but if the man was from heaven. He should first stop calling him a ‘man’ but still, was he from heaven and thrown out. Something was going on in heaven. It was rare for heaven to simply throw an angel out, they would never do that, wether it was down to earth or hell.

Last time it happened, it was during the flood, the watchers fell and was imprisoned on earth, in a desert somewhere only the archangels know. Doomed to wait until Armageddon would come and they would receive judgement. A little harsh in his opinion really. But luckily Crowley and he stopped it, but was the watchers free now? He hoped not, years of isolation would have done something to them, if they were free, himself and Crowley, no! Crowley was... No! He could not be! Could he?.

He would still help them; Crowley would have wished that... He looked over at the unconscious man no, angel and wondered what he had done since he ended up here. Why here exactly? Work of god? Maybe.

"Drinks are ready, hope it is alright you got tea Aziraphale,’’ Newt said as he gave Anathema her coffee after having given the Them their apple juice.

"Is he awake yet?’’ Anathema asked as she walked into the living room, Aziraphale shook his head, ‘’well, I think he looks like he is,’’ Adam said, looking at the couch where the man had opened his eyes and was looking at them with a curious confused look, a glint of worry.

"Oh, I am so sorry we didn't see you were awake yet, we have made you something to drink," Aziraphale said.

"We actually haven’t made something yet; we weren't sure what he wanted and thought it best to wait for him to wake." Newt said awkwardly.

"It is okay, he can get some of our apple juice, we do not mind sharing with him, we even have a spare cup,’’ Adam said as the Them agreed, he went over and put the cup on the table and went back to the Them and drank some of his own apple juice.

He looked down at the drink and back up to the many faces staring at him. That did not make him uncomfortable at all, nope. He looked back up again, deciding he shoudl try to speak, he slowly said: "Well, thank you for the offer but I don't drink. At all nor do I eat; it is rare when I do. Sorry," he said the last part as he looked down not feeling well with people at the moment, not that he hated said people, but after going through _that_ , it was one of the smaller.

"Oh, that's okay, you don't need to drink it." Adam said.

"Sorry but we got to ask, are you an angel?" Anathema asked.

"Uhmmm," Crowley started and was about to deny he was an angel, before he realized he was once again one, how did tha happen? Did God make him one again? And then why? I didn't make sense, what did he do to be forgiven? before he could get more annoyed, he reminded himself he should answer Anathemas question before the silnce would get too long. "Yes, I am,’’ he answered, annoyed and confused qt the fact. 

"Okay." Anathema simply said.

"Why are you here?" Pepper asked.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Brian questioned.

More and more questions came, he did not have time to answer any, before there came another. Those kids really knew how to ask something, it was good? But right now, it was stressing and getting uncomfortbale, he still felt unsure about emotions, for some reason he felt he would remember soon enough.

He felt the diffrent voiced get muffled, it felt as if he was under water, close to drowning, yet not. His breathing began pickign up pace, he tried to get it under control. He looked around, seeing thing almost form afar. The adults looked like they hadn't spoken, thankfully, probably just thinking or watching the exchange. Aziraphale had been quiet as well, he looked lost in thought, not paying much attention, it was unusual for him to be that but it was also unusual for himself to be panicking under questioning. His stress and discomfort must had been quite visible since they stopped their questioning ranting and looked at him worried.

"Are you okay?" Adam asked him.

"Yes." lie. He said too fast for it to have been true and he knew some of them knew it as well, but thankfuly didn't comment on it.

"okay, why don’t we take it slow."

"I will go first, who are you?" Adam asked him, looking at his now shoulder length hair.

"why do- "

"I Know it! But how, how are you alive?" Aziraphale suddenly exclaimed, making Crowley flinch and mumble annoyed to himself. The others looked at Aziraphale as if he suddenly had grown a second head.

"Apologies, I think I just figured out who our new friend here is, after I recognized the golden… does not matter, that part," he said sheepishly. "Sorry for the shock, mind if I introduce you to the others? This is quiet the honour." An uncertain nod came and Aziraphale continued, completely ignoring the confused and impatient gazes. "This my friends, is Raphael, the Archangel."

Crowley looked around and back to Aziraphale with a ‘really look.' Almost gaping when he said his angelic name, having thought he had recognized _him_ but apparently not. Had he changed so much? he had not had the time to check how he looked, only the fact that his hair was longer and less fiery red, it now had a more auburn feeling in it, still red though, did he still have the snake?

"Were you not supposed to be dead or do I not remember correctly? Aziraphale said you was that or either missing, where were you? I don't blame you for leaving heaven, it does not seem to be a good place at the moment," Adam asked confused, hoping he could answer.

"Just, somewhere else... Not really by my own choice of course. For Sa- Go- Who knows how long,’’ Raphael answered, trying to supress a shiver, but failing. looking at Adam, like he could not believe something about him.

"Where? Were you on earth? Or where you in hell?" Adam said, starring right into Raphael’s green eyes challengingly, but Raphael did not seem to notice or maybe just not care.

Raphael looked uncomfortably away, an unfocused glint showing in his eyes, from the other occupants in the room after Adam had asked that question.

Raphael finally said something (more like mumbled) "It was not a nice place, let's leave it at that." He was silent before continuing quietly. "Okay? It doesn't matter anymore. I'm here, not there." 

"What happened there?" Asked Anathema, breaking the silence.

Crowley had decided he would remain quiet and proceeded to ignore the attention currently directed on him.

He hoped he did not have to answer more questions, what is it they say? Yes, you cannot have everything in life, even if it is your second one. He stayed silent, trying to give a smile, ending up making a grimace. Exhaling he gave a hollow smile. "It was not nice, I can’t, won’t talk about it, sorry, maybe A another time."

"Were you really in hell the whole time? Heaven had been searching for you ever since the fall! Why didn’t you try to reach out? Give off some power, let them know,’’ Aziraphale restated shocked and worried, taking the subtext.

Why couldn’t Raphael do anything about it before now? And why did he only escape now. There was something he was forgetting...

Raphael looked up, his eyes filled with guilt and another emotion, "I'm sorry, I couldn't..."

"Why couldn’t you?"

Raphael shifted uncomfortably in his current position, looking uncomfortable, feeling a sudden need to run away, was this how panic attack felt? Oh no, that, that was not a nice feeling.

"Can I use your-your restroom? I-I need-want to see ss-something, sorry!" Raphael uttered as he stood up, shaking, not waiting for an answer, he quickly left the room.

"What just happened?" Anathema said, surprised at Raphael’s sudden leave.

"I think that was a panic attack, my dear Anathema. Raphael had not escaped hell without a few problems, if he was in hell.’’ Aziraphale answered worried.

Raphael had not come back from hell without a few troubling things following him, he wondered how long he was… being hurt, did Crowley know about him? If he did, why did he not tell? No! Crowley would have told him and even try to help Raphael escape, even if he did not want to admit it. He needed to ask if Raphael knew Crowley, maybe Crowley did manage to escape! Doesn’t matter what death said…

He wondered why he was not sitting in his book shop moping about and ignoring people and praying to god that Crowley should return somehow. It was not fair! He felt a strong need to mourn Crowley, but somehow… **Why?**

He had never thought ‘why’ before, always thinking and claiming it was part of the ineffable plan, did god even have a plan or was it all just made up to give some sort of safety for people, so they would not worry about stuff or, or… he was not sure himself, well that was the point, was it not?

"We need to help him then!" Pepper said strongly.

"But how? We do not know much about it," Wensleydale said to Pepper.

Pepper shrugged, "maybe the adults know something? They can help us to help."

"Can you help us? We really want to help Raphael," Adam agreed, looking up at the three adults.

"Yes, but it will take some time to heal, it is not something that disappears after one or two days but yes, I am sure both Newt and Aziraphale will also help," responded Anathema.

Newt and Aziraphale needed in agreement.

Anathema began explaining.

…

As Crowley left the living room, he could feel the worried stares on his back.

He felt guilty for leaving them, even if he did not want to admit it.

When he reached the restroom, he locked the door and made a silencing spell with a snap of his finger so no one would be able hear what would happen here.

He sat down on the white tiles, he got more panicked with the colour, still not being a fan of it, trying his hardest not to cry and break down too much, he bit his bottum lip so hard that he felt blood, in an effort not to cry. he tried to breath in and out. Shaking, he brought his knees up and held them as he began trying to slow his breath down as much as he could. He drew in a shaky and unneeded breath. Repeating the phrase ‘in and out’ to himself. Feeling old memories trying to resurface, fighting to hold them down, he eventually lost and got stuck in memories.

He did not know how long he sat there stuck in memories, before his breathing slowed down, he did not move to get up, still sitting on the white tiles, trying to ignore his newly remembered memories. He finally got up and decided to see how he looked in hope of a distraction.

When he looked in the mirror, a familiar, yet strange face greeted him.

He could see his eyes had changed colour, they were a light and bright green again, he wondered if they would do that posh trick in heaven. His facial features had changed too. Moving a bit, he saw he was not so skinny like a snake anymore, he had also gotten his golden snake back, it laid over his heart just like it did all those years ago.

Looking he also saw he had apparently had a something that looked very much like a white toga on, feeling an embarrassed blush coming, he snapped his fingers and changed his clothes. He made an annoyed over dramatic sigh, his old? New? Powers had other ideas, he now wore a light green shirt, all buttons were closed and black pants and shoes as well, it was too posh for his taste. He looked up at his hair, it was shoulder length again, it was also kind of curly, he decided he should do something about it, he snapped his fingers hoping that it would work this time, giving a small smile due to his victory, his hair had become shorter, it was still curly, his hair looked like it would fall in his face any moment but it did not.

He decided he looked alright, ignoring his new clothes style, sighing he sat down again to think about what he should and how to avoid it…

A thunder came in the near distance, he looked up with a yelp, wondering if it would begin to rain now, he hoped not, rain was a bastard, always comes at bad times, never when you need it.

Oh well, it did not matter at the moment.

Knock, knock.

…

After Anathema had finished explaining to the Them, Aziraphale remembered what he had forgotten earlier, wishing it were not too late. "I-we forgot." He started sounding worried.

"What is wrong?"

"When he fell down here, we could all feel something, and that something was Raphael radiating power, yes?" He continued.

The others nodded, most having a feeling where this was headed.

"We felt it and what if... What if others also felt it and are wondering..." Aziraphale finished.

"So, if I am getting this correctly, then heaven and probably hell as well felt it? Then we are going to get company soon, great, just great," Anathema said as thunder fell outside, another following it.

Knock, knock.

Knock, knock.

"Aren’t we going to answer that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's mostly talk but i promise there will be more action in the next chapter.


	6. Guilt and Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments! They help a lot!  
> I'm glad that i was able to write this chapter.  
> there's one swear word, i'm sure you'll recognize it.

"Aren’t we going to answer that?"

"Well it would be rude not to," Said Aziraphale, standing up, walking over to the door, ready to defend his friends.

"Wait. It is my house; so wouldn’t it be proper if I greeted them at the door?" Anathema asserted as she walked over to Aziraphale, ready to help.

Anathema opened the door and was greeted with not one but two archangels. "Can we come in or do you usually do this stuff outside?" One of them said in polite hurry.

"And what is this business exactly Uriel?" Aziraphale said with a new found courage, looking Uriel in the eye.

Giving a small bit quiet chuckle, she looked at her companion.

"It is nothing personal Aziraphale, we are here due to the ‘power leak.' We have three theories and if it isn’t what we strongly ho-think it is, we will leave you and the demon be and the humans of course," Michael continued, looking at the witch curiously, "Aren’t you Agnes Nutters current descendant?" Michael asked.

Anathema steadied her grip on the door before answering, "Yeah, I am, if-if it bothers you, I think it is time to say goodbye."

Before she had the chance to close the door, Uriel put her hand in front of it so it could not close. ‘’No, it does not, I was simply rather curious about when we would get to meet,’’ Michael said as Uriel blocked the door from closing.

Anathema felt as though, out of all the Archangels she had met and was it not all of them by now? Michael was the calmest and most collected one or she was just very good at keeping everything inside. "Do you know Agnes?" Anathema asked, hoping there would not come any new prophesies on her doorstep.

"Oh yes, I knew her. Things that gets burned often goes to hell." Was the answer.

"Hell?"

"Yes, do not worry, we had a small liberation some years ago." Michael finished with a small glint in her eye before looking serious again, ignoring Anathemas curious gaze.

"This is not a time for conversations, do you have it?" She finished her sentence, annoyance barely concealed at her last word.

"have what?" Aziraphale piped up, back in the conversation again. Already know what or rather who Michael meant.

"do not play dumb Aziraphale, it does not suite you," Uriel said chilly.

Aziraphale was about to return the compliment but was sadly interrupted by Anathema speaking.

"Why don’t you two come inside? We can have a _nice_ and _peaceful_ chat."

They moved aside so the two angels outside could come in, ‘thank you’ they both said as they walked in.

"So?" Adam said as the now four people came in the room.

"Michael and Uriel," Aziraphale introduced.

"Why are you here?" Adam asked them, "is it because RaphMWPH-" Adam proceed to removed Peppers hand from his mouth and continued unaware, "-is here?" As it dawned on him that they might not have told the new occupants in the room about their current guest. He opened his mouth sheepishly, looking at them and said; "Sorry."

Both Uriel and Michael had stiffened, and looked shocked and relieved? At the name, well a part of it. Like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders.

"W-where is he?" Uriel said with the first bit of emotion (other than surprise in Aziraphale’s case.) that both Aziraphale and Anathema had heard.

"What do you want with him?" Adam said quickly, ignoring it was he who accidentally revealed who they were housing at the moment.

Michael looked Adam in the eyes and with visible but hidden emotions, "to talk... And to say hello."

"How do we know we can trust you? And do not use the excuse ‘I am an angel," Aziraphale cautioned silently.

Aziraphale looked both of the archangels in the eyes and was surprised to see honest sincerity, he saw no ill intent towards Raphael. Would they harm him? Why would they want to harm him? He was missing for millennial and thought to be dead and has now suddenly returned and he was their brother, older and younger, he was technically also Aziraphale’s brother just really, really, really distantly related.

"Very well," Aziraphale sighed.

"Wait-wait, Aziraphale are you sure we should?" Anathema said quickly, nodding her head in the direction of the fourth angel not in the room.

Aziraphale looked at Anathema, worried about what will happen if they suddenly went over to Raphael so unexpected in his current state.

"Can you go get him Anathema?" Aziraphale decided, ignoring the annoyed faces from the archangels.

Nodding, Anathema went to go get Raphael, just as Adam said he would help her.

…

Knock, knock.

He didn't answer, ignoring the knocking.

Knock, knock, knock.

"I'm not here," he quietly mumbled into his knees.

It seemed whoever was outside the door had not hear him or just ignroe him.

"Raphael, can you please open up? There are some people here to see you," he heard Anathema say calmly.

He still did not budge.

"Raphael can you open for us? We will not do anything, trust me. It is Adam by the way," Adam said.

He stiffened, wondering if he should unlock the door, he supposed it was a bit rude, it was Anathema’s cottage after all. Feeling a bit sheepish, he stood up, ignoring the momentarily panic, and unlocked the door slowly, peeking out.

"Hi," he slowly said.

"Can we come in?" Adam asked him. Crowley got confused, they just asked a minute ago if _he_ would come out but now, they want to come in, Honestly? He would rather stay here than coming out and greeting whoever was there to meet him, so he simply just shrugged and moved so they could enter.

"You have changed."

"Yes, I have, I didn't want to wear what I wore before," Crowley made a face as he answered.

"So."

"So?"

"Can you come out and say hi?’" Adam asked him.

Crowley looked at him for a moment,. "no."

"No?" Anathema deadpanned.

"Can you please come out and say hi?" Adam repeated, doing puppy eyes.

Almost giving in to Adams puppy eyes, he stubbornly refused, "no, i'm in no mood for meeting new people." He continued, "sorry." He quick added, trying to make himself smaller.

Anathema put a hand on his shoulder but put it away when she saw he flinched and shrank in on himself. "I know you have been through hell and more down there, nothing we will ever know, but we want to help you," Anathema said, trying to look him in the eyes.

He mumbled something.

"what?"

"Oh nothing... nothing."

"Alright. Raphael?"

It took a few moments for Crowley to look up, still not used to being called that after so many years even though it annoyed him, they called him that.

They still did not recognize him, which had annoyed him since he woke up.

He looked over at Anathema, he saw her face full of Sympathy and empathy (what is the difference?), he felt he did not deserve.

"I know you don't want to come out and face your sibling, yes, it is them who has come." Having seen Crowley open his mouth in shock, about to protest, she quickly continued, "but you need to face them some point and from what I have been told. They and most people thought you were dead and not in hell. I know you are scared and really uncomfortable after what happened down there, we all want to help you move forwards, I also know that your siblings probably also want to help you as well.’’ Anathema finished, hoping Raphael would listen to at least something she said.

He looked down, thinking about what Anathema just said.

"Are you sure they will I-I..?" Looking at Anathema like a lost puppy. She nodded. "I don't know what they were like back then... But I'm sure they have changed in the time you haven't seen them."

He made a weak chuckle, "what is it they sometimes say? Never criticize or was it judge? Someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do, they will not be able to hear you from that far away, pluss, you will have their shoes as well.

Both Anathema and Adam laughed at that, Adam more than Anathema. As their laughter subsided, they both went to stand up, having joined Crowley on the floor shortly after he opened the door. He shakily got up a few seconds after them.

"Are you ready?" Adam asked him.

"No. No, not at all," he confessed, he would rather have the white tiles and memories than greet his siblings.

"Don’t worry, I will help you meet them, I'm sure Anathema will too," Adam told him as he took a hold of his hand to give some comfort, when Crowley did not recoil, he began walking out after Anathema had opened the door, Crowley following.

...

Hearing footsteps coming, Michael and Uriel both turned around looking impatient, discontinuing their short talk with Newt and some of the Them.

"Sorry, it took some time. It took a bit getting him to agree to come out, but we did it." Anathema told them, walking out first, and coming after her was Adam, with him was none other than Raphael, peeking out, not in the room fully. Still holding Adams hand for comfort.

"What? Where is he?" Uriel said annoyed, not having seen him yet. Michael put a hand on her shoulder, her other hand resting on her own corporations' heart, "It is you..." Michael started, unsure how to process the shock of seeing her supposed dead brother alive.

Uriel looked over to Michael then the direction she was looking. Gasping out of shock, frozen, unsure what to do other than stare.

Crowley dropped his hands, feeling a familiar panic begin to rise, he felt uncomfortable to say the least, feeling his siblings surprise and shock become stares did not help it and then there was everyone else watching their reunion unfold, probably wondering if it will go south or not, maybe it will, did it matter? No, it didn't matter, it probably will.

They thought he was dead! Not chilling in hell and being on earth mostly, not their ‘innocent’ Raphael. Maybe they thought he had been hiding on earth drinking margaritas all day long instead, or maybe the stars, they all knew he loved the stars a lot. But in his own opinion it would be boring to just stay out in the stars all time and alone

No thank you, he would rather stay on earth.

But what should he say to them? ‘hey Michael! Yeah it is me, yes! I am alive. What? No, no I was simply in hell. Doing hellish stuff, being a demon, great talking to you.’ Yeah, great. He needed to work on his social skills again, being isolated like that earlier made a lot of things difficult, he still had trouble with contact and white walls and floors, he had began spotting emotions and social ques better.

Not knowing if he should start the conversation or wait for them to speak, he decided he should say something and maybe say sorry for not talking sooner. He opened his mouth, ready to speak most of it and say it but ending up doing a simple; "hi" mentally slapping himself for only saying ‘hi,’ he made small hand movements showing his annoyance.

He should leave the room now? feeling panic rise up, he tried to move, but his legs had apparently betrayed him and so had much of his corporation, stupid body, why couldn’t he move? Why couldn’t he move? WHY? It was beginning to make him more.

Michael looked at her brother as he peeked into the room, she could not help but gape at the sight of him standing there and alive even! She had missed him, they all had… She thought he was dead for mother’s sake! Had mourned him, grieved for him, they all had.

She was thankful it was just her and Uriel here. Had Gabriel come, he would have collapsed and went to hug Raphael, saying he was sorry over and over, they had been close. They all had been before the war, all five of them had.

She listened as Raphael spoke a ‘hi’ but was still too shocked to do much other than stare, her stare only increasing when he spoke, she badly wanted to go over and hug him, she knew Uriel did too, she could see all the emotions in her eyes brewing. Looking at Raphael, she saw how he began looking distressed and panic screamed out from his body language.

"Raphael…" She finally got the voice to say, she quickly walked over to him but was stopped by Anathema. Standing straight, she looked Anathema in the eyes angry and challengingly, "am I not allowed to greet my brother?"

"We don’t want you to hurt him," She heard the former antichrist tell her.

"I would never hurt my own brother" She said fiercely, "but excuse me if I wish to greet my own brother," she said as he moved past Anathema and quickly went to hug her younger brother, feeling him tens up at the contact, trying to squirm out of the hug, she cut the hug short, put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him properly for the first time in thousands of years. "Oh Raphael… we thought you were dead…" Michael whispered quiet enough for only Raphael, Anathema and Adam to hear.

As Aziraphale quietly hushed the Them out of the room with Newt, he went back as Uriel slowly walked up to Raphael and Michael, where Anathema and Adam still stood and motioned for them both to get out of the room and let the archangels have their family reunion. Before he could walk out he felt Raphael claps his hand, looking confused at him, he saw Raphael silently begging for him to stay, he did not know why the archangel wanted him to stay. He could never say no to helping someone, but there was something familiar about Raphael but he couldn’t put his finger on it, he needed to ask him later.

"Why is he still here?" Michael asked, narrowing her eyes at Aziraphale, who began to feel very small.

"Michael," he heard Raphael mumble pleadingly to her to let him stay, she looked at him for a moment and nodded.

"Maybe we should all just sit down," Aziraphale said and walked over to the sofa with the three archangels following behind him.

He sat down on the sofa, Raphael sat down right beside him, almost clinging to him like a like a puppy to their mother, he did not know why Raphael did not go sit with his siblings rather than him. He felt honoured, that he did admit. But he could not help but wonder if he or Raphael had met or knew each other before.

Both Michael and Uriel saw Raphael’s silent panic and knew they were causing some, if not most of it, they wanted to approach him and say it was okay, it was all okay, they were all here, but they knew it would only do more harm than good right now, so they each sat in one of the armchairs near the sofa. Uriel looked threateningly at Aziraphale, daring him to betray them.

‘Again’ a little voice in his head told him, he ignored it in favour of continuing the reunion.

"So," He started.

Michael looked at him then looked at Raphael who was looking down, fiddling with his one of his sleeves, "Raphael," Michael softly said, trying to get him to listen.

"Too posh,’’ he mumbled before quickly saying, "yes."

When Michael looked him in the eyes, he quickly looked anywhere else than her and basically everyone else, but he had stopped fiddling with, in his own opinion ‘too posh’ shirt sleeve.

"Sorry," she heard him mumble, she silently wished she could go and hug him but stayed. "Raphael… YOU have nothing to be sorry for, it is us who is sorry, I am sorry… If I had looked out for you more than just thinking about fighting the war and pleasing mother, maybe everything would not have gone so... So wrong, maybe we still could have been together..." Michael rambled on, stopping when she heard him whisper something.

"Would Lucifer still be here then? With us I mean?" He silently whispered, looking up before quickly looking down again

Michael did not know what to say, on one hand she wanted to say no, saying Lucifer was fare too gone and did not matter anymore, but on the other, _right_ hand, she knew there was a sky high chance Lucifer would have stopped his rebellion. She remembered how Raphael wished for them to stop and would often sneak around and communicate with each side and try to do peace treaty’s, it got them both talking and reconnecting somehow but after his supposed death, it all went to hell, they blamed each other for his ‘killing/murder.’ Before she got a chance at answering Uriel spoke up after having remained silent.

"we-I do not know Raphael, he was angry at the end, not just at your... But at God as well." Uriel told him.

"Screw God! He had the right to be, we were told of humanity’s creation so suddenly and when, when they would be there, we were to bow down to her new favourite creation, it felt as if we were left rot in the corner. _The new favourite_." He snapped. "Are we just toys to you? Play things to discarded, when you grow bored, only to pick us up when something does happen! Well I refuse, I will not play a part then! I never asked to be brought back, not like this!" Crowley continued before he shakily stood up and left to go to for a walk. Maybe he could go to the garden afterwards, he needed to do some stuff there anyway, he could not help but feel guilty for leaving Aziraphale with the archangels, his siblings...

"What just happened," Michael blurted out after she heard a door close.

"H-he left," Aziraphale told her, feeling a strong sense déjà vu.

‘’I saw that but why?’’

"We upset him Michael," Uriel says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, which kind of was.

"why?"’

"I think God has become an awkward subject to him after what happened to him in hell," Aziraphale said.

Michael looked him dead in the eyes, "in hell?" She repeated.

FUCK, he never meant to say it, it was Raphael’s own thing to say. As Michaels gaze on him only intensified, he knew he was screwed to say the least, they wanted to know what he meant with hell and he knew they knew it was not something pleasant.

They would interrogate him for the few answers he held, he felt bad for Raphael, with what they would do to him when he comes back...

Someone had walked in, he did not know who it was since he was facing the other way, "Do you guys know why Raphael left a while ago? He seemed a bit shaken. He has not come back yet."

A while ago

A while ago...

Not again, just like last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized my name is kinda suspicious when you look at it and then the story.


	7. Up and down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooohoooo! I just got my summer break today! What does that mean? I should be able to write some more.  
> Thanks to KilgarraghForever for helping me with editing the chapters and helping me see my grammar mistakes and hopefully make it better!  
> Thanks for the kudos and all the lovely comments!  
> Happy summer break!

Crowley was mad, he needed to get out and here he was.

Outside.

Avoiding the origin of his anger and trying to fight of yet another panick attack.

He was not sure where he should go so he decided he would just walk around and see where that would take him. He looked back at the cottage, checking to see if there was anyone following him. There wasn’t.

He looked back, on the side, parked, was his Bentley, HIS Bentley. He had missed his Bentley.

He walked over, checking for scrapes and dirt. There better not be anything... He didn't want his Bentley to have any damage, not while...

_He had gotten some._

When he had finished checking the Bentley for any scrapes, dirt and damage, he admired his Bentley for a few seconds, happy that nothing had happened to it while he was gone.

He decided to walk around, still not having an idea where he should go specifically. Maybe he could go over to the forest and take a walk there. Nature always calmed him.

He had completely forgotten how it looked. It almost made him cry, all the different colours, blue, green, red and so many more.

He wouldn't cry, not here, not ever.

Gosh, he had missed colours ever since... It should not matter now; it does not matter now. Does it? He had gotten over it, no matter how quick ago it was.

Walking around, he continued to observe everything: the houses, plants such as trees, flowers and even grass, the small driveways... Sometimes Crowley could not understand why most angels and demons hated humanity.

Sure, they can be destructive, cruel and heartless, war shows that, but they can also be kind, accepting and so, so creative. They were such a creative lot, designing and creating the pyramids, the Eiffel tower, Rosenborg and so much more.

It had been exciting to see it all being built. Well, he did not see it all being built personally, but he had seen some of it.

Often, you do not realize history is happening in this very moment, even with yourself there, witnessing it.

Continuing to walk, he kept looking around, like a five-year-old seeing their gift for the first time, wondering what it could be.

He heard someone yell at him, but he ignored it in favour of inspecting some flowers for a moment.

As the second yell came, he turned around, annoyed by the incessant shouting in his direction.

Oh! It was that old grump he had met last time he was walking. Adam had told him a bit about him. He was apparently a Mr. Grumpy, also the Neighbourhoods watcher or something, and not a fan of sharing apples. He was not sure why he got that specific detail.

"You, again? Here to cause more disturbances around the neighbourhood, eh?" He said

"Yes, _me_ again and no, why would I do that?” Crowley answered dumbfounded. Of all the people who would have recognized Crowley, he never expected it to be this old grump of all people. He just wanted to continue his little walk right now.

"Wel-" The man froze as Crowley waved his hand. He proceeded to turn around, with his dog following behind him. He began walking down the road, completely forgetting the conversation he had been having only moments ago.

Crowley sighed, still irritated that Grump had recognized him. Why had Aziraphale not recognized him? Or any of the others for that matter? He had tried to tell them, when he did, someone had interrupted him or other stuff was happening.

He wondered what his siblings would think. What about Michael? She had taken holy water down to hell so they could kill him! Her feeling guilty made him feel guilty. He had to tell them soon, he knew that...

Their little Raphael was not the same anymore, his flame burned out, only a little spark remained. It may have started burning again, but it was not and will never ever be the same fire, the old one was gone.

Too much has happened since then. Why does everything have to be so complicated now? Why can’t it be like before?

It has to be like this now, whether we want it to or not, for without the past we would never have gotten the now.

He mildly wondered about when he had gotten so philosophical.

Crowley looked up. He had almost reached the forest now. He wondered if he should continue, he could take a walk there and look at the forest, seeing as he had not done that yet.

He began humming an old tune as he continued his walk into the forest. He looked at the different trees, his eyes tracing the groves of the bark. He could not help his curiosity, even back then. He had not been there for that specific creation, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him back then when he had first seen a tree. He smiled at the happy memory.

He had always been so curious, even now, he just doesn't act on it as much, but is still there.

*SNAP/CRACK*

He stopped as he felt panic begin to rise up.

He looked around as he listened furiously, trying to figure out if someone was following him, despite the fact he had not felt anyone present earlier.

Had they just appeared?

Or were his powers just that _bad_ right now?

He reached out with his powers, searching. There weren’t any human presences, but what about occult or-

*SNAP/CRACK*

He whipped around, scrutinizing at the area the sound came from.

"Is someone there?" he called out cautiously.

"No! Go away human," an irritated voice replied. .

"What?" he said, annoyed that he still could not figure who was out there.

What happened to his supposedly great powers?

He heard more shuffling and whispers.

“Shut it.”

“What? I am trying to get him to leave, since we are not allowed to kill any human here. Orders, remember?”

“Yes, yes, I was there when the dark lord gave them to us.”

“Besides, Hastur, that is not a human. Maybe it is him? That power source could have come from him?"

“How do you know he is not a human? He smells of them... Wait! You are right, he does spell a bit funny. Angel? Demon? And something else..."

“Come on then, let’s take him. We need to be quick, He might have overheard us by now."

Crowley wondered why he had not run while he still had the chance to, but here he was, listening to their little whispered conversation about him. When he heard one of the whisperers was Hastur, he froze, and the ‘let’s take him’ did not make it better at all. He really did not want to go back to hell.

He could already see it, him getting tortured again all over, more pain and, and- He really did not want to go back down there, never again! No thanks, not after that.

Maybe they would recognize him and tortured him for still being alive or maybe make him fall all over again.

He still could not see Hastur and whoever was with him. He tried to move but his legs were frozen. Why this again? Why now? Why? _Why? **WHY?**_

He was screwed.

That much he knew.

He really did not want to go to hell again, at least not yet.

Oh, the other demon was Dagon, of course it was her. If it wasn’t Beelzebub, it was her.

 _This is happening too often for me_ , he thought before everything went black and two figures walked up to him.

…........

After Uriel and Michael had interrogated Aziraphale for the answers he knew, she was shocked that Raphael had been in hell the entire time! But why? How did he end up there? He had died... Everyone felt it but, but apparently, he did not die, somehow.

Not only had he been in hell, Aziraphale had told them that he was apparently showed signs of torture! She had never thought that Lucifer would go so low as to torture his own sibling! A demon once in a while? Probably, it was hell after all. But Raphael? No! She saw how angry and grief stricken he was when it all happened, maybe he did not know he was there... Right?

He would have known, he was after all the ruler there, but... But? She sighed.

“Did Raphael say anything about Lucifer? Did he know?" she asked Aziraphale.

He shook his head. “No, the only time he spoke about Lucifer was when you were here."

She did not know what to think. Lucifer really was gone, wasn’t he? She had always hoped there was some part of her younger brother left but she was wrong… God was right to cast him and the others out.

They needed to go down to hell, she had few things she needed to discuss with Lucifer. No. She was going to kill him for hurting Raphael. No matter how much she loved him, she would not let him hurt anyone else, not after that.

Uriel looked at Michael as she processed the new information. She saw how Michael’s facial expression changed from blank to sad, angry, hurt to wrathful in tree full seconds. Oh no, she knew that expression all too well - no good rarely came with it.

“Michael, think before you do something you will regret later," Uriel tried. She knew there was no discussing this with Michael. She was stubborn and when she set her mind on something, she was going to do that something, no matter what.

Michael looked at her. “I am fine Uriel."

“You do not look fine to me."

“I am fine, I assure you," she repeated.

Uriel sighed, there was no reasoning with her.

“I will kill him."

“Who?"

“Lucifer! He dared to hurt Raphael! I will make him pay no matter what."

“You cannot just kill Satan. What about all the demons, they will go crazy if you do," Aziraphale reasoned, scared that Michael might really kill Lucifer.

"Well, I don’t care about the demons. We will kill them too if they do anything."

"Michael! What about Raphael? He would not have you kill Lucifer, I do not think he even knew about him! Raphael would rather have Lucifer return with you alive, not dead. Michael, please!" Aziraphale tried again.

"Wait, hang on. Where is Raphael anyway? Wouldn’t he have returned by now?"

Someone had walked in, he did not know who it was since he was facing the other way. “Do you guys know why Raphael left a while ago? He seemed a bit shaken. He has not come back yet."

A while ago

A while ago...

Not again, just like last time.

“Not again," Aziraphale mumbled. “What is the time?" He asked Anathema, who had walked in asking.

“You mean, ‘how long were they interrogating you?” she confirmed. “A little over an hour since their interrogation began," she continued. She mouthed a quick ‘was it bad?’

He nodded with a small shrug.

“We should go find him. And what do you mean with ‘not again?" Uriel asked.

“I don’t know." Aziraphale answered.

“I can’t feel his presence on Earth anymore."

Both heads turned to Michael.

“Are you sure?"

“Yes, try yourself if you do not believe me."

“Oh dear. We must find him!" Aziraphale fretted. “We must get the others."

“No, no, if he is not on Earth what makes you think they can help find him?” Uriel told him.

………

Crowley woke up dizzy. He was not fully awake yet but he stubbornly tried to take in his surroundings. When he finally saw something, it was chains and bars. He was awake, really, really awake now. He looked around, hoping he could escape but he knew he could not. Just like last time...

He needed to get out now, he really, really needed to get out again. He swore he would be a good little archangel and do what people tell him to do, he swore he would even obey, just get him out of here!

Please.

He was not ready to face his not-so-far-away past.

He could distantly feel his breath getting shorter and quicker.

Couldn’t they just let him go now? He had done nothing to them! Well, okay, that was a lie…

Screw that, he had not done anything major to them! Okay, he had aided stopping Armageddon but still. Nothing that could not be forgiven, eh?

A loud bang woke him from his panicked thoughts. He looked up, surprised at whoever made the noise.

Be you, be badass, Crowley thought to himself, swallowing his panick and trying to calm his breathing.

"You awake yet?" the person who made the noise asked him.

"No, I am not," he mumbled sarcastically. "Hastur?" he said surprised, he looked up at Hastur who looked confused down at him.

"Do I know you Leaky?" Hastur sneered at him.

"Leaky?" He continued, trying to look unaffected. "Why do you call me Leaky, Hastur? Do I look like a Leaky to you? I thought you would have called me the usual Cr- "

"Hastur!" buzzed the person who had rudely interrupted him.

He looked over. Oh! It was Beelzebub, like always.

"What?" Hastur said quickly.

"He izz ready to see ‘Leaky’ as you called him," Beelzebub said impatiently.

"Creative name, I know," Hastur smirked proudly as Beelzebub rolled zer eyes.

"Get up," Hastur ordered.

Crowley looked up at him, he gave what you could call a ‘are you serious’ expression and moved his chained hands a bit.

"How can I get up when I’m still chained to the wall?" he asked tauntingly.

"There are no chains you idiot," Hastur rolled his eyes as the chains suddenly recoiled away from his arms and legs to wherever they were before.

"Not anymore I s’pose," he muttered as he stood up, before stretching a bit to annoy his captors.

Hastur walked up to him and took a hold of his arm, abruptly. He stopped his stretching and flinched at the forceful contact, he looked down at it, scared, before he quickly tried to mask his fear and began walking with a rough yank from Hastur. "Hey! What was that for?"

"You were too slow," Hastur grumbled, ignoring Crowley’s pulling.

"Hazztur, we juzzt need to get him to the dark lord, nothing more, no hurting him. I told you, he izz more interezzted in thizz than collecting soulzz." "And I think thizz might alzzo be perzzonal interezzt," ze whispered the last part.

"I know, I know, you have told me already, I just want to make sure Leaky here gets where he is supposed to be. Don’t want him running around."

They kept walking. Crowley looked anxiously around, wishing Hastur did not forcefully pull him somewhere so he could get away and not meet whom he assumed to be Lucifer. Why did he think it was Lucifer? Beelzebub rarely whispered information like that.

He looked around, trying to look more pulled together, he straightened up and looked at Hastur.

"You know, I can walk for myself, right?" He suddenly quipped.

Hastur looked at him and squinted his eyes at him, his black eyes staring intensely at him as he answered, "I do not care. You can have the honor of walking inside the room when we get there."

"Well- "

"SILENCEZ!" Beelzebub shouted at them both. “Both of you be quiet! Neither of you got anything uzeful to say, ezpecially you ‘Leaky.’ I know you have been in hell before, I can zzmel it on you, you have a ztrong zpirit, but here? You have nothing."

"But yet, I don’t recognizze you. I prezume it wazz torture, right?" ze asked and looked down on him as he looked away, paling at the mention.

"Zo, you were! But when, it must be resentful, but yet you know hell and its corridors and recognizze some of it by the look of it, been here before? But when? I have never seen you down here... I recognizze you... Can it be?" Ze continued, looking shocked as it dawned on her who he was.

Who ze was thinking about was what made Crowley annoyed and curious at the same time.

"What? Who? What do you mean?" Hastur asked, looking suspiciously at Crowley, trying to see what Beelzebub was seeing.

Ze looked shocked at ‘Leaky,’ the nickname Hastur had given him but ze knew Leaky was not called Leaky at all, if she was right, they were dealing with something bad, really bad and the dark lord, her friend, would be mad, utterly furious, people always talk about heavenly or holy wrath but they always forget the hellish kind and if Satan is mad, you know it, and he will definitely be about this.

Ze did not understand how ze hadn’t recognized him earlier, but ze had now, it was Raphael, at least ze was pretty sure it was him. He had also apparently been in hell from what she had gathered so far, it was not a lot, but it was enough for her to recognize the signs, Raphael had been through torture. What kinds, ze had some theories…

Ze looked around, some demons had begun staring at them, gathering them more unwanted and unneeded attention. "Nothing to see, keep moving everybody, back to work!" Ze yelled at the starring demons and motioned for them to keep moving. Ze sighed and shook her head and continued walking, ignoring Hastur’s questions.

As they neared the dark lords throne room, ze stopped Hastur, who shot zer a curious gaze.

Raphael’s look ze couldn’t decipher.

"Hastur. I will take it from here, you may go back to my office," ze told him.

"But what about- "

"I will tell you later, now go!" Ze interrupted him.

Ze turned to Raphael as Hastur shuffles away, "Raphael," ze said quietly and looked at him, Raphael slowly looked up at zer, ze realized he looked worried and scared, it should not bother ze but… It strangely did, ze should be happy he was but ze wasnt…

Ze still remembered most of her time before the fall, ze had met Raphael many times, even trained under him as a virtue, he even introduced zer to Gabriel but that was before.

Ze was furious when ze had felt it, ze was beside Lucifer trying to persuade a few powers, they had all stopped dead silent, but that was then, his death only encouraged Lucifer fighting…

"You- your alive."

Raphael looked at zer and scoffed, "pretty much, surprise, I know…"

Ze was a little confused about his answer but let it go for now.

"When the doorz open, we will both get in, I will stay there as Sa-Lucifer’s right-hand, I will try to explain it to him, but you need to give your statement, alright? Good," ze quickly said as the doors slowly opened.

They both looked inside, Beelzebub, a little nervous and Crowley fucking scared about what might happen, he knew it could and would go wrong, he just wanted to go back to earth again, maybe get some creps with Aziraphale.

"Come in."

They both walked in as the doors closed after them, a weak tension in the air.

"Beelzebub, I presume you have found the ‘leak’?" Lucifer asked.

"Yez," ze answered shortly.

"Good, let me see who or wha- " Lucifer abruptly froze when he saw who was beside Beelzebub.


	8. You really need to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry!!! I had originally planned to have the chapter finished almost two weeks ago but i had gotten so busy with 'family bonding time' all weeks and when i did have time i was too exhausted or wasn't sure what to write. I didn't want to give you guys a chapter where most parts would be bad and skipped over. But i finally got it finished! Thanks to KilgarraghForever for editing my terrible writing and making it understandable.  
> Thanks for the kudos and all the comments they really help me and makes me more motivated.

_"Good, let me see who or wha- " Lucifer abruptly froze when he saw who was beside Beelzebub._

Crowley and Beelzebub stood awkwardly, waiting for Lucifer to say something or for something to happen, but nothing did for at least three minutes.

"Is this some sort of joke? How dare you bring this shape shifting monster down here! Let alone let it take the form of _him_ ," Lucifer sneered and stormed towards them, shooting daggers with his red eyes. It would have looked even more threatening if Lucifer was not in his human form but, thankfully, he was.

In Crowley’s panic, his mind could only register five things.

One: Big brother is back.

Two: He is mad, _really_ mad.

Three: He should not have left earlier.

Four: He should hide. Like now.

Five: _Please don’t._

He quickly ran behind Beelzebub as Lucifer speed walked towards them. He knew it probably would not do much but, hey…

Beelzebub put her hands up in a calming gesture and quickly motioned for Lucifer to take it easy.

Lucifer stopped two feet away, still glaring daggers, his eyes glowing with fury and something that resembled guilt.

"He iz not a zhapezifter," Beelzebub quickly buzzed. "He iz real, I checked. Truzzt me."

Lucifer looked suspiciously from Beelzebub to whom ze claimed was not a shapeshifter, but, in fact, Raphael. He wanted to believe zer, he really did. But somehow, he could not. Lucifer was not sure why; maybe it was guilt, his subconsciousness nagging him, saying it was his fault, that he should have protected Raphael more, so he would not have died… But here he is again, alive. Supposedly.

Someone quietly said his name, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked at the red-headed figure behind his second in command. He really looked at him, not letting his anger get the better of him this time.

Red eyes locked onto green eyes. Lucifer recognized them! Those eyes, they were filled with recognition, panick and fear…

His brother was scared… of him.

He was immediately crushed with immense guilt. Lucifer was not sure what to do, seeing as it had been awhile since he last comforted someone. It wasn’t in the job description, really.

He began to walk a little closer to the other two, but noticed Raphael trying to make himself appear smaller behind Beelzebub and stopped.

He stood and stared at his brother, debating what he should do next.

"Step aside Beelzebub," he said calmly, his voice cracking a little.

Ze stepped aside, but Raphael did not move to follow. Ze looked over to him, but he still stood behind where ze stood a second ago.

Lucifer paused, unsure what to do next. He wondered if Raphael thought he would hurt him, since he looked at him with _that_ look. A worried, scared look. A look you often would receive from someone who just survived having been tortured or kidnapped for a long time. Had he been tortured? Where? In Hell? If so, he would personally kill whoever did it, but what if it were on Earth? He had sent two demons up earlier to search for whoever had radiated a lot of power in one go. He was very curious about who it was; he thought it might have been a seraph or something. He had silently hoped it had been one of his siblings, who had fallen, then he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore! But he knew it was unfair making them fall and feel the immeasurable pain that comes with it.

But out of all his thoughts and silent hopes, he never ever, thought it would be him. He had hoped, of course, that his little brother would be alive somehow and here he was! But why couldn’t he accept it? Why couldn’t he be happy about it?

They say demons do not feel love, only hate and that was how they fell, in hate. But people forget. They fell because of love, the love that they had felt was denied to them.

"Raphael..." Lucifer finally mustered courage to say, after what had felt like an eternity, but what was probably just a few minutes at most.

Raphael did not answer. He didn't even raise his head and look at him. Which did not hurt him at all. Nope.

"Raphael," he said louder, Raphael flinched at the loud sound.

Was he shaking...?

Maybe...

He walked closer.

Lucifer slowly reached his hand out to Raphael. He was not sure why he did it, or what he should do with it, but he held it out anyway.

Lucifer stopped above Raphael’s shoulder, his hand hovering slightly above it before he put his hand down onto his little brother for the first time in eons.

Raphael looked down at the hand before sharply inhaling, choking down a sob. He promptly collapsed as more sobs came out; his sobbing quickly began turning into full-blown tears.

Lucifer suddenly felt his legs buckle under him, falling quickly after Raphael. Both of them were on the ground. One crying from years of repressed emotions and the other stressing, close to doing the same.

Lucifer quickly dragged himself towards Raphael and engulfed him in a hug, quietly drawing circles on his back.

Beelzebub looked at Lucifer and Raphael, ze began feeling strangely uncomfortable. ze knew this was a private moment. One ze was not a part of.

Ze quietly began to slip away. When ze reached the door, ze opened it enough for zer to fit through.

Lucifer had not done this in a long time. Comforting, like he was doing right now. He was worried about Raphael. Was he doing it wrong? He wasn’t sure, but he felt what he was doing was right since Raphael was slowly calming down.

He silently whispered soothing words in an ancient language: one almost forgotten to time.

His dear brother... Alive, was with him, but how? He was supposed to be dead. Did it matter that he supposidly was? No, it did not, Lucifer decided silently to stop thinking about the fact so much and accept that he wasn't.

Lucifer was so happy his little brother was alive after all these millennia. He quietly promised himself he would protect Raphael, no matter what.

He was not going to let his brother disappear again.

"I'm so sorry," He heard Raphael cry. Tightening his grip out of guilt.

Lucifer straightened himself a bit and placed both his hands on Raphael’s cheeks, making him look up into his own eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me? I mean it. If someone has to be sorry, it will be me. I-I should not have left you alone when…" Lucifer choked down a sob, tears beginning to run down his face.

"No! No… I-it was me, I am to blame here, not you. I was running around doing stupid, bad stuff. Ha… You know, in the end, I kind of was asking for it… Just not like that," He shivered as he voiced the last part. More tears began to form.

"How did… How did you really die? You-you are here now, alive." Lucifer questioned, wanting to know more about the last part, but letting it go for now.

Crowley tensed at the question.

How could you explain it? Oh, well, I was scooting about, back, and forth, until I saw it and tried to stop it, buttttttttttt, of course it would not be that easy.

He decided to avoid the subject and therefore change it.

"Trust me. You have nothing to be sorry for, Lu. "

"I did trust you and I still do. But what about when... You promised me you would not..."

…..... Flashback -

_"We should go and begin before well, you know," Samael tried after a comfortable silence._

_Nodding, Raphael agreed, motioning for Samael to follow him. After Samael had placed the feather somewhere he could get it afterwards, Raphael realized he did not know the way. He chuckled, finding amusement in it._

_"What is it?" Samael asked, curious as to why he chuckled._

_"Well I-I motioned for you to follow so we could go but I just realized I did not know the way and yet I began moving away," he said between small laughs._

_Samael looked at him, a smile slowly showing on his face. "Oh Raph, I cannot avoid loving your humour. What would we do without you?" Samael said as he began flying away with Raphael following behind, then flying up beside him._

_"Probably something else. Really, just do not, do not get so sad if something ever happened… Do not worry, nothing is going to happen, nothing will, trust me," he babbled._

**…..........**

Crowley tensed again.

How could Lucifer still remember that so well? And for him to have remembered his words and kept them in heart. Crowley knew angels and demons remember almost everything that has happened to them. But he never thought about what he said would have made such an impact on Lucifer.

_‘Trust me.’_

He broke that trust... With his ‘death.’ He was not even aware that he had apparently died back then, strangely. Sa-Go-Someone, he just had to go through the garden back then! Why couldn’t he just take his normal route like usual... Oh, wait he couldn’t. Why? **The War**. He did not want to be caught in another battle and be forced to fight again.

Crowley opened his mouth, willing the words to come out but none came.

"I- I... Forgive me, I'm sorry..." he guiltily croaked out, after having gained control of his voice again. Crowley hugged Lucifer tighter.

After both brothers had stopped crying and gained some control over their composure, they stopped their tight hug.

"We are a mess," he croaked, beginning to stand up.

Lucifer chuckled, standing up as well. "That we are… You know, losing you was like losing someone you can't replace, no matter how hard you try. It just wouldn’t be right."

"You know, I still have your feather, the one you gave me. I have been keeping it on me since," he mentioned. Lucifer stiffened, knowing he probably should ask the question of the century, but unable to help himself.

"I can see you don’t like talking about it but, I have to ask. How did you die, but not actually die back then? Did something else happen?" he continued, uneasy curiosity in his voice.

Crowley got confused as to why Lucifer stiffened, looking like he was having an inner debate. But when Lucifer asked about _that_ , he knew he had to give an explanation. He owed Lucifer and the others that at least.

"Well, uh, I actually wasn’t aware that I ‘died’ and did not feel anything, but you are right about something else happening.” Ha… WAIT-!

"I-I did die actually but not back then. I did not so long ago, not even twenty-four hours ago, actually really die! You signed my death certificate! Oh yes, thanks for the torture trip, great refresher." Crowley pointed an accusing finger at Lucifer, who looked utterly confused. Not caring nor realizing the meaning with what he said. At least not before Lucifer uttered his demonic name did he stiffen, and think.

"Crowley? He died not long ago either as well, and he also had torture…" Lucifer looked up at him as it suddenly clicked for him. "Crowley?? You are Crowley!?"

Well that is one way to break the news…

"I-I, shit, you got tortured! I got you killed as well. I am so sorry!! I even recognized you, well kind of, Raph. I will still call you Raphael: I don’t care if you used to be a demon."

Lucifer looked guiltily at Raphael/Crowley, knowing he actually killed his brother and not some random demon, and the torture! He made him go through white torture, Hell-style, for, he actually had no idea how long! Time in hell was confusing for even him at times. Immense guilt consumed him. He was sure he would have screamed right there and then had Raphael not hugged him, saying he forgave him and knew he did not know it was really him.

A loud bang came from the doors to the throne room, three more followed until the doors finally flew from its hinges, dramatically skidding across the floor in a burst of light.

Dust flew around the room, weakly hiding whoever forced the doors open.

A figure stepped into the room. It was Michael, in all her glory and heavenly wrath. She stepped in the room. The infamous lance on her back, and her famous flaming sword in hand. Behind her came both Uriel and Aziraphale, with flaming swords in hand.

Both Crowley and Lucifer immediately backed up, both knowing that you do not mess with Michael when she is mad. They were not suicidal, thank you very much.

Neither of the two made any implication they would try to fight. At least not yet, having both Michael and Lucifer in the same room was the same as having a time ticking bomb waiting to explode.

They had both backed up at the same time, not realizing where exactly until they backed sideways into each other.

They made eye contact, neither sure what to do while the others stood there all threatening with flaming swords.

Lucifer decided to speak, best let him handle it.

"Michael, what brings you down to Hell? All the way down to the scum?" Lucifer purred, taking on a sarcastic manner.

Raphael stiffened.

"Be quiet! You know exactly why Satan," Michael hissed at him.

"First off. No, I don’t. Second, it's Lucifer, not Satan. At least not for you. Third, for all I know you could have come down to apologize, or maybe it is another one of your ‘secret’ liberations."

Michael looked surprised for a second before she quickly hid it. "And how would you know?"

Lucifer smugly raised an eyebrow before answering, "I am not stupid, you know."

She rolled her eyes.

"Enough of this chat. Hand him back now, we do not want any more trouble. We have already made the demons in the hall flee; they can’t help you."

"Trouble?? Ha! You have already caused trouble just by coming down here. And no, I will not just hand him over. He is not a toy to be passed back and forth," Lucifer sneered back at Michael.

Both still ignoring everyone else in the room.

"How dare you!" Michael walked forward, a threatening expression in her eyes.

Lucifer began walking forward as well, a dangerous expression in his eyes.

In three seconds Crowley managed to realize Michael and Lucifer still had immense trouble being in the same room. And he knew he had to try and stop both of them from at least tearing Hell apart. He may not like the place very much, but he knew it was not fair to let them destroy it in their petty fighting.

So, he did the only thing he thought of and that was running right in the middle of their fight _again_ , before it really could become one.

"STOP!" He shouted, wishing he would not be a victim of yet another stabbing or murder. Crowley was done with dying, thank you very much.

Both Michael and Lucifer’s swords were too close to him for his liking. When did Lucifer materialize his sword? Doesn’t matter.

"Please," he quietly whispered.

"Raphael, what are you doing? Get away from him!" Michael ordered.

He tensed a bit from the yell but did not back down. But moved over beside Lucifer, acting as a shield, albeit a weak one but he tried.

"No, no! Stop please, don’t kill him!" Crowley protested, giving Michael his biggest puppy eyes.

Michael looked torn between continuing trying to get Lucifer or backing down.

Lucifer glared smugly at her, daring her to continue fighting. It did not go unseen by Crowley.

"You, Lucifer, don't kill her either."

Lucifer looked ready to pout as Michael stepped down with a sigh.

"Fine. I am doing this for you Raphael. It is okay to stand down," Michael proclaimed. "Stand down, Uriel," Michael repeated after Uriel didn’t lower her sword.

"What now?" she asked, looking at Raphael.

"Well uhh, can we talk? Finally, talk, a real talk? All of us? No fighting or harming allowed. Yes, even words can do harm, they hurt more than you’d think," he slowly said.

The others looked at him shocked and surprised. Aziraphale acted and failed to look like he fully understood what he meant by ‘talk’. Talking for them was like swallowing thallium. But really? Had they never just thought about talking it out instead of fighting? Never?

They really were lost without him.

Why were they all looking insulted all of a sudden? Oh. He said the last part out loud, didn’t he?

"Did I..?"

Nods were his answer.

Mouthing a quick sorry he continued slightly embarrassed.

"Right... Um, let’s go back to Earth, you probably already know where."

…..

-Earth, England, Tadfield.

Walking.

That is what they were doing right now. They had appeared somewhere in the forest and just began walking somewhere they did not know. Crowley and Aziraphale did, but the others did not need to know where they were heading, especially Lucifer - he would probably head straight back to Hell if he knew.

When they had reached the outskirts of the forest, Crowley broke the silence, which had fallen back in Hell, just before they left for Earth.

"You do realize we have to get Gabriel down here as well or else this won’t be a ‘talk, right?" he slowly said. 

The archangels stiffened, they knew and remembered how close Crowley and Gabriel were.

"Might I chip in, Raphael? Were you two close?" Aziraphale asked him, having been walking beside him since Crowley did not leave his side, which Aziraphale probably found strange but he didn’t comment on it.

Crowley nodded.

"Ah, you know, I hope you find him... Sorry to admit it but he was kind of rude, I suppose he was really hiding it."

"What about about Azrael?" 

"Don't worry, he and i already had a talk."

Uriel and Michael looked smugly at each other then back at Raphael and Aziraphale. Michael nodded and Uriel began walking up to them. Lucifer looked curiously at her.

"Raphael?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don’t we go and get Gabriel now?" She said, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Wait- now? Uriel no-" His words were cut off as Uriel teleported them both into Heaven to find Gabriel. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are doing well despite how shitty it all seems. I wish you guys the best! And hope you enjoy summer! Despite all the rain. I can't be the only one who has so much rain?
> 
> Gabriel? Gabriel... Heavens very own mailman is soon joining our crazy reunion, anyone excited to see the archangel fucking Gabriel?  
> Gosh i frickin' love references, don't you?


	9. Old friends and their classic habit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for uploading so late! Life really hasn't been kind to me these few weeks. I have been with family none stop, and then when i finally got time, i sadly lost a good friend of mine, which made me pretty depressed. But to top that, old and new medical issues come forward so you could guess it has been tiring and depressing especially with school fully back in business again.  
> I'm going on vacation next week so i won't be able to write.

_"Why don’t we go and get Gabriel now?" she said, placing her hand on his shoulder._

_"Wait- now? Uriel, no-" His words were cut off as Uriel teleported them both into Heaven to find Gabriel. What could go wrong?_

"Uriel! What are you doing? Let me go! This isn’t funny and you know it!" Crowley said quickly as they appeared in Heaven's _white_ and boring halls. 

"I realise _you_ don’t, but I still think it is," Uriel smugly replied. "Well I have some quick business to attend to before we go find Gabriel. I'll see you after. Give me a few minutes," she continued and waltzed off, leaving Crowley alone, with no idea of where anything was. 

"You do realize I don’t know where anything is, right?" Crowley yelled after her. "Fine! I'll just wait here until you are done with whatever it is..." He mumbled, annoyed. 

He looked around, already feeling boredom seeping in. Shuffling his feet, he looked up and made a dramatic sigh. "What should I do? What should I do?" He repeated to himself, still waiting. 

"Right, this is too boring. I feel ancient when I'm bored - more than I already am," he told himself, and started to walk towards the large windows. It was the only interesting thing around he could see, other than the huge white hallway with even more windows. White? 

He stopped in front of it, he slowly looked back. He just realized how much white there actually was. It made him feel like he was back in that room again, always desperate for something other than silence and loneliness. There was so much white, it was making him anxious. 

He had to leave; it was driving him insane, the level of panic was becoming sffocating, leaving him feeling unable to breath, he felt dizzy- a lumb formed in his throat, his knees feeling weaker than they were a second ago.

All the white. Where are all the colours? Blue? Green? Red? He needed something but he wouldn't find it.

Everything was so quiet, he felt suffocated in the silence he heard. It was like time had stopped ticking away.

It felt as if the whole room was becoming smaller, shrinking in on him, suffocating him. It was all becoming too much, too quiet. He collapsed against the window, fighting to calm his erratic breathing, forgetting he didn’t need to breathe in the first place. 

He needed something to anchor himself with. But he was alone, no one was around again. Had they abandoned him again? Had Uriel taken him here just to leave him again? If so, then why? Had he not been through enough already? I wasn't fair...

"Come on, you can do it," he encouraged himself after feeling himsself going down a path he would regret. And managed to turn his head away from the shrinking room and look out the window. He looked at his reflection before quickly changing his focus. 

Outside the window he could see the Eiffel Tower, the Great Pyramid of Giza, and King Arthur’s Castle. Each not looking a day older than when they were built. 

Crowley looked at the different buildings, taking in all of their details with admiration. He had to give it to the humans, they really did know how to build monumental things. 

Most of the time. 

After having finally calmed down enough for the room not to shrink anymore and his panic not to swallow him, he finally looked around at Heaven. 

Internally calming himself again. 

It was kind of dull where he was, really. 

There were just plain white floors, hallways and posts, and roofs with what looked like clouds attached. They were the only interesting thing there. 

Hallways. Maybe they had something in them. 

He looked at a few hallways, scanning them, hoping to see another person or simply anything. 

It was all still too white. 

Changing direction, he saw a long greenish shadow stretching on the ground weakly. 

He stood up, quickly brushing his clothes for no real reason. 

He walked over to the hallway where he saw the shadow resting, growing larger as he got closer. 

He looked down inspecting it, before looking up and gaping at the sight before him. 

Outside the tall hallway windows was a giant green garden filled with trees, bushes, many different flowers, and a river. It looked slightly like a jungle. In the supposed jungle, there weren’t any animals. 

He walked closer to the window, almost pushing himself against the glass to get a closer look. 

He stiffened when he heard someone behind him. 

"Hello! Excuse me! I know the Virtues are not allowed breaks at this hour! So I tell you as the right hand of the current _' leader. '_ Well you know,” a loud voice scoffed at him. The sound of high heels connecting with the floor growing louder and closer towards him. 

Acting like he had not noticed the new arrival, he kept staring out the window, silently telling himself to get his shit together and turn around. He hated how he had gotten problems with that stuff after his sudden vacation in Hell. 

"Hello, did you not hear me? As your current superior, I command you to turn around and face me," the feminine voice ordered him. 

Listening to the voice, he swore it seemed very familiar to him. 

The sudden light tap on his shoulder made him whirl around in panic that he quickly hid. 

He looked at whoever tapped him on his shoulder with wide eyes. Gaping, he realized who it was. 

It was none other than Ariel herself, his former second in command from before the Fall. 

He supposed she had kept her role from before. She was assigned to help him guide and teach the Virtues. The fact that she was a Virtue herself helped. 

"Ariel?" Crowley exclaimed, looking at her with wide eyes. 

Ariel looked confused for a second before she understood who was in front of her. 

Her orange eyes widening, she put her hand in front of her mouth in shock, walking backwards. Slowly, she shook her head. 

"I-it can’t... you-you’re dead, we-we..." she protested before giving a squeak and proceeded to run over to him, crushing him in a tight hug. No disbelief or distrust towards him. 

He stiffened in surprise before slowly returning her hug. A sudden feeling of familiarity washed over him and he quietly began stroking his hand through Ariel's orange hair, comforting her as she had begun crying into his shoulder just mere moments into the hug. 

After having calmed down, she stepped back, ending the hug. She looked at him, really looked at him, still not fully believing it. 

"Ariel," Crowley whispered knowing she would still hear him. 

"It’s really you... Is it not?" she said, strong hope audible in her voice. 

Had she still missed him even after all this time? 

He gave a small smile in response; it was not his usual cocky smile nor was it the kind of smile he used to give her and many others. But he hoped his current would be enough. 

Ariel sniffed, before stiffening once more in posture. 

"Welcome back, sir," Ariel said in a serious tone. 

“I’m still not a sir." 

Her stiff posture fell. "How dare you! We thought you had died! We mourned for you! All of us, not just the Virtues and Guardians, but so many more!” She gave Crowley yet another tight hug. 

"Please do not do it again, I mean it. We can't handle yet another loss... Wait! If you are back, I need to bring you to the other Virtues, they will be as happy and surprised as I was when I first saw you Raphael," she spoke quickly. Swiftly, she took a hold of his hand and began dragging a stunned Crowley along with her. 

As Crowley was being dragged by Ariel, he could not help but be surprised at how quickly she went from sad to angry and back to sad and then angry again. Now she was determined to bring him to the Virtues, who he guessed were probably in the healing wing of Heaven. 

Practically beaming at the prospect of him re-meeting the Virtues and probably many more. She dashed away with him. 

Crowley still remembered Ariel. Always energetic and cheery, always trying to see the good in everyone no matter what. It seemed that she had not let go of those traits. She also still had huge trust in people and would always believe what they said was the truth, making her very gullible. Crowley had never understood why she held so much trust in others; even back then he knew not to trust everyone. He still was not sure why she still held so much faith in others, after everything that had happened, or maybe he was just a one timer because she recognized him? He should ask her later. He was still not sure, but if there was one thing he was sure about right now, it would be that she would still change topics like the weather when speaking. 

Ariel suddenly stopped and looked confused at him for a minute, ignoring his equally confused glances. 

She looked Crowley in the eyes as she quietly murmured, "How are you really here? And not... Well, you know, _dead?_ It is _you_ , I know it is but still... **_how?_ **" 

Raphael looked at her with wide eyes. "Well to be honest I don’t know myself," he said awkwardly. It was true, he did not know how and why he was brought back by God, if it was God. It could’ve been someone else, couldn’t it? 

"What do you mean you don’t know? You must have seen who brought you back. Did you?" Ariel asked. 

"I didn’t exactly see; I think I just saw a light, next thing I knew was I was falling towards Earth. It hurts more than you would think. I don’t recommend doing a skydive from wherever I was doing one," Raphael answered her slowly, irritated with the way Ariel was looking at him like some sort of specimen. 

"Stop looking at me like I'm some sort of specimen, Ariel," he snapped. 

Ariel looked down at her shows. 

"I didn’t mean to be snappy... It’s been a rough day, sorry." Raphael admitted, feeling bad. 

"It’s okay," she said, giving him a quick hug. 

"So uh, how did you recognize me?" Crowley asked through the awkward silence that had fallen. 

"I will tell if you explain where you have been," she said stubbornly. She continued after he had nodded in resignation. "Your eyes. I still remember how they look. One a beautiful green, the other golden like some of the galaxies you helped create." 

"Oh," he simply said. He had forgotten about how his eyes would look in Heaven. 

"Well uh, I was a bit up and down... Hell, Earth then Hell again, now here." 

"What were you doing on Earth?" she asked. 

Crowley looked uncomfortable. "It was either Earth or Hell." He shivered as he got a quick flashback of Hell. 

Ariel looked at him worried and confused as he shivered. 

"What happened in Hell? Don’t try to deny it, it is easy to see something happened down there, making you look like that. Whatever happened has damaged your spirit." 

“I have no idea what you mean,” Crowley told her. 

Ariel looked at him, the worry in her eyes quickly replaced by excitement about something Crowley was quiet not sure he would like. 

“Maybe you will not tell me everything right now or ever. But it will not stop me from making you meet the others again, so come on!” she said before taking a hold of his hand and began walking and dragging a wide eyed Crowley with her again. 

“Where are we going?” Crowley asked as he was dragged off. 

Ariel glanced at him quickly before answering, “To meet old friends." 

"That isn’t a place Ariel," Crowley argued. 

"It is," Ariel deftly argued back. 

As Ariel looked back at Raphael, she saw his face held a small scowl. She chuckled, amused by the behaviour. He looked up at her, the scowl still there, curious. She quickly looked back up, feeling slightly embarrassed. 

Ariel was happy Crowley was back, or, as she knew him, Raphael. She had missed him greatly. Working with him had made them close. She strongly felt like he was like a brother to her and looked up to him as such. 

When he had died, Ariel learned it like everyone else and had to carry on like everyone else. There was a war going on after all. She knew it had only made the war worse. The angels siding with Michael blamed the angels siding with Lucifer and they blamed those siding with Michael. Theories spread about who had killed him and how. 

The biggest candidate was Lucifer who supposedly killed him because Raphael did not want to side with him and thus he was killed, or Michael or the other archangels may have killed him because he had secretly sided with Lucifer. Ariel knew Raphael would never side with any of them. He would want them to get along, yet his ‘death’ did not make them stop fighting. It only made it worse. Knowing Raphael would not be the last to die helped her and many others continue fighting or healing. 

But in the end, it did not matter. The war was won, but by whom? All the suffering and death had made both sides crazy to prove who was the right one and who was the best. They were all acting holier/hellisher than thou. 

A shout broke her thoughts. She looked around, seeing they had officially reached the healing wing. At the entrance stood a waving guard, who had done the shouting. 

"Hey Ariel, how was the meeting? Oh, and who is that behind you?" The guard squinted at Raphael, who was still standing behind her and being held captive by Ariel. 

"Hey Custosiel. The meeting went as good as it could go, really," she replied before her mouth curved into a big smile. "Guess who I found?" 

The dark-skinned angel looked at the stranger behind Ariel, trying to figure who he was. 

He shrugged. 

Ariel rolled her eyes and looked towards Crowley. 

"Say it," Ariel whispered to him. 

Crowley raised an eyebrow amused, he walked forward and raised his hands and suddenly loudly quoted, “Oodles!” 

The shout was so sudden that it made the cherub jump slightly, before his eyes widened, a spark of recognition in them. He walked over to Crowley and put a hand on both shoulders and looked him directly in the eye, searching for a conformation. 

Seemingly acquiring one, Custosiel pulled Crowley in a quick hug, “I have missed you mate, you know that right? Don’t ever do that again.” 

"Nice to see you, Custosiel," he said. 

"It is nice to see _you_ too, Raphael," Custosiel nodded. “I don’t understand how you are here, but I imagine with the look I just got, you will not be sharing it yet. But I imagine you want to get inside?" 

"Yes, he would like that very much," Ariel confirmed. 

Custosiel gave a small smile and stepped aside as the doors slowly opened up to the healing wing. 

Inside the healing wing, were many different things. On the walls were vines trailing up them, filled with different kinds of flowers, earthly and unearthly as well. There were also people in there milling about, some hovering above those occupying the beds, others walking around either with or without stuff. 

In the room were also beds. Some of the beds were empty, others were occupied, but beside each bed were a peculiar table, and a short wall. 

Crowley remembered what the ‘wall’ could do. If you tapped it twice on each side, the wall would enlarge and give a bit more privacy. 

“As you can see, the healing wing has not changed a lot. It’s one of the few places that hasn’t,” Ariel observed, reminding him he was not alone again. 

“Would be weird if it did,” he mused. 

Ariel looked at him, giving a small smile, “Yes, it would, wouldn’t it?” 

Ariel looked around, searching for someone specific. Having not been able to spot this specific person, she grinned, pleased she could not find them. She then waved someone over to them. 

A young boyish looking angel began walking towards them, Crowley knew he was not a young boy, looks were more often than not deceiving. 

"Ariel, ma’am," the Virtue said, as he gave a quick bow. 

"You know me, there is no need for the formal greeting and calling. You know we only do it when _he_ is here," Ariel emphasised. 

The boyish Virtue gave a quick glance around the room before nodding, returning his gaze to Crowley, eyes widening. 

“Raphael,” he squeaked loudly, drawing the attention of patients and other Virtues. 

Slowly many sets of eyes began widening, jaws began dropping, some sounds of shock and surprise were also heard, but other than that it was silent and extremely uncomfortable for the sole attention of all the eyes, Raphael himself. Not that it was seen. 

Whispers and mumbles quickly broke out. 

“Alright guys, before we make Raphael more uncomfortable than he already is, I suggest we let him explain himself before anyone decides to add more guilt and sadness to the already quiet scene.” Ariel looked at him, waiting for him to tell how he was still alive. 

Crowley took a moment to speak, looking around at the many faces, familiar and unfamiliar. 

Taking a deep breath, he began explaining how he ended up here, deciding to not talk about what happened in Hell and who he met there, only explaining he had been in Hell and on Earth as well. 

It technically was not lying, he had been in Hell these last few centuries, Earth as well, most of the time. 

Explaining how he was up in Heaven again was a different story altogether. Most of the angels probably did not understand why he had not come sooner if he had been on Earth. 

After having overcome their shock, several angels walked over and re-greeted him, talking with him until Ariel shooed them back to work or bed. 

He gave Ariel a thankful look and was quickly asked if he wanted to help heal some of the angels there. He decided it would not hurt, as Uriel could probably guess where to find him. 

Following, no, being _dragged_ by Ariel, and followed by two Virtues, they went over to an angel laying down, his arm wrapped up. 

“Ah, Raphael, it is good t’see ye ‘gain, hasn’ been the same without ye, I tell ye,” the angel greeted, "I hope ye still remember me. Sefriel, it is.” 

Raphael smiled down at him, nodding. 

The rough looking Sefriel returned the nod with respect. 

“Should we continue, Colonel?” 

The colonel nodded, “It be Sefriel in ‘ere.” 

“Of course,” Raphael smiled, well aware of the many looks they were getting. 

Crowley began his examination, already feeling at ease. 

“Alright there see-“ Shuffling and a loud voice cut him off. 

"Alright, what do we have here? Get back to work!” said loud voice rudely commanded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet Ariel! And a few more OC's!  
> Yes, i drew Ariel.  
> It's surprisingly hard to get the damn picture in.  
> 


	10. Paciencia Y Fe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides behind tons of homework and a broken computer* so, i'm not dead...  
> I'm sorry it too so long for the chapter to come out.  
> As most people know, plans often tends to go haywire when you celebrate birthdays, including your own.
> 
> Warnings; Angst and anxiety.

_"Alright, what do we have here? Get back to work!” said loud voice rudely commanded._

The place quickly became quiet as the voice yelled, with more quiet noise returning a second later as virtues reluctantly returned doing their chorus without observing the long lost archangel in between. 

"Ah, Ariel, just the angel I was searching for. You forgot to give me the report," the voice said smugly. 

Watching Ariel as she shuffled around before she turned around, facing the smug voice’s owner. 

"I am sorry, do you want me to get them now? Why don’t we go and find them now? Let’s go," exclaimed Ariel hastily, repeatedly glancing back at something. 

Her glancing did not go unnoticed by the commanding angel. He curiously began walking forward, closer to Ariel, curious. 

Ariel walked forward. _Probably trying to stop me or something,_ he mused. Glancing up, due to his smaller height, he raised an eyebrow at her. 

"She is just checkin’ on some magic drink. Wait a momen’, no need ta’ put pressure on the young lady," Sefriel spoke but was promptly ignored. 

Crowley had listened carefully since he was shoved behind the quickly enlarging wall, as whoever had arrived was probably not the greatest person, since he had been shoved here so the man wouldn’t discover him. But hearing whoever it was, apparently walking forward, ignoring the others comments to not to, Crowley decided he should act before any of them would do something stupid. Sefriel might still have a thing with punching instead of words. He knew it would not end well if this ended with violence, so he quickly jumped out, saying a quick ‘Wait!’ to whoever it was. 

The others looked on with worry as he jumped forward. Ignoring their looks, he continued with his admittedly half-baked plan. 

"Uhhh, hi. I’m the one who they kept glancing at," Crowley introduced himself. He knew it was stupid and probably a dumb thing to say, but it was the only thing he could think of right now, other than doing nothing. 

“And who might you be? You seemed to have distracted the enter room yet _again,_ ” was the annoyed answer. Just like last time, everyone had stopped what they were doing, leaving their entire focus on the group. 

“I am me, and who are _you_ … Oh, it’s _you_ ,” Crowley stated as he realized who exactly was in front of him. 

“Yes, it's me. Now that you remember again, I will repeat: state your name, rank and intention before I call someone to have you removed from here.” 

“Why does who I am matter so much to you?” Crowley asked. 

An eye roll and a sigh was directed at him from the annoyed individual. “State your name and rank before this goes somewhere **you** do not want it to,” he repeated. 

“I still don’t see your point,” Crowley answered stubbornly 

Ariel, Sefriel and a few individuals close by, were all practically gaping at his witty responses. Didn't he always have a witty nature? Well, if he didn’t back then, he sure does have one now. Times does change and with it does a person. 

“Refrain from those responses and answer the questions!” 

“I’ll refrain, but right now I prefer a pleasant virtue to an annoying vice,” Crowley explained. 

“Alright, that’s it! You won’t stop arguing then. Guards! Come here, now, if you please.” he snapped. 

“You can’t have an argument without arguing back, sandy,” Crowley fired back smugly. 

At the command, Custosiel was slow running towards them, curious as to why he was called. 

Crowley knew he had been making a bit of a scene. He didn’t quite mean too, but it just sort of happened. He still had to go find Gabriel with or without Uriel, so he thought he might as well make a bit of a show out of it as a reminder of some sort before he was either dragged to him or went there himself. Of course, Crowley _knew_ he did not know the full way to where Gabriel’s current office was. Okay, ‘know’ was the wrong word: he had absolutely no idea, but there was no need to tell Sandalphon that little detail. 

Custosiel glanced over to Ariel, then Crowley and last to Sandalphon, not understanding why he was so red in the face. 

“Since you must have called me for a reason, I ask if there is anything I can to help with?” Custosiel questioned, looking at Sandalphon, who was still red in the face and to Crowley, who gave his most innocent look. 

A few seconds passed before Custosiel got an answer, but not from the two archangels. 

"Well, uh... Raphael and Sandalphon, they-” Ariel began but was cut swiftly off by Sefriel. “The two archangels here began arguin’, kid, and that is why, high archangel Sandalphon called you, because he had enough of his fellow high archangel.” 

“Raphael?” Sandalphon said as he looked over at the former unknown angel, he had been arguing with. “You are lying, the three of you. I will go to Gabriel with this and make sure none of you will ever do this again!” Sandalphon hissed at them and motioned for Custosiel to take a hold of ‘Raphael’. 

He motioned for them to follow him as he began striding out of the healing ward, Custosiel escorting ‘Raphael’ behind him. 

As they reached the door, he swiftly turned around and yelled for the virtues to start working again and turned and continued to walk out. Ignoring ‘Raphael’s’ yell of ‘You're doing great!’ 

“Some people are too Earthly minded and are simply no heavenly good,” Sandalphon mumbled as they walked. 

Crowley felt bad for leaving the others like that but knew if he hadn’t jumped out and intervened, things would probably not have gone over that well. It was nice of them trying to hide him like that in their panic. He felt something warm in his chest, but he didn’t know what it was. 

Was it happiness? Crowley was not sure if it was happiness - he had not felt happiness often, but when he did, it was on Earth. Helping people always made him joyful, but it was mostly with Aziraphale. The angel was really something special to him; he would fall protecting him. And now he literally could fall again, God may or may not have given him a second chance, but if he were going to waste it like the bad former demon he was, it would be for Aziraphale. 

Huh, maybe it was, he felt _happy_ that his friends were willing to protect him. It made him slightly teary. He had not had many people wanting to protect him or defend him, only Aziraphale, but he was too prideful and cowardly to accept it. It was strange having people wanting to do that, as people had mostly wanted him gone, if not dead. 

“Psst, psst… _Raphael!”_

Crowley looked up, not realizing he had been looking down from having zoned out and into his mind. 

Glancing around, trying to find who had called his name, or rather one of his names. 

It was still a bit confusing. What name he should answer to and from who? 

The someone whispered his name again. Still walking, he looked back, avoiding falling. He saw Custosiel looking at him worried. He answered with a confused look. 

“Raphael, is something wrong? You zoned out shortly after we left the healing wing. You haven’t looked up once!” Custosiel fretted. 

Raphael looked at him, not showing much emotion. 

“Nothing is wrong per say, just thinking about stuff… Going to see my brother, it's been a while after all. Gotta think through a bit of stuff!” he replied, strangely cheery. 

Seeing him zone out like that worried Custosiel. He was not a virtue himself, but was pretty sure that Raphael would only make himself more anxious than he should be. Custosiel decided it best to keep him focused and decided to try and do some small talk. Not his best area but he would make do. 

“Are you excited to see him?” he asked Raphael. 

Raphael looked thoughtful as he nodded, worry seeping through. 

“What do you think will happen once we get there? I mean, what about hig-Sandalphon? He is probably going to make a scene,” he asked. 

No answer. 

“Raphael?” Custosiel whispered at him. 

“He will, won’t he?” he said with a distant look in his eyes. 

Noticing Custosiel’s confusion, Crowley corrected himself. “I mean, Sandalphon will, probably. Does he often cause one? Or is this a one time thing, because honestly he seems like the type that does more complaining than working. Like, find a problem? Don’t complain, just find a solution. It can’t be that hard, I mean seriously, how _hard_ can it be?” Raphael rambled, worried. 

Custosiel glanced beside Crowley, trying to figure out how long they had to continue walking. 

“Raphael? Are you alright? You seem close to a panic attack, if I am not mistaken.” 

“I’m perfectly fine. It’s all tickety boo,” he denied. 

Not understanding what ‘tickety boo’ means, Custosiel opened his mouth to ask, but was cut off by Sandalphon speaking. 

“Quit your chatting and keep quiet. We are here now. You can speak when we are inside Gabriel’s office, well, ‘Raphael’ can. Custosiel, you are to wait outside and _keep_ quiet out there!” 

Crowley distantly wondered why the office was so far away. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that it was not Gabriel’s task to watch over the Virtues. It was Sandalphon’s - no wonder they all were happy to see him again. 

Crowley looked back at Custosiel who had positioned himself beside the double door to the office some time during his thinking. 

Crowley walked over to Custosiel, completely ignoring Sandalphons impatient look. 

“Are you going to be alright waiting out here? I mean, I don’t know how long it will take or if you will even be allowed to come in… Or something.” 

Custosiel looked at him and gave a small smile. 

“You often have to wait for anything worth something,” Custosiel said while giving a patient smile. 

Crowley gave a small smile as Sandalphon huffed impatiently, probably just wanting to get this over with and go gossip with Gabriel about stuff. But that, of course, probably would not happen during or after this meeting. 

Sandalphon rolled his eyes and went to knock on the double door. 

After a moment of silence, he went inside, not waiting for Crowley to join him. But as Crowley went inside to join him, a hand stopped him from stepping further. 

Confused, Crowley waited until he thought he was supposed to go inside. 

An annoyed huff escaped his lips, and the chatter inside the office died down. He heard a bit of shuffling. 

“Come in.” 

Crowley got a quick pat from Custosiel on the shoulder before he went inside. He almost did not flinch at the sudden touch. _Almost._

Opening the doors, he snuck a quick look around the room. 

It was almost fully white, and there were three medium to large windows, outside of which there was what looked like a big flower garden, filled with, obviously, many flowers. 

On the other side of the room was a cream coloured, tall bookcase filled with both worn and new books, and on a little space beside some books was a small, soft glowing globe with swirling colours no bigger than a hand. At the moment, it seemed to glow a strong purple colour and a half as strong turquoise and a very, very weak green, almost unnoticeable, and you had to squint just to see traces of it. 

In the middle of the room was a simple chair and a pickled oak desk. On top of the desk was a grey table runner, and on top of the table runner were strewn papers, pencils and a few drawings. 

Crowley was surprised, he thought it would have been cleaner. Wasn’t Gabriel always a perfectionist? Well, things change, don’t they? 

Crowley tried to ignore the feeling of the room swallowing him up, so he continued, unsure of where he was supposed to stand. 

He just went to stand beside the door after it had quietly closed without him noticing at all. Shuffling uncomfortably, Crowley tried not to show his discomfort, by acting like this ‘meeting’ was not worth his time. He decided his best bet at not showing how he was feeling was to glance at the floor, attempting a smug look, and hope for the best. _Great plan_ , a small voice in his head said sarcastically. 

“What do you want?” He heard a tired voice say. Gabriel say. Not that he paid attention. 

“I told you Gabriel! I- As I said. This angel has been disturbing the _peace_ in the healing wing! And claims to be something he is not,” another voiced huffed. No, Sandalphon huffed. 

Okay, he may be paying some attention, more than he would admit. But it was quite fun to practically feel Gabriel raise an eyebrow, as if to say ‘and?’ 

“And he kept saying rude remarks, nor did he even listen once! He got all of the virtues to beam and preen just by being there!” Sandalphon childishly added, satisfying Gabriel’s raised eyebrow. 

Deciding he could not miss this show, he slowly began looking up, trying to not look suspicious or a bit amused. 

Gabriel was apparently giving an ‘are you serious’ expression to Sandalphon. Completely ignoring the thoroughly amused-but-trying-not-to-show-it Crowley. 

“Listen, we both know that the virtues are a bit… towards you, but what big thing did he do since you came all the way over here to tell me he was causing ‘disturbances’ in the healing wing?” Gabriel asked. 

“Exactly I told you before! And a few of the angels there said he was-“ Sandalphon began before he cut himself off. 

“You still haven’t told me who you say he was claiming to be. I can not help if you won’t tell me. No, I won’t help until you tell me,” Gabriel elaborated stubbornly 

Sandalphon hadn’t told Gabriel who he was? Why not? Was he a sore spot or something? Or was Sandalphon just himself? He wasn’t sure. He was probably about to find out now. 

Sandalphon looked unsure for a second before he blurted “Raphael!” 

Gabriel gave him a blank stare which quickly turned into mild rage. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You asked! I answered!” 

Gabriel pointed at Sandalphon and began walking furiously over to him. 

Thinking about what happened last time Crowley saw Gabriel was angry was like, it may have been himself who made him angry but it was to protect Aziraphale, so it was justified. He quickly decided not to act like a wall fly and stood near, almost in front of Sandalphon. 

“Hey, hey, hey! Calm down you big oaf,” Crowley said quickly, holding both his hands up in a calming gesture, just as the old nickname slipped out of his mouth. 

Crowley wondered idly why he was suddenly defending Sandalphon all of a sudden. 

Gabriel stopped and looked at him for the first time since he got into the room. 

“So, you are the one who caused a disturbance in the healing wing and, you are also supposedly...” Gabriel began impatiently. 

Glancing back and forth at Sandalphon and Crowley thoughtfully, he said, “Get out.” 

“Get out, I will speak to him _alone,_ Sandalphon” Gabriel repeated at their confused expressions. 

Sandalphon looked questioningly before giving an impatient huff as if he was a child denied another piece of candy. And grudgingly left as if he wasn’t just yelled at. 

“So?” 

“So what?” 

A pregnant pause entered the room after the three quick words. 

“Who are you?” Gabriel tiredly asked, breaking the pause. 

“He just told you,” Crowley answered after a while. 

Gabriel laughed an unamused laugh, “Raphael? Raphael is dead. Who are you really? And do not joke about the dead.” 

The tension in the room grew thicker with each sentence, neither of the two in the room getting their hoped-for answer. 

“Gabriel...” Crowley started, unable to find the right words to continue. He didn’t get it why it was so hard to see it was him and just _him_. 

Gabriel sat down and pinched himself between the eyebrows and looked down. “If you really are who you say you are then answer this question for me.” 

Crowley leaned closer at that. 

“Name the secret spot where we used to hide,” Gabriel said with a small hope in his voice. If he hadn’t known Gabriel as well as he did, he might not have noticed it. 

Crowley was quick to answer the question, “I know, I know! It was in the Garden of Eden, in one of the bigger trees, we used to preen each other's wings there.” 

Gabriel's eyes widened with shock at the quick answer, and glanced to the left at the bookcase, eyes widening more with hope than shock. 

“Do you still have it?” He asked, standing up. 

Crowley looked confused at the question. “Have I still got what?” 

“The golden snake?” was the whispered answer. 

Crowley's mouth made a small ‘o’ and nodded. 

“Show me, at least then I will be sure you are not lying.” 

Crowley slowly began unbuttoning the top of his shirt. Walking over to where Gabriel stood, he made a quick decision and took one of Gabriel's hands and placed it where you now could see where the golden snake was on his skin. 

Gabriel's non existent breathing hitched as he looked back at the bookcase. 

Confused Crowley glanced over at it, seeing the small globe, instead of it being purple and turquoise mingling this time, it was purple and green. 

“Raphael?” 

“Hi,” Raphael quietly said, giving a small wave. 


	11. Nearing responsibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who woke up to a destoryed computer hardrive (memory bank thing) ME.  
> Basically all my stuff was gone and i had to get into a digging spree and redo stuff so yeahh.  
> The edited version has come!  
> Okay quick question, should i ship crowley and Aziraphale here?

_Confused Crowley glanced over at it, seeing the small globe, instead of it being purple and turquoise mingling this time, it was purple and green._

_“Raphael?”_

_“Hi,” Raphael quietly said, giving a small wave._

\- 

“You... You're alive!” 

“Yeah.” 

“But how?” 

Crowley shrugged. Still being unsure himself of the reason he was brought back by God (if it was God), he couldn’t answer Gabriel. 

He knew he wasn’t brought back because God got a sudden guilt trip. He was brought back for some kind of purpose. Crowley was not aware of it yet, but had a feeling he was going to fulfill said purpose, whether he knew about it or not. 

The silence was growing longer, penetrating the very walls and leaving an overall sense of awkward discomfort. The occupants in the room were both unsure of what to do. Both wondering whether they should say something first or wait for the other to break the lengthening silence. 

In the end it was Gabriel who broke, continuing on his earlier obvious statement. 

“I’m glad that you are alive.” 

Crowley gave a bemused huff. “Yeah, me too.” 

Gabriel shuffled slightly before sitting down and asking Crowley if he would do the same. 

Crowley was confused on where he should sit down since there was only one chair in the room. Fortunately, he discovered there was a chair a few feet near Gabriel’s own. He sat down. 

“How… did you die?” Gabriel finally asked, breaking the silence, for good this time. 

Crowley looked up, “What makes you so insistent that I died?” 

Gabriel opened his mouth and closed it again. “You mean to tell me that you didn’t die?” he finally asked.

Crowley looked amused at his confused face before answering. “Well that is an interesting story, one that I will probably have to share with the others later, and I honestly don’t want to share it that many times. I already gave a quick version to Lu-“ Crowley gave a small glare at the look Gabriel gave as he mentioned Lucifer. “Don’t give me that, it’s not as bad as you think, just cause he’s there as well.” 

Gabriel held his hands up in a small surrender. 

“The others? Is that where the others are? I wondered why they had gone.” 

“Did you search for them earlier?” 

“No, I just texted Michael, asking if she wanted to go annoy Uriel.” 

Crowley laughed at the prospect of both Gabriel and Michael going to annoy Uriel. He had honestly thought Heaven had become this no fun, boring zone after he had gone there disguised as Aziraphale, but apparently not. 

“Let me guess, she didn’t answer so you went to go annoy Uriel alone?” Crowley amusedly asked. 

“Oh, you know me too well, but no, I went to Uriel, and asked if she would help me find Michael.” 

“And then you’d team up with one of them to annoy the other?” Crowley said, surprise and amusement evident in his voice. “I didn’t think you were such a team player.” 

Gabriel shrugged, causing Crowley to laugh again. 

Gabriel awkwardly cleared his throat as Crowley stopped laughing. 

“Listen Raphael. I know that you are trying to change the subject without me noticing it.” 

“Oh, I hoped you wouldn’t notice but I suppose I should tell you a quick version. I promise I will tell you much more; we will just need to go to the others.” 

Gabriel nodded. 

Suddenly two cups of tea appeared on the table. Crowley looked confused as Gabriel took one of the cups. 

“It’s lemon, I don’t know about you but I’m not behind on Earth culture, no matter what it may seem like. Just like everyone, I have a favorite time period.” 

“Which is your… Favorite time period?” 

“The 1800s. Quiet exciting period if you ask me. They were not satisfied with only one revolution, they had to have two! And all those ideas! Oh! And the music…” 

“I didn’t think you would watch the humans after, well, after _that.”_ Crowley said as he took a sip of his cup of tea. 

Gabriel made a ‘you’re doing it again’ face. 

Crowley rolled his eyes, “Not much escapes your notice, eh… Fine… Well, uh, during the war when you all thought I had died, I didn’t, thankfully, but something did happen and after it did I, uh, I was close to- After the war I… was a bit up and down. I tried to stay on Earth mostly, but it was quiet uptown at times, but never really particulier downtown.” Crowley did not notice he had begun to shake, nor did he notice that Gabriel had moved closer and had put his arm around Crowley, trying to give comfort. 

Taking a deep unneeded breath, he continued. “Well, after a few thousand years on Earth the apocalypse happened, thank you for that by the way. I helped Ad-the antichrist to stop Armageddon - Well, I suppose it is now Armageddon’t. And after all _that,_ things settled down, or so we thought. To answer your question about dying, yes, I did just a few thousand years later than everyone thought, but I’m back! I don’t know why though.” 

Silence. 

“First of, um, I’m sorry for Armageddon? Things were a bit depressing when we made the agreement to do it - yeah, I know what you are thinking. ‘Just because you are sad, doesn’t mean you should take it out on others’ yadda, yadda, we knew that and we didn’t , it was not us who put pressure into doing it _now._ Second, I’m really happy that you didn’t die back then, but confused as to why you didn’t find us after. Third, I’m sad that you did die and happy that you are alive,” Gabriel quickly explained. 

“Hey! Hey! No ruffling the hair,” Raphael admonished him as he ruffled his hair, having succeeded in cheering him up. 

Gabriel chuckled. “As much as I would like more details, why don’t we go find the others?” 

He nodded. 

They both stood up and while one stretched, the other quickly brushed their pants. 

“You ready?” Crowley asked Gabriel. 

He nodded. 

“Was everyone there? Michael, Uriel, Lucifer and Azrael?” 

Crowley shook his head. “No, Azrael isn’t. I think the others would flip if he was there as well. But if you are curious if he knows, he does.” 

Gabriel opened his mouth, ready to state his confusion before Crowley cut him off. 

“No time for questions!” he said as he went to open the door. He could hear rapid shuffling and a few muffled noises from the other side. 

Raising an eyebrow, he opened the door and was greeted with Custosiel standing innocently beside the door and Sandalphon standing nearby examining his nails. 

“Well that looks innocent.” 

“Sure does.” 

Sandalphon turned to look at them, his cheeks hinting a small taint of red. 

“So? What now? What shall now?” 

“You are going to take off a few of the seraphs while I and Raphael will take care of some things with the others. Okay? Good,” Gabriel said, pointing at Sandalphon as he quietly walked closer and nodded. 

“Alright.” 

“I will send the messages, you know where to go.” 

Sandalphon nodded and left to wherever he was supposed to go. 

Gabriel turned around and saw Raphael talking with Custosiel, both of them were smiling, one like the idiot he was, the other held a ‘I’m proud of you, but I have a feeling your idea will go wrong, but I still support you’ cause you're my friend’ smile. 

“Are you ready?” Gabriel asked him as he bid goodbye to Custosiel who went to collect the seraphs who would be Sandalphon’s temporary co-workers. 

“I was born ready.” 

“No, I’m pretty sure you were created, not born.” 

“It is a metaphor, not meant to be taken seriously.”

“I know, I’m just trying to annoy you, was it working?” 

“Screw you.” 

“Do it yourself, o’ high and mighty.” 

Raphael whirled around to look at him, gaping, with wide eyes. 

“Did you have to say that? You oaf, you just killed our nice tease vibe. What a great idiotic talk you started,” he asked. 

Gabriel gaped, “ _Of course_ I talk like an idiot, how else could you understand me?” 

Both broke out laughing. _Hard._

After calming down, they both continued to walk, before Crowley realized he still didn’t know where Uriel went, and sheepishly told Gabriel who laughed and said he had wondered when Crowley would realize it himself and decided to wait for it. 

After glaring at Gabriel, he asked if Gabriel knew where she might be, he nodded. 

“Watch out, if you don’t stop soon, the degree of your stupidity might be able to boil water soon.” 

“Screw you a- “ 

“Don’t want to go down that road again, do we?” 

………… 

_Heaven_ , _before the war. Exact time: unknown._

_“What did you do this time?” they asked bemused, rolling around to face the person laying on the ground beside them._

_“What makes you think I did something?” the figure said, mildly annoyed._

_“Well, you came to me, while you were originally supposed to be with someone else at this time,” they said, putting a hand up to remove some of their red hair from their face._

_“Weren’t you supposed to be with someone as well?”_

_“Yeah, well, that is not the same.”_

_“Yes, it is! It is exactly the same, on every level you could think of.”_

_“Except it is different people, so different levels!”_

_Both of them laughed._

_Sitting up the redhead looked at the figure beside them, “Why are you actually here? I know when people try avoiding the subject. I personally think I’m rather good at it.”_

_The figure sighed, feeling somewhat sheepish by coming. Not thinking it was that important or interesting enough to talk about._

_“It is nothing, don’t worry, it was just me being silly. I will go now, don’t want to disturb you further!”_

_“Hey, hey! Wait, if you came here, I don’t think it’s just nothing, so spill. Besides, if it really is nothing, I will be the judge of that,” the redhead said as he grabbed his hand before he could get up fully._

_He looked at the redhead, contemplating if he should tell._

_“Fine,” he sighed before continuing. “Well um, before I was supposed to join Uriel in the garden, I was to be with Mother. But I forgot! And I didn’t know where I should go, in fear of making the other sad… That is also why I am here.” He rambled as the redhead looked on._

_“Oh, you could have just started with that- No, it is not silly. Besides, I think I might know what you were to do with Mother, don’t worry. It is okay that you didn’t come today, she will forgive you.”_

_“What was I to do there? Can you tell me? Please Raph.”_

_Raph chuckled at him. “Fear not, I will tell Mother and I don’t think it is her you should be worried about Gabriel.”_

_Gabriel nodded for him to continue, listening patiently._

_“Uriel will probably be a bit mad, but she will get over it, and you still have time to get there. I am sure she is still in the garden.”_

_Gabriel looked unsure for a moment before a determined glint appeared in his eyes. “Thank you for aiding me with my problems,” Gabriel said. “You will go as well? Meet who you're supposed to meet?” Gabriel remarked as he stood up and stretched his wings._

_“I promise I will see Lu,” Raph nodded. “See you later oaf.”_

_“Bye, blue bird.”_

_-_

When they both had arrived at the exit point, a quiet silence had engulfed their walk. 

The silence was not an uncomfortable one, if it were, both of them would have tried to break it at one point. Neither avid for silence for too long. 

Lucky for them it was not long at all. 

“Are you ready?” 

“Honestly? No.” 

“Don’t worry, you can do it,” Gabriel said with a smile as he put a hand on Crowley’s shoulder and touched the flying globe of Earth. Ignoring Crowley mumbling sarcastically ‘Gee, so considerate’ 

he teleported them to their destination. 

…….. 

After Uriel had teleported both Raphael and her to Heaven, the remaining angels and demon were left to walk the rest of the way. 

Since Michael and Lucifer did not know the path, they both decided to simply follow Aziraphale, while trying to not kill each other. It did not stop them from not-so-secretly annoying each other somehow. 

After having walked onto a huge lawn where they saw a few humans and a dog. Humans that Aziraphale clearly recognized since he waved and walked over. 

Leaving Michael and Lucifer to give each other death glares while he explained the situations. 

The humans apparently nodded and accepted the situation and quickly began walking somewhere with Aziraphale following, forcing them to follow after. 

“Could you stop?!” snapped Anathema, annoyed at being caught in the middle of yet another wind created by Michael. 

“Who would have thought that _you two_ could be so childish,” remarked Adam. 

“Why not? We are still people, just a bit different from your usual lot.” 

“Good point.” 

After walking a little while the humans and three supernatural beings arrived at their destination, Anathema’s cottage, quicker than Michael and Lucifer thought they would (they had begun walking faster after a rain cloud came ‘all of a sudden’ and drenched them all wet, except Michael and Lucifer, one of which had materialized an umbrella). 

Luckily for them, Aziraphale had miraculously dried their clothing, but it did not stop them from still walking back faster. 

When they had arrived Lucifer immediately waltzed inside and sat down on the couch with his legs crossed. 

The Them had taken to occupy the kitchen with Anathema. 

Michael had taken to exploring until it led her to the kitchen, where she was then forced by the Them to try whatever kind of food Anathema and Newt had in their fridge. 

Newt had the unfortunate pleasure of being struck in the living room by Anathema with the order to watch Lucifer and make sure he does not do any evil. 

Luckily for him, Lucifer eventually gave some mercy and stopped making Newt uncomfortable and decided to start an actual conversation, which turned to a bromance. 

The atmosphere had acquired a comfortable and calm feeling, considering what was going on. 

But it was not the case the whole day. 

During the afternoon, some reporters and journalists had come due to the ‘meteor’ that had crashed a few days ago. 

One journalist had the unfortunate timing of come knocking and asking questions at Anathema’s cottage while she herself was busy. 

So the person who opened the door happened to be Lucifer. 

Lucifer looked at the male human before him with an unimpressed raised eyebrow. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Ah! Yes, hello, you’re the owner of this house?” the journalist asked with a cheery accent. 

Before Lucifer could answer the journalist spoke again, cutting the king of Hell off before he could even start. 

“I have a few questions about the meteor that crashed a small few days ago. Do you mind?” The journalist said, still cheery. Completely ignoring what Lucifer was doing as she was about to ask the first of his many questions. 

“Did you see the meteor as it flew by? Could you hear it? Do you kno-“ the journalist cut herself off as she met Lucifer's eyes. 

Lucifer looked at the human with an ice cold glare with a promise of death if you don’t leave _right now_. 

“No piss off you human equivalent of a pig. I have heard of being hit with an ugly stick, but you must have been beaten senseless.” Lucifer said calmly and smacked the door closed just as Anathema slowly came and warily asked who it was. 

Lucifer, Lucifer just gave her a half mad smirk and said ‘no one’ and walked back into the living but not before giving a not-so-secret wink to Michael on his way through the kitchen. 

“This is how you deal with annoying humans,” Lucifer said quietly. 

“Why must you always pick a fight with humans like this!” Michael said annoyed after having taken a sip of her tea from Adam. 

Lucifer scoffed. “Since when do you care?” He walked inside. 

-A time skip suddenly appeared! How magical!- 

Knock, knock, went the door. 

“If you are another journalist, I will warn you that I have a pan! And it’s warm!” Anathema yelled. “And the devil is also in the house and I promise you, he is worse than me! “ 

“No! No! It’s just us!” 

A few seconds passed with fumbling noises coming from inside the house before the door opened and Anathema peeked out, her hair swirling around. 

“Ah, it’s you! Come in you... three,” Anathema said as they went inside. 

“Why do you have a pan?” Gabriel asked. 

Anathema squinted her eyes at him, “Pancakes. Want some?” 

Gabriel opened his mouth to decline. 

“They were originally for the Them but I sent them home since it is pretty late. They’ll get the rest tomorrow.” 

Walking into the living room itself was a blessing to Crowley, he immediately slowed his pace down and snuck beside Uriel and Gabriel and went to sit over beside Aziraphale, who sat on the sofa. 

“So,” Anathema said as she clapped her hands together and looked at the occupants in the living room, which were all the _actual_ archangels, fallen or not, and of course Aziraphale and her boyfriend Newt. 

“It’s late, why don’t you guys talk it out here tomorrow, we have pancakes and donuts,” Anathema said. 

“What do you suppose we should do while waiting?” Michael slowly asked. 

“Why don’t you go out and eat together?” Newt awkwardly said. 

“That’s a great idea! I will help them, while you two get some sleep and do whatever couples also do,” Aziraphale said cheerily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who should eat together? All the archangels, Aziraphale and Crowley? Or just the archangels and Crowley? or just Crowley and Aziraphale while the archangels are in the bookshop messing things up and trying not to blow each other up?  
> Asking for a friend. ;)  
> I LOVE refrences.


	12. Authors note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Je suis désolé  
> I'm sorry  
> Jeg undskylder  
> Es tut uns leid  
> lo siento  
> извиняюсь

Hello. Your probably expected a new chapter after alomst a month, yet again. But this isn't one, sorry. I honestly hate when people do these but i think i must, so to get to the point. Before i do that, i will say.

Congratulations to all you americains out there, the election was so crazy, i'm personally happy that Biden won. Also. We really need justice for Johnny Depp. He doesn't deserve that bull _sheet._

It's been a while since i have updated, and i apologise so frickin much. School has been so busy lately, i'm getting grades left and right and exam preperations. My friend is close to being stuck in a warzone, literally. I'm losing contact with two other friends. Living in diffrent countries, and in covid, will do that. I'm also suspecting a family member of mine may have dementia. I'm crazy with my mental health and beginning to wonder alot about my sexual orientations. 

The tip of the iceburg, you might ask? No. I also realized i forgot a major part in the story. So all fo you who has reached this fare, know of the little torturepart which happens in chapter 3 or 4, i don't remember right now xd. Anyhoo, so after that stuff happens to you, you don't come out unscated of course. What i'm trying to say is, i've forgotten the angst and PTSD part, so i've gone in a frenzy to edit it in and edite the chapters. So i'm kinda in an editing freny in ym current almot none exsistence freetime.

Ahhh i'm so sorry!! I hope you can forgive lil' old stupid me. 

I have made the goal and promise that i will be finished before the 1 december. Is that a long time? Yes and no. School is a bastard, freetime is nonexistence and chapter is missing key point.

So yeahh, sorry for my rant, i will get back to you before december. With changed chapters and a new one! (I'm sorry about having all this coming in the way of the chapters)

So have a great time till then! 


	13. Singing in the blues, wait what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy first of december.  
> *edited version is here*

_“What do you suppose we should do while waiting?” Michael slowly asked._

_“Why don’t you go out and eat together?” Newt awkwardly said._

_“That’s a great idea! I will help them, while you two get some sleep and do whatever couples also do,” Aziraphale said cheerily._

_-_

“Right! Okay… Where should we eat…?” 

“Don’t ask me, I don’t know.” 

“Hey shush, I wasn’t asking you either.” 

“Then who were _you_ asking?” 

“Not you certainly.” 

“Do we have to go and eat? Can’t we do something else?” 

“Anyway,” Michael said meaningfully.

“Right. Moving on, I say we go around and walk until we find something that looks nice!” Aziraphale said enthusiastically. They were standing outside after having been kicked out of the cottage after ‘thinking too loudly instead of going out.’ 

“Do we have to go and eat? What even _is_ the point?” asked Gabriel. 

“The point is to enjoy the food, and you also have the time to catch up on things. Isn’t that great?” 

A repeated phrase of ‘No’ was spoken. 

Crowley rolled his eyes and asked Aziraphale to miracle them all to Soho. Not before sneaking a quick glance at the Bentley as they all teleported away. 

……. 

“Argh!” hissed Lucifer as he stumbled after having arrived at Aziraphale’s bookshop. 

“Quit complaining,” said Michael as she brushed her shoulder and glanced around the bookshop’s interior. 

“Uhhhh, Miracles and demons in one sentence aren't exactly compatible if you remember,” Crowley rolled his eyes. 

“See! He gets it!” Lucifer pointed out, gesturing at Raphael as he and Michael began bickering, much to the others’ annoyance. 

“Do you have to yell at each other every few seconds?” Uriel heard Raphael mumble in a sad tone, as Gabriel walked over to him. 

Uriel shook her head at them and slowly walked forward, glancing at a few bookcases and then at a couch, two chairs and a table. On said table were two wine glasses, with one of the glasses filled up a third of the way. 

Walking closer, Uriel carefully poked the glass. Noticing, Aziraphale walked closer. 

“This smell is weakly demonic, yet also familiar,” she observed, still inspecting the glasses. 

“Ah, yes, the glasses were gifts from a friend of mine. We often used them. Oh, Crowley...” Aziraphale mumbled the last part. 

None of the two had noticed Crowley walking closer and quietly listening in on their conversation, as he listened to Michael and Lucifer complain about and to each other. Gabriel was looking at different books and grabbed a thick one, mumbling something and laughing at it. 

“The friend of yours, was he the demon who helped you stop Armageddon? If so, then- “ 

“I’m sorry to interrupt you. But I cannot listen to you just insulting my best friend. We stopped Armageddon together, even though we half helped start it… not the point! But Crowley was an amazing being, no matter what. He did not deserve what happened to him, not at all. He has been my best friend since we met at the garden of Eden, and throughout time, even if I may or may not have realized it, I loved that demon and would have gone everywhere with him. I just wish I had gotten to say it,” Aziraphale rambled, making small gestures with his hands. 

Crowley quietly looked on, fighting a blush as he mulled over what Aziraphale said. He looked up, now knowing what he should do. 

“Alright everybody! Shut up and listen!” Crowley yelled and waited for the others to quiet down, which they did with surprising haste. “I know what to do. We _are_ going out to eat.” 

Crowley walked over to Aziraphale as he said the last part and put his arm around Aziraphale’s shoulder. 

“Who? All of us? Why?” 

“No, only Aziraphale and me.” 

“You two? -” 

“Us two? -” 

Aziraphale and Michael spoke over each other, cutting themselves short at Crowley’s expression, surprised looks on their face. 

“ _Yes,_ us two _._ With him, I know the food will be eaten and he will not cause a scene, unlike you four! And I haven’t been able to talk with him alone since this stupid drama started,” ranted Crowley, annoyed. 

“Pardon me, but, are you sure Raphael? I mean- It was supposed to be a family bonding thing, but-” 

“It’s okay, besides, it was originally to simply kill time and it can't exactly be a family bonding thing. Still missing two members... It's a bit harsh, sorry. Anyway! Let’s go. I trust my siblings not to burn down the bookshop,” Crowley said pointedly, hope noticeable in his tone. “‘Sides, if they do, they have hell to pay,” he implied with a hint of a warning. 

“Okay, Uriel and I promise we won’t burn this bookshop down. We just can’t make promises from Michael and Lucifer though,” Gabriel said curtly. 

“Hey!” Lucifer said. “Hmpf,” huffed Michael. 

Uriel rolled her eyes and sighed. “You are what you eat after all.” 

“Then you should avoid nuts, Uriel.” Lucifer mumbled. 

“I don’t even eat.” 

“Exactly. You are nothing.” 

As Crowley and Aziraphale walked out, Crowley glanced backwards, quietly begging for the others not to start another quarrel. And was met with Lucifer wagging his eyebrows suggestively and the other archangels standing with frowns. He shot a warning glance at his siblings before leaving the bookshop fully. Crowley hoped they would not do anything too crazy while he and Aziraphale dined. He wondered if any good restaurants were open at this time. 

“So,” Crowley blurted as they began walking. 

“Hm? So what?” 

“Do you, uhhh, know if any good restaurants are open at this time, it is in the middle of night after all,” Crowley said, trying and failing to do small talk. 

“Oh, yes I know a few restaurants who are open at this time, two of which owe me a favor. So it will either be sushi or seafood. Got any specific things you would like?” 

“Oh, uhhhh, I don’t have any specific I suppose. Sushi?” 

“Sushi it is then!” Aziraphale said cheerily and extended his arm. 

Crowley glanced down at it, confused for a second before exclaiming ‘ohhh,’ and taking the arm. 

As they teleported, Crowley had a brief panic about how angels and demons don’t teleport together for a reason and was about to warn Aziraphale about what could happen if they did. He stopped as he realized he was an idiot, who seemed to forget an itsy bitsy tiny detail. He mentally scolded himself. 

As they arrived, Aziraphale took the time to take in the smell of the restaurant, and quickly brush a small speck of dust off his shoulder. Glancing at Crowley, silently asking if he was ready. 

Crowley nodded and began to follow Aziraphale inside. He silently wondered if this was a new restaurant, since Aziraphale hadn’t taken him to this exact restaurant before. He strangely felt jealous of himself for some reason. Not wanting to dwell on it too much, he pushed the feeling away for a later time, determined to enjoy this. 

“Do we have a reservation?” inquired Crowley. 

“A table has miraculously just been cleaned and is ready.” Aziraphale noted, before remembering who he was with. “I hope you don’t mind; I mean- “ 

“Don’t mind me, I don’t care angel.” 

Aziraphale squinted his eyes at the comment but didn’t mention anything. 

After they had sat down, they both got ready to order; Crowley decided to order a simple glass wine, which he quickly turned into a bottle. 

Aziraphale began ordering a glass of wine as well, but stopped as Crowley said they would share, and a few kinds of sushi, saying he would of course order more, he just had to eat this first. 

Deciding to do some small talk before the food arrived, Crowley thought about how he could start a conversation but Aziraphale beat him to it. 

“How are you?” Aziraphale began. 

“Me?” Crowley asked, his voice doing a strange squeak. 

Aziraphale gave him a strange look. “Yes, you. How are you Raphael?” Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley shuffled a bit in his seat before answering. “I’m fine. Things are not going to hell, _yet,_ I s’pose.” 

Aziraphale gave a small huff. 

Crowley shifted again, contemplating how he should start talking about what he had originally wanted to discuss. Unsure, he sighed and decided to get straight to the point about how Aziraphale had not recognized him yet. Not that it bothered him. 

Crowley was about to ask, but a waiter walked over to them, holding a plate of food and another with a wine bottle. 

Giving a quick thank you, Aziraphale slowly began to eat his sushi, making small noises of agreement as he tasted. 

Crowley slowly sipped his now full glass of wine as he debated with himself about if he should wait a bit with speaking and let Aziraphale enjoy his food. 

Crowley was so absorbed in his thought that he did not realize he had begun staring at Aziraphale in a quite obvious manner. 

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “Did you know that the fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside, is what matters the most?” 

Crowley sputtered at the sudden comment and was caught staring absentmindedly. “Wai- Wha- What?” 

“I’m trying to start a conversation with you. Is it working yet? I thought you might want to speak with me about something, since you invited me here and not your siblings.” Aziraphale began. “And I have also caught you staring, while it _is_ polite of you to wait for me to finish my food, but I fear it might take a while.” 

Aziraphale took a small sip of his wine, making a small gesture, signaling that he was waiting for Crowley to talk about what he wanted to ask him. 

“What’s the weirdest smell, you’ve ever smelled?” Crowley tried to start. 

Aziraphale raised his eyebrow again. 

“Oh, _fine!_ ” Crowley sighed dramatically before shifting in his seat and taking a large sip of his drink. 

“How, how come that you haven’t recognized me yet?” He asked, already feeling like he could have asked in a different manner. But before he could drown in his panicked doubts. Aziraphale gave him a look he couldn’t decipher fast enough before it disappeared. 

“Whatever do you mean Raphael? I did recognize you. I admit it did take me a few minutes after you woke up, but I did, so I don’t quite get what you mean. Could you elaborate a bit?” He replied. 

“Ngk, yeah, I know you recognized me like that but I mean, like seriously, how come that you haven’t recognized me for _me.”_ Crowley clarified. “Angel, c’mon, seriously, it’s _me._ I know my siblings are kind of blind, but I never thought you were, so _please_ don’t prove me wrong. If anybody should know this it’s you.” Crowley rambled, getting a bit desperate. 

“Come on, you remember when we met, right? Well officially, kinda...” Crowley asked, feeling hurt at the fact that someone he deeply cared about didn’t recognize him. 

Had he really changed that much? 

Aziraphale began looking a bit at the start of Crowley’s rant, expression shifting a bit to insult to _confusionGriefAngerRecogonition._

“Eden...” Aziraphale whispered. 

“What?” 

“Crowley...” Aziraphale started, eyes sparking with recognition and sadness. 

“Hey,” Crowley said quietly. 

In two flit seconds Aziraphale went from sad to angry, taking his napkin from the table, he immediately began hitting Crowley with it, leaning forward to get closer in order to hit more. 

Crowley shrank backwards, putting his hands up in a friendly like manner as he tried to deflect the napkin hits from Aziraphale. 

Trying to avoid the angry Aziraphale as much as he could, he wondered why they hadn’t caught any unwanted attention to themselves yet. They were in a restaurant, with other people after all.

“Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! It’s not like I killed you cat!” Crowley yelled. 

“But you killed my best friend! Crowley... I thought you were dead.” Aziraphale said in a weak voice, momentarily stopping his napkin assault. 

Crowley looked away, trying to ignore the strong guilt bubbling up in his stomach. Shock flaring up as well as Aziraphale gave one last hit before he finally sat down, finally stopping his assault. 

Overcoming his momentarily shock, Crowley looked around surprised. “How come no one had heard _that?”_

Crowley grumbled something under his breath and Aziraphale arched and eyebrow in response. 

Exhaling a long sigh, Crowley ran his fingers through his hair. “Zira, I’m sorry, I really am. I tried to tell you, really. Don’t give me that look… Ask, okay? Ask about anything you want, I’ll answer.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” _Didn’t you trust me enough?_

“I tried to, the others were there, so I didn’t really have a chance to tell you and would you really have believed me if I had gone over like, ‘Hey Aziraphale! It’s me. News flash, I’m not dead, sorry to disappoint if that was the case.” 

“No, no. I mean _why_ didn’t you tell me? You had time to do it, before and after your siblings have stormed the place,” Aziraphale said with a small smile on his face from the remark. 

Crowley looked down for a second before answering, wishing he had some more wine but he was too lazy to take some from the bottle. “I... My siblings don’t know what has happened to me all these years, for all they could know I was dead or something, and I don’t know what my siblings would say,“ _I don’t know what will happen and I don’t want my siblings to abandon me._

“They think you were in hell. And I think it has given Lucifer a lot of guilt. But if you are worried about the demon part, _that_ they don’t know, but they do know about the torture part.” 

Crowley’s throat constricted at the mention as he looked away. 

Aziraphale’s eyes softened as he put a hand on Crowley’s shoulder, giving a sad face as Crowley flinched but didn’t move away. 

Aziraphale opened his mouth, searching for words so he could change the subject, hoping to get Crowley to calm down. 

“Wait, your siblings are the archangels, Crowley! _The archangels!_ Does that mean I get pardons now? Or those infamous shovel talks?” 

Crowley gave a small chuckle and smiled. 

The two of them sat there like that for a while. They weren’t sure how long but somewhere in the midst of it, Crowley had put his hand on Aziraphale. Just staring at each other in the eyes. 

“Crowley, about what I said in the bookshop earlier, I meant it.” 

“If you will be there for me, I'll always be there for you. Good deal, right?” 

Aziraphale gave an amused huff. 

“Wait, Aziraphale?” Aziraphale looked up at the mention of his name. 

“Can you... I mean, not tell my siblings, at least not yet. About, y’know.” 

Aziraphale nodded and smiled. 

“Thanks, angel.” 

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. 

Until, a sudden commotion behind them made them both turn around, several other people in the restaurant doing the same. 

The sight that greeted them made Crowley put a hand on his face and give a deep and long sigh. 

Aziraphale just stared like several others. 

The sight itself was people, three unique people, one was a male and the other two were women. Or, they at least looked like it. Appearances, after all, are often deceiving. 

But it was what they were doing that was causing all stares. 

Roughly entering the dining area with not a care in the world about who saw them and what the few waiters said to them. Was none other than Michael, Lucifer and Uriel. Gabriel nowhere to be seen. 

“Will you at least admit I was right! _I_ said they would probably be here, in a restaurant, but noooOOoo, you said ‘they’re probably in the park.’ Look! I was right! Ha! If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.” 

“I didn’t _specifically_ say _they_ were in the park, I said they could have been and technically they could. I’m not opinionated, I'm just always right.” 

“And 46,69 of all statistics were made up on the spot.” 

“Where there is a will, there is a quarrel,” Crowley heard Aziraphale mumble quietly, giving a small snicker in return. 

Apparently, his snicker caught the attention of his siblings, as their heads had whirled around at the sound.

Quickly walking forward was Lucifer, snapping his fingers. All of the other people in the restaurant looked away and began serving and eating as if no one had just barged into the dining area, yelling stuff. 

Lucifer walked over to their table and waved. 

“Hey, how is my _favourite_ sibling doing!?” Lucifer said loudly, shoving his arm around Crowley’s shoulder. Ignoring the glares from Uriel and Michael. 

“Uhhhh.” 

Michael rolled her eyes. 

“How was your dinner?” Michael said as she sat down in the newly appeared chair. 

A fourth appearing as Uriel walked over, sitting down as well, leaving Lucifer as the only one standing. 

“Wait, where is Gabriel?” 

“He ditched us somewhere along the way, claiming we would blow something up and he didn’t want to take responsibility and face your wraith.” 

“Oh.” 

“Good choice.” 

“But why are you here? I told you guys to stay in the book shop.” 

“Well, that, that is a story.” Uriel said. 

Lucifer stood taller, “Well! Let me explain. Okay, so, after you two love birds had left, Gabriel and Michael sat down to read, Uriel was just looking around for something, I didn’t really pay attention to her at that moment. And, you're probably wondering what your sweet brother Lulu here was doing. I was bored,” Lucifer began quickly, noticing both Crowley and Aziraphale blushing, but choosing not to comment on it. 

“He then began complaining loudly that he was bored, he just sat at the table and began acting like a four year old. Until he out of the blue decided we go find you two and take you back to the bookshop,” Michael cut Lucifer off. 

“And you all just said ‘sure, let’s go find them?” 

They nodded. 

“Oh, fine. Luckily for you two, Zira and I had finished a few minutes before you guys came barging.” 

Uriel stood up, “Good, it is settled, we are going back to Aziraphale’s bookshop.” 

“Yeah, but Uriel you're forgetting one more thing and that thing is Gabriel,” Lucifer reminded her. 

As the others stood up, Lucifer suddenly yelled, “I volunteer to go get him! You guys just go back.” 

“Angel, I think I’m going to go with Lucifer, I don’t trust him out there. Take care?” Crowley said hurriedly before he quickly began running up to Lucifer, who had already begun walking out. 

“Why is it always Gabriel?” 


	14. The session is at when o clock?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEARS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS.  
> I originally ment to post on chrismas butttt I got a tinyy writes block but I got over it!  
> So here it is! 'On New Years Day! 
> 
> This is my fav chapter so far!
> 
> Thank you for all the support! I will try to get the next chapter out soon, but I have exams next month so I might be a bit busy but I'll try!

_As the others stood up, Lucifer suddenly yelled, “I volunteer to go get him! You guys just go back.”_

_“Angel, I think I’m going to go with Lucifer, I don’t trust him out there. Take care?” Crowley said hurriedly before he quickly began running up to Lucifer, who had already begun walking out._

_“Why is it always Gabriel?”_

\- 

“Wait, Lucifer! Slow down a bit at least!” Crowley yelled as he hurried to catch up to the strangely cheery Lucifer. 

As he caught up to Lucifer, he wondered why he was so excited about finding Gabriel. 

Crowley hadn’t realized he had spoken those thoughts aloud until Lucifer answered. 

“Well, brother mine, I am just excited! I haven’t had any real excitement in ages!” 

Crowley scrunched his eyebrows. 

“Excitement? You are excited? About what?” 

Lucifer looked at him for a second. Crowley did not manage to decode his expression, before Lucifer cheerily began rambling as they trotted down the drizzly street. 

Crowley squinted his eyes at Lucifer, still not understanding why Lucifer was so freaking cheery. So he did what he usually did: ask what was wrong due to the sudden mood swing and keep asking until he relented and spilled what was annoying or stressing him. 

“Lucifer shut up for a second. I know something is wrong; I know you Mr. Open Book – don’t give me that look, you really are an open book for anyone who knows you,” Crowley added at the look Lucifer gave him. “Something is obviously bugging you, so explain,” he finished, gazing right at Lucifer, making sure his message got across. 

“How are you so sure something is distressing me?” Lucifer asked, squinting his eyes.” 

“One: I’m your brother. Two: like I said before, you’re an open book. Three: I’ve known you since I was created,” Crowley explained. 

“Family,” Lucifer spat the word like it was poisoned. “Who needs family? All they do is hurt you. It’s a rare thing for them to be there. When they are, they are never there for _you._ ” 

"I am here for you and I know the others are as well. You just need to clear the air a bit,“ Crowley snapped. “Be thankful, not everyone has a family.” 

Lucifer's cheery smile slowly fell away as he refused to even glance at Crowley, abruptly stopping up. “Nothing is wrong, so there is no need for any unnecessary pressure,” Lucifer snapped, looking at Crowley with red glowing eyes. “Besides, I don’t need any advice.” 

Shrinking a bit at the snapping but refusing to let it get the better of him, Crowley looked defiantly, with kindness, at Lucifer. 

“I didn’t say I was here to give you advice; you don’t always need advice.” 

Lucifer looked even more aggravated and he flashed his demon form as he spoke. “Then what do I need, if not advice?” 

Crowley, ignoring Lucifer's demonic form, put his hand on Lucifer's shoulder. “Someone to listen.” 

At those words, something abruptly changed in Lucifer's posture, no longer tense and aggravated. He suddenly looked worried and lost. 

“I- I admit I’m a bit lost about this whole thing. We haven’t talked in aeons and so much has changed. And their opinions of me, I can still feel it, even if I don’t look. I feel their angry and betrayed looks. They blame me for what happened… Gosh, I’m sorry… It’s nothing, never mind what I just said,” he said slowly, hurt visible in his voice. 

“No, no. It’s not okay. I know for a fact that neither of them blames you for that. If they do, they blame themselves more than they would you. We’re still siblings, even after all this time, Lu.” 

“I don’t know what to do about any of it. Do I just act like nothing has changed? Or do I speak anew? Let them know I don’t hate them and hopefully they won’t hate me either. Come to think of it, when _isn’t_ it a good time to go limp and play dead?” 

“You don’t know what to do?” Crowley repeated. 

“Go back and look at what you just said,” Crowley said, after Lucifer nodded in confirmation. 

A moment of silence passed as Lucifer mulled over what he just said. 

“Ha… your right. Sometimes you just need to speak with someone, no need for advice on every occasion,” Lucifer said, feeling surprised as if a lightbulb appeared over his head (one, in fact, had, but he didn’t notice). 

Crowley looked at him smugly, “I know.” 

Lucifer laughed. “Did you have to ruin the mood? I mean seriously. It was a good mood right there Raph.” 

Crowley laughed along with him. 

“Oh, right! I forgot to ask. What do you want me to call you? You are after all both Raphael and Crowley.” 

“I dunno, both works fine, I mean, use whatever floats your boat.” 

A comfortable silence fell after that. Their walk progressed forward as they neared the park. 

As they came into the view of the park, it was quiet. They could see trees, bushes and a lake with a small black fence around it. Beside the river were benches with a few meters gap. 

On one specific bench sat a figure, dimmed by the darkness, only partially visible in the light from the streetlamp, which stood close by, shining quietly down, giving a weak light and clammy hue to everything it illuminated. 

The light lit up the figure sitting crunched a bit forward with crossed legs, a book in hand. 

Walking into the park, Crowley couldn’t help but admire the beauty of it, the weak lighting coming from the streetlamps and how the rain drizzled down on the green land. It was quite the breathtaking sight, in his own opinion. 

It looked like Lucifer agreed with him, looking at his expression of pure wonder and amazement. 

After making a small hit on Lucifer's side to get him to move again, they walked over to where Gabriel sat on the bench reading in the rain. His book wasn’t at all wet, but this can probably be attributed to a minor miracle Crowley could sense surrounding the object. 

It was lucky that angels and demons didn’t feel really cold or warm, or else Gabriel would have frozen to death.

Crowley asked Lucifer if he was ready, only walking forward after getting a yes in response. They walked over to Gabriel, making as little noise so he would hear them approach. 

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t already felt their presence. 

Closing his book, Gabriel gave a small sigh. “Hello Raphael, Lucifer. What brings you here?” 

“Yes, the food was good, Gabriel, thank you for asking, Gabriel. So nice to see you again, Gabriel,” Lucifer teased, pouting when Crowley hit him in the side and mumbled ‘ _shut up.’_

“Just ignore him, really, he’s a bit reliant on humour right now. Bit panicky,” Crowley said as he moved to sit down. 

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Right, of course. Sit down, I don’t mind.” 

Lucifer animatedly moved over to sit on the bench, almost laying down and stretching his arms wide, almost a mirror version of how Crowley was sitting. 

Only, he was sitting a bit more upright. Lucifer looked like he was one stretch to fall off the bench. 

Not commenting on how either Lucifer or Crowley was sitting. Gabriel was about to open his book, but it was snatched by Crowley. 

Giving a small ‘h _ey’_ as Crowley asked what book he was reading. 

“ _The Farmer Refuted’_. You should have seen the drama when it was released.” 

“Hm, I can only imagine. Although I did hear a bit from a few souls.” 

Getting a few amused humming noises in return. 

“Why do you sit like that?” Gabriel suddenly blurted out. 

Crowley glanced at Gabriel confused before making a ‘ohhhh’ noise. “Uhhh, I don’t know,” he half mumbled. 

“It is comfortable.” 

“Yeah, yeah sure... One movement away from falling and hitting the back of one’s head is comfortable. _Of course_.” 

“Try it,” Crowley said, glancing at Lucifer. Both of them wonder if Gabriel would do it and how he would do it and look. 

“Uhhhhh,” Gabriel said as he slowly slid down on the bench, weakly trying to mimic his older brothers' positions. 

“C’mon stretch your arms and legs out, as if you are in an old cartoon and you just got squished by a falling piano from out of nowhere,” Lucifer guided. 

“Really descriptive. That a hobby of yours?” 

“Is what?” 

“Getting squished by a piano? Or describing stuff?” 

"Yes.”

“How to describe... It is in the job description, really. If I don’t describe stuff enough, the demons will see fit to add a _few_ extra things to what I order them to do, so I have to remove the loopholes to those actions,” Lucifer explained, absently waving his hands about. 

A quick silence fell over the three before Gabriel spoke with a surprising amount of honesty. 

“That sucks, I mean, I have to do what you do, just in a similar but different way. Most angels have a habit overreacting to what you tell them to do. So I have to simplify stuff _a lot._ ” 

“Different yet the same,” Crowley mumbled, looking around at the park, thinking about Aziraphale and his meetings here throughout time. 

A silence overcame them again. The unspoken questions of; ‘ _why did you come here in the first place?’ ‘What do you need?’_ buzzed in the air. 

“Why are you here?” Gabriel said to neither of them in particular. 

“No particular reason.” 

“To come get you.” 

“Well, that was specific. Which one was the truth?” said Gabriel. 

“It’s time to have our first full family reunion _without_ any arguing! It is all we do honestly. But what are we to do then? If not cutting each other’s arms and legs off. You might ask. Simply talk.” 

“Putting it more simply. We just talk stuff out, like everyone else would do if they get mad at each other,” Crowley simplified. 

“So basically, the family reunion of the century?” 

“ _Centuries.”_

“Yeah pretty much.” 

“Let us go then. Don’t want to keep the others waiting after all, I am honestly worried about that angel of your Raphael. Michael and Uriel might bite his head off if we don’t hurry enough.” 

“Ha, _ha,_ **ha** ,” Raphael mock laughed. 

**_-Time skip brought to you by saying happy holidays and happy New Year!-_ **

“You took your time,” Uriel said, rolling her eyes. 

“I missed you too Uriel!” Gabriel yelled as they shuffled inside the bookshop. 

“What a reunion,” Michael commented sarcastically. 

Doing a quick calculation, Crowley scooted past his siblings, right over to where Aziraphale sat at his desk with two old and dusty books. 

“How did it go?” Aziraphale asked as he saw Crowley shuffle over. 

“It went better than expected. The park hasn’t exploded if you're wondering.” 

“Well, there is at least some good news on your part; I was worried when you had not returned so soon. But I figured it might take some time. Gabriel is as stubborn as a cat.” 

Crowley huffed amused. “Since when are you referring to the archangels like _that?_ ” 

“Since I learned they are your siblings, my dear boy. I suppose it could have gone differently, but it really is no surprise when I think about it,” Aziraphale continued, despite Crowley's highly visible blush at the nickname, either not noticing or caring. 

“What could have gone differently?” Crowley asked, standing beside the sitting Aziraphale. 

“Oh, lots of stuff honestly, don’t get me started,” Michael said, coming over as she rolled her eyes at the bickering Lucifer and Gabriel. “Hope I did not interrupt one of your more heartfelt moments Raphael.” 

“No, no, not at all, why don’t you just come sit here and I will stay in the corner,” Aziraphale said, sarcasm highly visible for those who knew him.

Crowley looked over at the mildly aggravated duo, wondering if they were starting yet another argument just for the sake of it. And it had just been going so well. 

“What are they yelling about?” Crowley asked, shuffling his sitting position on Aziraphale's desk, skilfully avoiding the books and the mess on it. 

“Oh no - not yelling, exactly. Rather, discussing how untrue the stories written about Merlin are true compared to the real one.” 

“Well, the real one is not as serious as the stories claim him to be,” Aziraphale piped. “Probably still as impatient as he was back then when Camelot still stood.” 

“And you know that how, exactly?” Michael asked, eyebrow raising in curiosity. 

“We have tea a few times a month, lovely company. He likes books.” 

“Wait, you still talk with Merlin?! How is he?” Crowley asked, suddenly very curious. Michael’s presence beside them was suddenly forgotten. 

“Anathema will go crazy once she hears this, and she’ll probably _demand_ to meet him to talk about magic.” 

Aziraphale was about to answer but was interrupted by Crowley mentioning Anathema. “He’s doing well, considering his circumstances. Before you continue my dear boy, I have a feeling you did something either with or for Merlin. What did you do this time? or should I say _that_ time?” 

Michael frowned at the endearment, but chose not to comment on it. 

Struggling to speak and utter a sentence, Crowley stuck by doing random sounds until he shook his head, thoroughly fighting a blush at the mention of Aziraphale so calmly and naturally using his endearments. 

“I think that might be a story for another time.” 

“I certainly hope so.” 

Both plainly ignore the two coughs coming from Michael, reminding them that she was still very much present and listening. 

Both of them decided to make conversation like old times, while waiting for a specific two to end their arguing. 

“So,” Michael said, cutting in on their conversation turned friendly chaotic banter. Who says that you need alcohol to have the weirdest or silliest conversations about literally anything? 

“So,” Crowley repeated, looking at Michael. He motioned for her to sit like a king would. 

“You do know what will happen soon,” Michael reminded as she sat down with a straight back, looking business-like. 

‘Perhaps it is a habit at this point,’ Crowley thought, as he did not want to swallow what Michael just said. 

“Yeahh, sure, of course! I know what will happen, but I admit I'm not entirely comfortable making it happen,“ Crowley said as he drawled the first part. At the others’ half confused faces, Crowley tried to find a way he could explain without saying it outright. 

Crowley had not really talked about it with anyone before, nor had he ever really wanted to talk about it, especially like _that_. Bad memories were rarely pleasant to talk openly about. Ignoring and discarding them had worked fine for him so far, he knew it wouldn’t last forever but it was working for him pretty acceptable right now. 

“You spend years wishing your parent would get off you back and leave you alone, only to realize they might be one of the few who had you back,” he mumbled. 

“Don’t worry, we will be there to support you. I am sure your ‘friend’ Aziraphale will be there as well. Of course, if you and the others will let him,” Michael reassured. 

“Of course, I will be there! If the others will let me, even if they don’t. I will just sneak in,” Aziraphale assured. 

“He will be there.” Crowley quickly added.

“Who will be there? I don’t know anyone who might do what you agree they do,” Aziraphale said. His expression, looking very much like the one he wore when he decided he should be a magician at Warlocks 11th birthday party. No matter how many times he tried, Crowley could not get past Aziraphale’s stubbornness to change his mind. It was rather endearing if you asked him, not that he would outright tell you that. 

Crowley has a big soft spot for the principality of an angel. He would do anything for him. He wondered if said principality knew that. But enough of his big heart's cravings. 

“You do realize we have to go soon, right?” Michael said, crossing her arms. “You may be stalling but if you don’t want to be discovered I suggest you stop now. Or you are going to have a few subtle complaints... You want this ‘ _therapy session’_ to work? You need to get it in action first.” 

Crowley gave a small grimace, scrunching his nose and eyebrows together before giving an overdramatic and loud sigh. He stretched out and stopped as he almost fell off the desk in the process, gaining him three new stares at the yelp he would later deny ever producing. 

“Yes, very well then. Have you guys finished bickering yet? Then I suggest we set the session in place,” Crowley informed his siblings as they looked at him with two questioning gazes and one mildly annoyed. 

“Where will this ‘therapy’ take place?” 

“Well, in heaven I suspect,” Lucifer piped up. 

“We will do it in Raphael’s former office,” Gabriel suggested. The others nodded, accepting the place. 

Looking at the confirm-waiting gazes all Crowley could do was produce a few sounds in surprise, which the other took as an agreement. 

He had honestly thought they would have removed his old tinkering room. He admits he kept it - good memories there. Sentimental to a fault, the lot of them. 

“Let us leave.” 

“Uhh hello? Forget anything?” Lucifer questioned, looking around at the angels. “I- I _can not_ just _prance_ into heaven. Demon? If you recall?” Lucifer shrieked while doing some big arm movements, trying to make his point seem as important as it was. 

“Don’t worry, it will not happen,” was Michael’s answer, with an eye roll for dramatic effect. 

“Now come on, let go.” 

“Wait, what about the humans?” Gabriel surprisingly asked. 

“I will write a quick letter and miracle it. Explain things and promise we will explain more later,” Aziraphale explained as he turned around to his desk, to find some paper he could write on. “You can go, I will catch up later.” 

No one mentioned what Aziraphale’s statement also meant. 

Appearing to get ready to leave, Crowley said he would wait for Aziraphale to finish, promising he would join them and that he could still find his way to his former office. He still would not refer or call it an office. 

His sibling slowly got ready to leave, seeming adamant to wait for him, before he shooed them along, giving an extra promise before Lucifer bailed out, muttering about how he did not trust them being alone and especially in heaven where his present was least liked. 

As the silence ticked along with neither of the three speaking, only Aziraphale’s pen made scratching sounds on the parchment he had discovered. 

Giving a quick hum in acknowledgment that he had finished writing, he folded the letter before having miracled it to the cottage in Tadfield. 

“Ready to go dear?” 

“Lucifer knows I’m Crowley as well,” was Crowley's answer. 

“WHAT?! How did he discover it?!” Aziraphale shrieked, looking petrified. 

Lucifer, well. Lucifer simply began laughing like a maniac at the outburst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People will be so confused when the check when this was last updates and see 31/12 and think this fic is abandoned *it isn't* since it was updated last year.


	15. Time to do what exactly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I know it's been a while and im sorry.  
> Life has been a hurricane.  
> I lost two family friends to covid. I was depressed and not allowed to see people in January and most of February, I tell you, it sucked more since it suddenly snowed like hell, there hasn't been this much snow in my country since 2014(nor any since 2018) and when I somehow got the green light to go outside... You can imagine what happens when there is enough snow to sleigh.  
> For me it was driving into trees six times and falling some more. Achy time.  
> Enough about my crossroad 2021, hope yours have been better.

_ Giving a quick hum in acknowledgment that he had finished writing, he folded the letter before having miracled it to the cottage in Tadfield.  _

_ “Ready to go dear?”  _

_ “Lucifer knows I’m Crowley as well,” was Crowley's answer.  _

_ “WHAT?! How did he discover it?!” Aziraphale shrieked, looking petrified.  _

_ Lucifer, well. Lucifer simply began laughing like a maniac at the outburst. _

\-- 

“Of course, he does.” Aziraphale dryly said. 

“You bet I do: I  _ always  _ recognize my little brother.” 

“Maybe, but this time, it took you a little bit over 2000 years, an Armageddon, few visits and a quick trip to the other side. You would do well in the I spy with my little eye game.” 

“Ha, ha, ha. Are you and your concubine ready?” 

“Hey! He is not my concubine.” 

“Apologies, you have my deepest, doxy.” 

“Owww! That actually hurt.” Lucifer said as after Crowley hit him with a book on the head. “Now I will get a sore spot there.” 

“You better. Hopefully that will remind you what will happen if you use those nicknames again.” 

“I won’t, promise.” 

“An angel, a renewed angel and a former angel walk into a bar. Heaven in this case, but this really does sound like the start of a bad joke.” 

“Not bad, something new and good.” 

“Let’s go,” was whispered before the echo of wings beating vibrated in the formerly occupied room that now stood barren. Desks filled with papers covered the floor. Walls were lined with lights and decorations. Shelves were filled with old and new books, books that held promises of a new story and tale - good, bad, humours and historical. All the tales and stories have different starts and different middles, but if they have something in common: the ending. You may ask how, or you may not care about the fact at all. 

But inside there is something, something not everyone sees it, but they feel it. Whether it is devastation that brings them together or romance, guilt or simply coincidence. 

All stories end with a reunion, how and when? It is up to those in the story. 

\----- 

“Hmpf!” 

“We're here! ...Wait a second, I'm not burning!” Lucifer stated two second after they arrived in one of Heaven's currently empty pale halls. Almost tip toeing around as he glances around in the three connected halls. A part of the place he had once called home. 

The hallway they had appeared in, seemed to be deserted as far as they could see, but their supernatural senses could sense other beings around the place. They had to find a way to walk around undetected. Two traitors and one dead angel found walking around and  _ together?  _ It screams cacafuego. 

“Well, doesn’t this look dull? Did we arrive in an old attic mini maze or something?” 

“I wouldn't call it an attic or dull. It’s rather more ‘simple’. Like your outfit for example,” Aziraphale snarked. 

“Excuse me!” Lucifer cried dramatically, widening his eyes and putting a hand on his mouth for extra effect. Looking like a posh lady from the 19th century. 

“It’s okay if he doesn’t like it, not everyone has ‘good’ taste," Crowley teased. 

“Ugh, darlin’ I am a nightmare dressed like a daydream,” Lucifer quoted, shaking his head dramatically. “Suits simply  _ must _ come back into fashion again this century!” 

“Drama queen,” Crowley bemusedly muttered under his breath. 

“Like you aren’t one. It runs in the family.” 

“Well- Yeah, but you are a bigger one than me!” Crowley pointed out, half-pouting. 

“I must ask for your entryway to communicate with my appendage from now on.” Lucifer said, turning his head away, looking upwards. 

“Which one?” 

Squinting at something, Lucifer shrugged. “I am not mean; I am just simply brutally honest with you on that. It is not my fault the truth hurts. Now, all you need is a band-aid.” 

“Can you two keep quiet for a minute? We haven’t moved since we came here. We are supposed to meet people if you two have forgotten? You haven’t said when, but I am going to say now,” Aziraphale pointed out, getting a bit impatient. 

Meanwhile Crowley and Lucifer looked at each other, both having a raised eyebrow in agreement. 

“You call it a problem; we call it a solution.” 

“Wha-whatever do you mean? Wait- No, no. We must go, now,” Aziraphale sputtered, already walking in a direction. 

“Hey- Wait how do you even know where we are going? 

Aziraphale continued walking, both Lucifer and Crowley strutting along behind him like baby ducks. “No, but any direction suits me better than standing around here to be discovered. I don’t know about you, but I personally do not have any kind of death wish.” 

“I feel so safe now, knowing you are guiding us out of this bloody maze!” Lucifer yelled, spinning around before continuing. 

“Oh, shut it, Lu. We just need to find the fountain and then I should know how to get to my former ‘office’.” 

“Have the thought that Heaven might have changed over the last centuries befallen you yet? Do you even know if your little mini knows where the fountain is? Or if he knows where  _ here  _ is,” Lucifer spoke, not wanting to walk in a random direction. Something he claimed was just as bad as standing around. 

“Shush Lu.” 

The two siblings continued to bicker and banter while they mindlessly followed Aziraphale as he roamed their current hall. 

Why Heaven needed this useless hall, Aziraphale did not know, but he would like to know, thank you very much. 

As Aziraphale walked a head, he glanced back at the demon turned angel and the angel turned demon. Wondering about how his former world had turned upside down, with so many secrets revealed it was sometimes a bit hard to follow the newest change. 

For example: Gabriel, Michael and Uriel were suddenly nice now and did not want to kill him that much anymore. 

And Lucifer was not a big red beast with a desire to start Armageddon. He really had to ask about that. 

Huh, times do change, well, better three hours too soon, than one minute too late. 

As they say, it is time to turn a new leaf. Hopefully, it will not be a rotten leaf this time. 

“Do you even happen to know where we are?” the king of hell asked, almost pouting. 

“Hm? What? Oh, yes, yes, yes...” Aziraphale startled. “We are in Heaven.” 

“No shit Sherlock. If I were to ask you the same on earth, would you then say; no, we are in the milky way,” Lucifer spoke, while he mimicked Aziraphale’s voice. 

If you asked Crowley, Aziraphale’s facial expression became pure gold at Lucifer's answer. ( _ Imagine the face he made, when he said: ‘there is no need for that kind of language’ to a person on the phone.) _

Crowley could not help it, he burst out laughing, probably louder than he should have. Drawing attention to themselves was easier than they had thought 

Both heads turned in his direction as he made a weak attempt to control his laughter, but as the others looked at him with confusion and worry. He could not help but laugh more at their expressions. 

“Why are you laughing?” 

“Why are you asking? Want a crumb of dopamine?” 

“Maybe you need a crumb of serotonin.” 

“Quiet you two, we are almost there,” Aziraphale shushed. “It can’t that be long now.” 

The three supernatural beings finally stopped walking. Although none was pleased about why they stopped. 

“Are you kidding me?! How come none of us realized we have waltzed over to a dead end?!” Lucifer snapped annoyed. Wondering how they have missed the blind end, and with light. It was not dark where they had been walking. 

“Well, to be fair, we were kind of bickering and probably distracted by that,” Crowley reasoned. “Time does move fast when you talk… And stuff.” 

“ _ And stuff?” _ Aziraphale looked back at the bickerers and walked forward. Placing his hand on the wall, checking if there was a secret entrance of some kind. “Maybe there is a secret entrance or exit. Either way, we could probably use it.” 

Moving his hands around on the wall, Aziraphale couldn’t help but feel it must have looked a bit silly. Ignoring the small blush on his cheeks, he continued to touch random parts of the wall. 

A huge click signalled his success, since the wall started to vibrate and change until a dark white acute arch entrance appeared. 

Feeling proud of himself, Aziraphale couldn’t help but do a little victory dance, ignoring the two brothers' stares. 

“Ngh, what are you doing, angel?” Crowley asked, looking dumbfounded. 

“A victory dance.” Aziraphale signalled for Crowley to join as he did a spin. 

“No, no, no, no, no, no,  _ no.”  _ Aziraphale furrowed his brows, but stopped his victory dance. 

“You found the door, hooray. Now, let’s be going,” Lucifer rushed. 

“Jolly good! Finally, someone else who agrees to keep moving and not stand around to bicker," said Aziraphale excitedly. 

“Says you, Mr. Victory Dancer,” mumbled Lucifer, who then moved beside Crowley and Aziraphale. “Come on children, it is time to go into the new baby corridor.” 

Aziraphale huffed but followed obediently. 

Crowley just raised an eyebrow and followed afterwards. 

Standing in front of the door, Crowley quickly realized that Lucifer was far ahead already. And Aziraphale was already speed walking closer to Lucifer, who oh so politely waited for him. 

“Wait! You could have waited!” huffed Crowley, trying to catch up to the two others in the dark grey corridor. 

\----- 

“Are they really on their way?” 

“Yes, do not worry Gabriel,” Michael consoled, walking around in the old ‘office,’ glancing at the ancient stuff hanging around. 

Uriel hummed, sitting on the old fashioned looking desk. “They wouldn’t leave, even if they  _ chickened out,  _ Aziraphale would make them come anyway.” 

“Are you sure it isn’t Raphael who would? He seemed quiet adverse to do this.” Gabriel argued. 

“I think he agreed to do this either to shut us up or  _ maybe  _ to get us back together as a family.” 

“What do you mean? Have we not always been close?” 

“No, not really. Admit it. Ever since the war, we all... Fell out, even us, us who stayed in Heaven. We had a half-chance to reconnect with Lucifer for over thousands of years. And we had that with ourselves, but instead we turned a blind eye, ignoring the fact that we were losing the things that made us a real family,” Uriel resorted bitterly, crossing her arms as she spoke. 

“What? What was it we have forgotten? 

“It is not Raphael  _ or  _ Lucifer we lost. We could have begun caring for each other like before, even after they were gone... It would be hard. It always was.” 

Had they all really become so blind? And for so long? Did any of them ever question it? If they did, they clearly had kept that to themselves, but why? Had they become so afraid to question what they did, how they acted, all the small things... What had they been afraid of? To fall? No, no, to leave the others alone, with or without Heaven. It all seemed to feel wrong, strange and confusing when they realized how they had been acting.  _ ‘Was that really me? It couldn’t be! I... I am not like that... Or was I really.’  _

Or maybe it wasn’t that they had been afraid to question themselves or make others find reasons to. 

Maybe it was not a ‘what,’ maybe it was a whom. But who were they afraid to question? And what had led to that. 

Uriel admitted she was afraid to question herself, but give others a reason to? Absolutely terrified. She had to act tough, more than people gave her out to be. Someone had to, even for her siblings. Failure would cause her to fail 

Michael wholeheartedly believed with all her being, doubt was bad, seeing others doubt you worse. Having doubt meant you would disappoint people, and it meant you would fall, because you disappointed her... and that, that would not do. 

Gabriel didn’t admit it, not even to himself. But he was afraid, afraid to connect with people, he doesn’t mean to, but on a subconscious level, he does and says things to ward others away, even when he doesn’t mean it. He admittedly thought it was his wondrous personality that people his age requires. 

...It is a shame and heart wrenching when you have become afraid to question what you and your family have become. 

But you know you messed up when nobody tells you. 

“We really are messed up...” Sighed Uriel. 

“Welcome to the family,” Gabriel mumbled absentmindedly. 

“With pleasure.” 

Surprising them both, Michael spoke. “Have we really been this blind for the last however many years? No wonder some tended to avoid us.” Admitting their faults was not an easy feat, but hopefully they would be able to work with them in the future. 

“What about Sandalphon?” Gabriel suddenly asked, reminding the three of the shortest archangel. “He does not avoid us...  _ actively, at least.” _

“He does work with us.  _ Closely.”  _

_ “ _ He tries to do most of his work alone,” both archangels reasoned. 

“Why is it, he does most of it himself?” wondered Gabriel, striking a thinking pose. 

“To prove something?” Michael suggested. 

“Because he might not like to socialize as much as we do? And not everyone is a big, big fan of group work?” Uriel shrugged. 

“No.” 

“Even we share our work with each other. Even to skip some of the harder work. Come on- Don't deny it.” 

…... 

Lucifer, while almost sprinting through the corridor. Ignoring his younger brother, whom he well knew, was a bit behind, both due to him sprinting and his brother being a slowpoke. 

But when you sprint, specifically in the dark, you do not see nor do you know where you precisely are, nor where you step. So, one cannot quite blame Lucifer for trying to up his, already fast pace and then promptly fall face first into the ground. 

Lucifer was not able to see how it happened. 

But then,  _ then  _ neither can you blame him for not realizing a certain principality was jogging loudly, closer to him, while he sprinted and fell. 

One can imagine what proceeded to happen. 

Lucifer, still lying flat in the ground, suddenly felt a one of a kind blanket fall on top him. 

Said blanket, after shrieking in shock, apologized profusely while moving to getting up. 

Lucifer, still on the ground, glared up at said blanket, who was avoiding eye contact. Aziraphale's apologies died on his lips, upon seeing the hellfire in Lucifer's eyes. 

“You will not speak of this to anyone, am I understood?” Lucifer said, still glaring at Aziraphale. 

“Speak of what?” 

Wise, Lucifer thought as he got up. 

Crowley was still quite behind thankfully, so he had not witnessed this event. Lucifer did not need any new blackmail brought on himself, thank you very much. 

Feeling rather than seeing Aziraphale open his mouth, probably to give another useless apology or mention this again, even after his warning. Lucifer swiftly turned around, and gave a look that would have éven the wildest beasts in hell to cower and pee themselves, yet still return to seek comfort from him. 

“Nuhuh! If you say it one more time!” 

Aziraphale looked thoughtful for a second. “I’m just trying to say sorry! What is wrong with that?” 

Taken aback, Lucifer looked confused. Probably having expected Aziraphale to say something different. “You do not have to apologize for everything, not all that happens, is your own fault. Never apologize for someone else’s actions, you control your own actions, not theirs... Just like you control your apology centre,” Lucifer added the last part after an unreadable expression overcame his face. 

Just before a pregnant silence could come, Crowley appeared, wheezing like he had been running. 

The first to overcome that surprise was Lucifer. “Have you been running? Or had you joined a makeup thing? Lipstick in the face.” 

Aziraphale simply gave an awkward “Hi,” something that told Crowley it had a story behind it. It was tempting to let it go, but Crowley was too curious about what had happened for them to stop up and actually wait. 

But being who he was, he decided to prod them both for answers. And getting snippets here and there, then teasing with what he found until he got more. 

Crowley mostly ignored the looks from Lucifer, but when he could not take that more, he squeezed in front of Aziraphale, and waltzed over to Lucifer and put an arm around him. 

“Oh look, there is light at the end of the tunnel after all. Both metaphorically and physically,” Lucifer purred suddenly. 

“What? Where? I can’t see it!” Aziraphale questioned from where he stood behind them. 

“Better get ready, the show is about to go down.” 

“Do you have to be so dramatic?” 


End file.
